Tag Archives: humor

September 15, 2017 · 6:55 am

Fish On Strike At Blacktip Island Dive Sites

fish on strike

Blacktip Island scuba divers are blaming the island’s French angelfish for inciting a swim-off strike involving all the fish at all the Caribbean island’s dive sites. (photo courtesy of Barry Peters)

Scuba divers on Blacktip Island reefs Wednesday and Thursday were surprised to find the dive sites empty of reef fish, in what experts are calling a cross-species protest.

“We’ve never seen anything like this,” said Eagle Ray Divers operations manager Ger Latner. “As of yesterday morning it was hard to find any fish at all, and the ones you did see would taunt you, then dart away.

“It started with the French angelfish turning tail on photographers,” Latner said. “Then all the other fish followed suit. Guests thought it was funny at first, but now everyone’s pissed off. Every photo from today has been of bare coral or a fish’s butt. Even the sea slugs are hiding under the coral heads.”

Local marine biologists say the phenomenon is likely a form of piscine protest.

“Based on what data we have, our working theory is the fish are consciously spurning divers due to an environmental stressor,” said Tiperon University-Blacktip biology professor Ernesto Mojarra. “It happens a lot. You just don’t hear about it.

“Given the hostility displayed toward photographers, most likely the fish are tired of underwater strobes flashing in their faces all day,” Mojarra said. “They’ve made no demands yet. That we know of. They can be difficult to read, but we have our best biologists on site to mediate.”

Local resort owners, though, are not waiting patiently.

“I don’t care what they’re hacked off about, this is killing my business,” Sandy Bottoms’ Beach Resort owner Sandy Bottoms said. “It figures it’s the French angelfish behind it. Those bastards are always starting trouble.

“They demanded vacation time last year,” Bottoms said. “Got the idea from the grouper, who take off for a week on the spawning grounds every winter. Now all the other fish want entitlements. We need to cut them loose and bring in new fish who’ll be grateful to have a reef like this. You think the lionfish won’t jump at the chance?”

Experts, however, warned such action could escalate into violence.

“This morning a multi-species school circled Hammerhead Reef for hours,” Mojarra said. “A bunch of barracuda watched, but didn’t join in. If the barras, or the sharks, get involved, things could get ugly. Fast.

“We need to rachet things down a notch,” Mojarra said. “Banning cameras and strobes from the dive sites would be a good start. It’s drastic, but that good-faith gesture could be the thing that resolves this.”

While most guests were angered by the lack of marine life, some were unexpectedly supportive.

“I came here to look at the fish, sure, but it’s their right to not hang with divers,” said Blacktip Haven guest Maxie Fondé. “They’re wild animals, after all.

“Big picture, I support what they’re doing,” Fondé said. “I mean, if I don’t stand up for their rights, who, or what, will stand up for mine when the time comes?”

Leave a comment

Filed under Caribbean, Scuba Diving

Tagged as , , , , , ,

September 8, 2017 · 6:34 am

Gravity Doesn’t Exist On Blacktip Island, Study Says

no gravity

Researchers with the Caribbean Anti-Newtonian Society’s Blacktip Island laboratory used a Bose-Einstein condensate – a cloud of super-cooled Rubidium atoms in a laser trap (pictured) – to reach their conclusion that gravity does not exist on the small Caribbean island. (photo courtesy of Steve Jurvetson)

Researchers from the Blacktip Island chapter of the Caribbean Anti-Newtonian Society on Thursday released the results of a study showing gravity does not exist on the small island.

“Isaac Newton was a first-rate huckster who convinced people there was gravity so he could sell them science books,” CANS spokesman Harry ‘Scratcher’ Wrasse said. “Then the church and the Rosicrucians piled on. If there’s a force so strong it can hold down all the people and buildings and oceans, why can birds, smoke and helium balloons escape it? It’s fake science.

