Monthly Archives: June 2023

Blacktip Island Announces New Sargassum Beach Marine Park

sargassum beach park 2

The masses of wind-driven seaweed clogging Blacktip Island’s beaches has been designated a marine park. (photo courtesy of Val Schrader/Blacktip Island Marine Parks)

Blacktip Island officials Wednesday announced the creation of the small Caribbean island’s Sargassum Beach Marine Park, providing environmental protection for the masses of sargassum and other seaweed clogging its beaches.

“Sargassum’s the new normal, and we have to embrace it,” marine parks spokesperson Val Schrader said. “There’s so much of it, and turtle grass, washing up, we can’t remove it fast enough. The upside, though, is it’s created a new ecosystem that’s attracting and supporting all sorts of wildlife.

“We’re seeing birds like stilts, egrets, gulls, snipe and other non-beach species feeding in the decaying seaweed, and protecting the rotting piles will safeguard those populations,” Schrader said. “Blacktip Island has become a more important stopping point on migratory flyways, and our ecological diversity is growing.”

Local ecologists agreed.

“This is an important step in protecting a burgeoning habitat,” Blacktip Island Birding Society president Hoot Parrett said. “With the new and varied species on the beaches these days, Blacktip’s a new hot spot for birders word wide. This park’s creation will make the island as famous for birding as it is for scuba diving.”

Other residents oppose the park.

“Rotting seaweed’s a huge, stinky mess, the government has no solution and this is just a way to distract from that,” ecologist Ernestine Bass said. “For every bird watcher it attracts, there a dozen tourists it scares off. This stuff’s killing our island economy.

“As it decomposes, sargassum creates sulfur and cyanide gases,” Bass said. “You can’t sit downwind of it without gagging. And now they’re finding flesh-eating bacteria in beached seaweed, too. There’s no positive to this mess choking our beaches.”

Some local organizations have embraced the park.

“It’s not just the birds. There’s sea life the sargassum supports,” marine science educator Goby Graysby said. “We’re finding rare sargassum eels and sulfurous pipe horses on the seaward side of the grass piles. This is a great opportunity to study these unusual creatures.

“We’re conducting sargassum ecology classes, with students kitted out in full-face rebreathers and haz-mat suits so they can pick through the rotting growth and identify as many new species as possible without passing out. The down side is, with it a protected habitat now, we can’t let the kiddos go out and have sargassum fights like we used to.”

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Aaaah. Wednesday.

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Blacktip Island Weather

55

Sunday, June 25, 2023

Temperature: 93

Humidity: 74%

Precipitation: Count on it

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Groupers Attack Blacktip Island Fishing Boats

groupers attack boat rudders

Aggregations of usually-docile Nassau groupers began attacking fishing boats around Blacktip Island this week. (photo courtesy of Oregon State University)

Schools of Nassau groupers this week began what authorities are calling a series of coordinated attacks on boat rudders and propellers around Blacktip Island for unknown reasons.

“All of a sudden there’s been a spate of these group attacks, all by Nassau groupers, a species not known for schooling,” marine parks spokesperson Val Schrader said. “They’re going after boat rudders and propellers, and only stop their attacks when the boat is disabled.

“There’s reports of whales doing this sort of thing to sailboats in the Mediterranean, but never with grouper in the Caribbean,” Schrader said. “Why they’re doing this, and why now, is still a mystery. Our leading theory is a fisherman angered a grouper, and the fish is getting revenge by teaching others to join it in attacking boats in unison.”

Scientists suspect a less-vindictive cause.

“Nassaus getting together to attack is pretty far-fetched,” Tiperon University-Blacktip marine biology professor Ernesto Mojarra said. “But they’re quite intelligent, and playful. Our hypothesis is the fish have simply invented a new game and are oblivious to the damage they’re causing.

“There’s also the possibility this is a transient group passing through the region,” Mojarra said. “That ould explain the sudden occurrence and the new behavior. We’re doing studies into both scenarios.”

Local fishermen, bearing the brunt of the attacks, are taking steps to safeguard their boats.

“Grouper come after me, they gonna get a oar to the head,” Harry Blenny said. “Safe enough when the propeller’s spinning, but soon as I turn the motor off and start fishing, them grouper come at me. Getting revenge on fishermen’s what’s behind it. Need to catch the ringleader, teach the others a lesson.”

Scuba operators have been less affected.

“Our boats have pretty big rudders, so a Nassau’d have a tough time damaging it,” Eagle Ray Divers ops manager Ger Latner said. “We’re also on their side, telling our divers to protect the reef and to not harass marine life. That may have something to do with it as well. None of us have killed their fishy friends.”

Other experts posited a more esoteric motivation.

“The simplest explanation is they just don’t want to be called ‘grouper’ anymore,” fish psychologist Jodi Hamlet said. “These are solitary fish, each with its own personality, and they’ve not only been lumped together, they’ve been given the quintessential generic ‘group’ name. And now they’re stuck with it.

“These attacks are simply their way of reclaiming the name, acting as a group to make the term their own,” Hamlet said. “They’re sliding that signifier under a new signifier, making these individual ‘grouper’ acts the new signified. They’ve remade themselves. And I think we need to respect that.”