“Our tests show a lack of so-called gravity on Blacktip,” Wrasse said. “And we’ll be replicating our tests on other islands soon, to see if it’s a localized thing or something global.”

The island’s scientific community quickly rebutted the study.

“I can’t believe I’m actually having to say this, but there are centuries of proof that gravitational forces exists,” said Tiperon University-Blacktip physics chair Olive Beaugregory. “Gravity went from ‘theory’ to ‘law’ a long time ago.

“It’s interesting that Harry and his colleagues don’t offer any alternative explanation for one of the fundamental forces of physics,” Beaugregory said.

Wrasse was quick to defend the CANS findings.

“We’re not sure what exactly keeps things stuck to the island just yet,” he said. “That’s another study. And it in no way invalidates this one.”

A TU-B press conference explaining Newtonian gravitational theory and general relativity, scheduled for Thursday evening, was cancelled due to protestors outside the island’s Heritage House.

“They had fire in their eyes and were waving torches and rum bottles,” Beaugregory said. “We’ll try again when things cool off and people are sober. Or as sober as they’re going to get. Maybe a 10 a.m. talk.”

Many of the protestors defended the report.

“It does answer a lot of questions,” Theosophy League president Antonio Fletcher said. “If something’s strong enough to stick me to the Earth, how come I can still raise my arms? String theory explains it, you know. Invisible strings hold everything in place.”

Others protestors focused their ire on university scientists.

“Calling it ‘science’ don’t mean it’s true,” Dermott Bottoms said. “Science is just a bunch of know-it-alls trying to prove stuff. Weight makes things stick to the ground. Negative Weight makes things fly. That’s just common sense.”

Others locals saw the CANS report as validation of existing theories.

“This is more proof the Earth’s flat,” bartender Kenny Chromis said. “We’re on a giant plate flying up through space. The acceleration keeps us stuck to the surface.”

Others scoffed at that explanation.

“Everyone knows the Earth’s balanced on the back of a giant turtle,” Catalina Luxfer said. “It’s the turtle’s motion that keeps us on the ground. Duh.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Caribbean, Writing

Tagged as , , , , ,

August 25, 2017 · 8:41 am

Rum Bottles Help Find Blacktip Island Missing Persons

missing persons

Rum bottles at all Blacktip Island bars will have photos of missing persons placed on them under a new volunteer effort to reduce the number of people missing on the small Caribbean island. (photo courtesy of Stefan Giesbert)

Inspired by missing persons milk cartons, a Blacktip Island citizens group began placing missing residents’ faces on rum bottles at island bars Monday.

“We tried milk cartons, but no one on Blacktip gives a damn about milk,” Keen to Eliminate Lost People founder Harry Wrasse said. “But rum bottles? Blacktippers spend most of their free time staring at them.

“We don’t get a ton of missing people, but when we do, it’s a big deal,” Wrasse said. “Just last week Antonio Fletcher went missing for three days. The bottles got the word out, and we found him in a palm tree on top of the bluff. Said he flew up there. Jerrod had to fly up and get him down.”

The effort is funded by a local crowdsourcing effort.

“‘Groupsourcing’s’ more accurate, as few people as there are on the island,” Wrasse said. “And we rely on a stable of volunteers. We need as many as possible to make sure we have at least one sober at any given time.”

Bar rum bottles have been fitted with clear plastic sleeves that allow bartenders to change photos as needed.

“When someone goes missing, we send photos to all the bars and resorts,” KELP volunteer Rosie Blenny said. “As soon as we find the person, we send word out and everyone takes that photo off their bottles.”

The project has draw opposition from locals concerned about misuse and privacy issues.

“Less than a week and it’s already a train wreck,” resident Reg Gurnard said. “First, Kitty Katz posted a photo of her husband Mickey. That didn’t end well.

“Then Lee Helm posted a picture of his girlfriend when he thought she was off with someone else,” Gurnard said. “Problem is, she was. A bunch of folks tracked us down and all hell broke loose. Someone wants to be lost, that’s no one’s business but their own. All this does is get a bunch of drunks out snooping on people.”

Organizers are not daunted by the criticism.

“There’s been a few hiccups, sure. But we’ve done a lot of good, too,” Blenny said. “We found a missing tourist just yesterday. He’d taken a resort bike for a ride around the island, only he kept taking the crossover road and kept circling the south end. He’d still be out there if it wasn’t for KELP.

“Dermott gets lost all the time, too,” Blenny added. “Most of the bottles have his photo on them and a note telling him to go home. We’re saving lives here.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Caribbean

Tagged as , , , , , ,

August 18, 2017 · 7:37 am

Vehicle Ban Aims To Save Blacktip Island’s Tranquility

vehicle ban

Automobiles on Blacktip Island will be harder to come by after the island’s council voted to limit the number of motor vehicles on the small Caribbean island. (photo by Samson Post/Blacktip Times staff)

In a 2-1 vote Wednesday, the Blacktip Island Council opted to limit the number of motor vehicles on the Caribbean island in what backers called an attempt to keep the 100-resident island true to its rustic roots.

“We’re saving Blacktip’s charm,” council member Maxie Fondé said. “Visitors come here for quiet, unspoiled nature. Cars and trucks and scooters take away from that.”

Other ban supporters cited population concerns.

“The island’s getting too crowded,” council member Clete Horn said. “Last week I had to stop at the stop sign. Today I had to use my turn signal. Twice. If I wanted to deal with that kind of hassle, I’d live in Miami.

“You used to be able to tell who was coming down the road just by the sound of the car,” Horn said. “Now, I don’t recognize half of them by sight. Any more cars, we’ll be putting up traffic lights. And crosswalks”

The ban limits households and businesses to one vehicle, provided a compelling reason to have a vehicle can be shown.

“Construction companies or Public Works, they need their trucks,” Fondé said. “Divemasters or bar staff that live a mile from the resort? They can ride bikes. Or walk.”

Many businesses owners oppose the ban.

“We’re supposed to get all our guests to and from the airfield in one van?” dissenting council member and Eagle Ray Cove resort owner Rich Skerritt said. “They’re hamstringing my livelihood. If Maxie and Clete don’t like cars, let them walk. I’m not giving up my vehicles.”

Many residents, though, expect the ban to be good for the island.

“Fewer cars means less pollution, less used motor oil and auto batteries in the dump,” resident Goby Graysby said. “They should make the law stricter and only allow Smart cars. Embarrassment would keep people from wanting to drive.”

Others residents concurred.

“We’re going to use a donkey cart to takes guests to and from the air strip,” Blacktip Haven resort owner Elena Havens said. “The guests’ll love it and it’s eco-friendly. Plus, we can also rent it out for kiddie rides when business gets slow.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Caribbean

Tagged as , , , , ,

August 11, 2017 · 8:14 am

Underwater Rock Climbing Comes To Blacktip Island

underwater rock climbing

Underwater rock climbers scout Slubberdudgeon Wall on Blacktip Island’s southeast coast prior to a climb Thursday afternoon. (photo courtesy of Derek Keats)

Scuba divers on Blacktip Island can now do more than look at fish after Club Scuba Doo resort launched an underwater rock climbing program this week.

“We’ve got to attract a younger, hipper crowd,” Scuba Doo dive manager Finn Kiick said. “We’re revitalizing the sport. Underwater climbing’ll make scuba an adventure again.

“With that wall that dropping thousands of feet straight down, Blacktip’s a natural for deep-water climbing,” Kiick said. “It’s the best of both worlds. You’re on scuba, but you get the adrenalin rush of free-climbing. And with the zero-gravity feel, it’s like rock climbing on the moon.”

Other dive operators were critical of the plan.

“We spend all day telling guests not to touch coral, explaining how the slightest touch can kill a thousand-year-old coral head,” Eagle Ray Divers manager Ger Latner said. “Now we’ve got these knuckleheads encouraging divers to crawl all over it.

“They’re also gonna get divers hurt, too,” Latner said. “People looking for their next hand hold instead of their gauges? That’s a recipe for disaster.”

Club Scuba Doo management defended the program.

“We do the climbing on the southeast wall where all the coral’s dead anyway,” resort owner Ham Pilchard said. “And we don’t allow anchors or hooks of any kind. This is about as eco-friendly as you can get.

“Long-term, this is good for the reefs,” Pilchard said. “It gets young people on the reef and excited about the underwater world. We’re creating the next generation of marine ecologists here.”

Kiick stressed the sport’s safety.

“There’s been zero cases of climbers blowing no-deco limits or breathing their tank dry,” he said. “The injuries so far have been from fire coral. And scorpion fish.

“They’re hard to see, ‘til you grab them,” Kiick said. “We give our climbers Kevlar gloves and booties now, for their own protection.”

Underwater climbers had high praise for the sport.

“It’s great to be able to climb without anyone belaying,” Club Scuba Doo repeat guest Leah Shore said. “Plus, it’s fun for the whole family. We can dive with the kids one day and climb with them the next.

“For longer climbs, or deeper climbs, you can use doubles if you want,” Shore said. “There’s some phenomenal 5.12 overhangs down around 180, if you’re into techie climbing. We don’t let the kiddos do that, though.”

Resort scuba instructors will offer a range of underwater climbing specialty courses.

“You do four climbs rated 5.4 – 5.6, you get your basic Underwater Rock Climber card,” Kiick said. “For the more hardcore, we’ll be offering Trimix Climbing, Heliox Climbing and Extended Range Technical Climbing courses.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Caribbean, Scuba Diving

Tagged as , , , , , ,

August 4, 2017 · 9:29 am

Resort Tells Blacktip Guests To “Fling Your Phones”

phone throwing

Mobile phones of all shapes and sizes will go flying Sunday afternoon in Eagle Ray Cove’s ‘Fling Your Phone’ contest, aimed at getting resort guests to disconnect from work while on vacation. (photo courtesy of Marina DeLow)

In an effort to help newly-arrived guests embrace their vacations, a Blacktip Island resort will launch a new, weekly ‘Fling Your Phone’ cellular telephone throwing contest Sunday afternoon at Diddley’s Landing public pier.

“People fly in here Saturdays so uptight they can’t even enjoy their free drink at the bar,” Eagle Ray Cove owner Rich Skerritt said. “Every one swears they’ll turn their phone off, and none of them ever do.

“Then last week a woman on the dock snatched the phone out of her husband’s hand and threw it as far as she could,” Skerritt said. “It was beautiful. With that arm, if she didn’t play third base, she should’ve.”

Resort staff hit on the idea of getting as many guests as possible to get rid of their phones.

“We got a lot of lukewarm smiles until we pitched it as a competition,” said divemaster and contest organizer Marina DeLow. “Then guests were fighting to see who would throw first. The ‘I Had A Fling on Blacktip Island’ t-shirt prizes help, too.

“We have separate categories for phones, tablets and laptops, and we’re thinking of adding a flip-phone category, too, for our older guests,” DeLow said. “Throwing styles are different for each. Phones you can throw overhand, but tablets fly better with a Frisbee toss. For laptops, a spinning, discus-style throw seems to work best.”

Many resort guests are grateful for Sunday’s Fling.

“I’ve been practicing with phone-sized rocks all day,” Eagle Ray Cove guest Theresa Troute said. “I know I can’t trust myself to not call work. My husband’s just as bad.

“We popped out our SIMs as soon as we got here, so we won’t lose our data,” Troute said. “Come Sunday, our phones are going flying. Thanks to the Fling, we’ll finally have a proper vacation”

Local scuba instructors will act as judges and supervise reef cleanup after the event.

“We put down ski rope transect lines across the reef so we can accurately measure where each device lands,” Eagle Ray Divers ops manager Ger Latner said. “The official distance is where the phone settles on the bottom, not where it hits the water.

“More importantly, we’ll use the grid to collect all the phones afterwards so no toxic chemicals or heavy metals will leach out onto the reef,” Latner said. “We’ve combined the cleanup with a search and recovery specialty course for our guests. As soon as the Fling’s finished, we’ll put the students in the water and have them swim search patterns until they find all the devices. For a reduced fee, of course.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Caribbean, Scuba Diving

Tagged as , , , , , ,

July 28, 2017 · 8:01 am

DNA Tests Link Blacktip Natives To Ancient Egyptians

Egyptian links

A bas-relief of New Kingdom pharaoh Amenhotep I in Luxor Temple, Egypt. New DNA evidence suggests modern Blacktip Islanders are, genetically, closely related to ancient New Kingdom Egyptians. (photo courtesy of Rémih)

Genetics researchers on Blacktip Island announced Wednesday that DNA samples from 32 present-day Blacktip natives, sent to the Max Planck Institute in Germany, showed modern Blacktippers are closely related to ancient Egyptians.

“Our collective jaw hit the floor,” lead researcher Goby Graysby said. “We knew there was something unique about us, but the hypothesis going in was excessive inbreeding. We in no way expected this.”

The Blacktip DNA samples were compared to samples from 137 New Kingdom mummies from Abusir-el Meleq in central Egypt.

“It does explain a lot, Graysby said. “Antonio Fletcher in profile is a dead ringer for Amenhotep I, but we always thought that was from too much rum. And most locals’ handwriting could pass for hieroglyphics. Heck, Blacktippers even walk like Egyptians.”

The discovery sparked debate about how Egyptians might have arrived on Blacktip a thousand years before the Caribbean island was thought to be populated.

“Thor Heyerdahl proved, back in the 70s, Egyptian papyrus rafts could cross the Atlantic,” island historian Smithson Altschul said. “That’s the obvious route. Anything else – space aliens, wormholes – is pure speculation.

“It also speaks to why there’s so many cats running loose on the island,” Altschul said. “And our climate, combined with rum, is perfect for mummification. I wouldn’t be surprised if we found mummies in some inland caves, now that we know to look for them.”

The news has increased interest in archeology among locals.

“There’s some odd rock carvings inland that people’ve ignored for years,” divemaster Marina DeLow said. “And coral heads that look like stepped pyramids – we just assumed they were Mayan. This Egyptian heritage, it makes me even more proud to be from Blacktip.”

Others noted striking Egyptian parallels in the island’s infrastructure.

“Most people don’t realize Blacktip’s resorts are laid out in a grid that aligns with the sunrise at solstice and sunset at equinox, just like the Great Pyramid,” said the former Rev. Jerrod Ephesians, head of the island’s Rosicrucian Order. “You have to hold the map just right, and squint, but the pattern is unmistakable. That couldn’t happen without sophisticated outside influence.”

Local businesses are already promoting the discovery.

“We’re renovating our lobby as a scale replica of ancient Karnak,” said Eagle Ray Cove owner Rich Skerritt. “And all the rooms will have early New Kingdom-themed bas-relief carvings on tan plaster walls.”

Genetics researchers, meanwhile, say their work is just beginning.

“We still have to trace 3,500-year-old bloodlines, check for possible royal connections, you name it,” Goby said. “We have years of study ahead of us.”

“The original inbreeding hypothesis is still very much on the table,” Goby added. “Ancient Egyptian royalty was notorious for that. It may turn out to be less a small, isolated populations thing than it is a genetic predisposition thing.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Caribbean

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

July 14, 2017 · 8:31 am

Power Outages Spawn Lottery Among Blacktip Islanders

power outage lotto

Blacktip Island’s aging electric generator is the heart of the island’s power grid. Frequent power outages have prompted residents to organize a lottery in which participants guess the time of the next outage, with the closest guess winning a cash prize. (photo courtesy of Dual Freq)

After numerous power outages on Blacktip Island in recent weeks, residents have organized a cash lottery that allows people to guess the day and time of the next power outage, with a portion of the winnings going to the Caribbean island’s aging power plant.

“Electricity’s been going out daily, sometimes multiple times,” lottery organizer Kay Valve said. “Public Works has blamed everything from a faulty generator to broken insulators to iguanas chewing on the power lines. The surges are killing our computers and other electronics, no matter how many surge protectors we use.

“We’re making lemonade out of lemons, and hopefully helping solve the problem in the process,” Valve said. “For a dollar, you pick the date, time and duration of the next outage. Half of the pot goes to the winner and half goes to the power plant for facility upgrades.”

The island’s Public Works Department has embraced the plan.

“The phone was ringing off the hook this past month with people howling mad about losing power,” public works chief Stoney MacAdam said. “It got to where we were scared to go out in public, folks were so hacked off.”

“Now it’s a game. People want the power to go out,” MacAdam said. “They cheer when it does. Of course, the down side is folks gaming the system. Yesterday we caught Dermott Bottoms trying to chop a power line with his machete so he could win the big jackpot. We’re alert for that kind of thing.”

The lottery is popular among Blacktip Island residents as well.

“If throwing in a few dollars’ll keep my A/C running, I’m all for it,” said resident Paloma Fairlead. “Plus, any money I win goes toward new internet modems. With all the outages and surges, I’m going through two a week these days.”

However, not all residents support the gaming.

“This is gambling, plain and simple,” said the Rev. Pierre Grunt. “It’s immoral and illegal. The next thing you know there’ll be casinos and who knows what else ruining Blacktip. I keep badgering Rafe Marquette to shut it down, but he wont do it.”

The island’s police constable downplayed the legal issues.

“It’s not strictly legal, but it is for the public good, so it’s really somewhat of a gray area,” Island Police Constable Rafe Marquette said. “And Pierre seems to be the only one upset about it. I’m sure what the complaint is.

“The lottery people have been quite positive,” Marquette said. “They’ve even been kind enough to buy me a ticket for each round, and even when I don’t win, I usually get some sort of consolation prize.”

Blacktip Island public works officials would not comment on potential timelines to resolve the outages.

Leave a comment

Filed under Caribbean

Tagged as , , , , , ,

June 30, 2017 · 8:05 am

Fire Coral Festival Brings The Burn To Blacktip Island

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

A stand of encrusting fire coral waits in the shallows of Blacktip Island’s Fire Coral Reef. Saturday the island will celebrate the benefits of fire coral in protecting the Caribbean island’s reefs. (photo courtesy of Nick Hobgood)

Blacktip’s annual Fire Coral Festival returns to the island Saturday at multiple venues and dive sites to celebrate the importance of the stinging coral in protecting the island’s fragile reefs. The festival, in its 17th year, is sponsored by the Tiperon Marine Parks department.

“It started years ago after overweighted scuba divers came back all welted up, howling about our reefs being eat-up with the fire coral,” Marine Parks spokesperson Val Schrader. “We put a positive spin on that. If you can’t beat it, celebrate it, if you will.

“Our aim is to remind divers that the slightest touch can harm coral,” Schrader said. “Fire coral lets divers experience how much coral can hurt them. We’ve found pain is a great tutor.”

The festival features snorkeling tours of the island’s most fire coral-filled reefs, live music by island bands, a beach bonfire and food stalls serving curry and coral-themed drinks.

“The highlight’s the ½-K Fun Run,” festival organizer Jay Valve said. “Runners in Speedos and flip-flops sprint past Eagle Ray Cove chased by other runners grabbing at them with fire coral-coated gloves. It’s amazing how fast folks can go when they’re about to get stung. There’s some hefty guests here, but they’d give Usain Bolt a run for his money.

“Of course, medical staff’ll be on hand to deal with any cases of anaphylactic shock,” Valve said. “Some people also wanted to throw jellyfish at the runners, but we nixed that. This is a fire coral-only event. No other stinging life forms are allowed. That’s another festival. In the fall.”

The festival has also fostered a rare détente between tourism and environmental groups.

“Normally we’d be against anyone touching coral, but this is for a great cause,” said Benthic Society president Harry Pickett. “Fire coral’s the reef’s great defense, the way the ocean strikes back at people who don’t respect it. We call fire coral ‘reef karma.’”

During the festival, all Blacktip Island dive operations have banned the use of wetsuits.

“It’s a reality check for divers who don’t realize, or care, how crap their buoyancy is,” said Eagle Ray Divers ops manager Ger Latner. “It’s part of the festivities. Each dive boat votes for the guest with the worst buoyancy control, then we make all those folks scuba naked across Fire Coral Reef.

“Yeah, it’s painful. And humiliating. But it makes a point,” Latner said. “And the divers gets free drinks the rest of the night. And a t-shirt. And free medical care, if needed.”

All proceeds from the festival go toward replacement mooring balls and lines for the island’s dive sites.

Leave a comment

Filed under Caribbean, Scuba Diving

Tagged as , , , , , ,

June 23, 2017 · 6:53 am

Iguana Yoga Takes Blacktip Island By Storm

iguana yoga

Meditation sessions with Blacktip Island’s native rock iguanas have proved popular at one island resort. (photo courtesy of James St. John)

The latest trend in yoga has been given a topical twist at Blacktip Island’s Blacktip Haven resort, where guests can now participate in yoga sessions while the island’s rock iguanas crawl around, on and over them.

“We wanted to get in on the goat yoga craze, but there’s no goats on the island,” yoga instructor Bindy Pigeon said. “Then an iguana wandered in on a yoga class. No one moved, so it stayed and ended up climbing on top of a prone student. That’s when the light bulb went off.

“Turns out, iguanas are better than goats,” Pigeon said. “They love the body heat, and once they settle in they’ll stay on your back or stomach or head for as long as you let them.”

The classes have proven popular with tourists and locals alike.

“It’s way better than plain yoga,” said Blacktip Haven guest Marlin White. “The interaction with nature helps you center yourself better physically and mentally. And there’s nothing quite like a resting iguana on a downward dog.”

Other students, though, saw drawbacks to meditation with the reptiles.

“It can be a bit of a distraction when one starts munching on your hair,” Blacktip resident Cori Anders said, “And you have to make sure they don’t poop on you. That’ll get you uncentered in a big-ass hurry. And those claws!”

Resort management stressed the classes are safe as well as eco-friendly.

“Sure, we had a couple of students get clawed,” Blacktip Haven owner Elena Havens said. “But the scratches don’t bleed much and we keep plenty of antibiotic cream on hand. You have to expect that with wild animals. It’s what makes our yoga sessions so effective.

“These iguanas aren’t trained or restrained or coerced in any way,” Havens said. “We toyed with land crab yoga, too, but there was no way to do that without catching the crabs and penning them here. And they wouldn’t stay still long enough to be therapeutic, anyway.”

Community leaders have embraced the classes.

“It’s something to do on the island that doesn’t involve alcohol,” the former-Reverend Jerrod Ephesians said. “For Blacktip, that’s revolutionary, really.”

Others concurred.

“People can laugh all they want, but this is just one more unique thing that draws visitors to Blacktip,” island mayor Jack Cobia said. “The classes are so popular, Bindy’s turning students away. And Elena’s resort’s booked solid for the next six months.”

Pigeon shrugged off the nay-sayers.

“People can snicker all they want,” she said. “Iguana yoga’s the real deal and it’s here to namaste.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Caribbean

Tagged as , , , , , ,