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Frigate About It

Narrator: “It’s common for hunting dolphins to stun fish with their tails, then return to consume them, as we see this young bottlenose . . . D’oh!”

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Blacktip Island Weather

54

Sunday, June 18, 2023

Temperature: 91

Humidity: 73%

Precipitation: Not happening

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Cocaine-Crazed Land Crabs Terrorize Blacktip Island

cocaine crabs

Swarms of land crabs, high on cocaine, are terrorizing Blacktip Island residents and guests this week. (photo courtesy of Stefan Hunt)

Swarms of land crabs on Blacktip Island this week attacked numerous island residents after the crustaceans allegedly found and opened a bag of cocaine that had washed ashore, authorities said.

“We recovered several packages of cocaine on the west coast beaches, and right after that, the crabs around there just went berserk,” Island Police Constable Rafe Marquette said. “They’re attacking people and wildlife indiscriminately, and making life a nightmare at the resorts and restaurants and bars.

“Them getting into a random bag of blow is the only thing that explains it,” Marquette said. “We think the crabs dragged a bag into the brush. Finding that bag is critical. I’ve tried to search the area, but the crabs there are so wired, they’ve torn up three pairs of my boots so far.”

Residents say the problem is getting worse.

“These things are like zombie crabs—they just keep coming at you, snapping those claws and pinching anything they can get ahold of,” Club Scuba Doo owner Ham Pilchard said. “Squash ‘em flat with a car, they just keep on scuttling at you, claws raised and guts dragging. It’s like that bear, but more so, because there’s more of them.

“And worse, the soldier crabs have gotten a snootful, too,” Pilchard said. “Those little suckers’ll bore right through the side of your house, like they do coconuts. We’re temporarily issuing hammocks to our guests so they can sleep in relative peace.”

Nearby resorts had broader concerns.

“We’ve got coked-up crabs swarming our dive boats, going after divers’ bare feet,” Eagle Ray Divers divemaster Marina DeLow said. “But the bigger worry is what if this coke frenzy spreads to the aquatic hermit crabs? At that point, diving would be all but impossible.”

Island authorities have improvised anti-crab measures.

“First time we’ve run into something like this, so we’re experimenting to see what works best,” animal control supervisor Coryl Bleeching said. “The most effective solution so far’s been giving Dermott Bottoms and James Conlee golf clubs and a bottle of rum and telling ‘em it’s tee time. It’s fun to watch, too. From the safety of a car. With the windows rolled up.

“At first, some of the kids thought it was fun to run down the road dodging angry crabs,” Bleeching said. “Then little Shelly Bottoms tripped and the crabs were all over her. We got her out OK, with not too much loss of blood, but it put an end to the games.”

Some, though, viewed the situation in a positive light.

“This sets up perfect for a Running of the Crabs event every year,” de facto island mayor Jack Cobia said. “Of course, it’d depend on being able to get a bag of coke, which is a major legal obstacle. We’re working on getting Rafe to donate a seized bag every so often. For the good of the island. And by ‘we’ I mean ‘me.’”

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Blacktip Island Weather

53

Sunday, June 11, 2023

Temperature: 92

Humidity: 74%

Precipitation: Sailor take warning

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Inaugural Blacktip Island Underwater Marathon Set For Saturday

underwater marathon

Scuba marathoners will have to battle currents and dodge coral heads Saturday in the small Caribbean island’s first-ever underwater marathon. (photo courtesy of violetto_mm)

Blacktip Island athletes Saturday will compete in the small Caribbean island’s first underwater marathon, a grueling race around the island’s coast, without surfacing, to raise money for local charity.

“Marathons are all the rage, and we wanted to do something really island and scuba specific,” Blacktip Island Athletic Society President Olive Beaugregory said. “Contestants will be on scuba the entire time, with fresh tanks, regulators and BCDs staged every few miles. If you break the surface, you’re automatically disqualified.

“It’s a balance between going fast and using lots of air, and conserving air but falling behind the pack,” Beaugregory said. “This’s a first-ever event, so there’ll be glitches, of course. But so long as everybody survives, it’s all good.”

Racers say dive depth is key.

“After a few weeks of practice, I think the ideal depth is 10-12 feet,” Kay Valve said. “Any shallower, the surge and bad vis’ll mess you up. Any deeper you use too much air and run into deco issues. And swim more than 26 miles.

“Realistically, it’s part marathon, part obstacle course,” Valve said. “You have to swim around coral heads and under swim-throughs, all while navigating using your depth gauge. And rogue currents are a total random element we’ll have to deal with. It’s an added challenge that makes the race so compelling.”

Local historians say the idea of a long underwater swim is not new.

“Oddly enough, this marathon has its roots in an actual event in the 1700s,” island historian Smithson Altschul said. “Pirates had landed in Mango Sound, at Blacktip’s southern tip. “Smackie Bottoms saw them come ashore and wanted to warn folks at the north end, but it was too dangerous to go across land.

“Old Smackie, he grabbed his diving bell and set out underwater and undetected,” Altschul said. “Swam all the way up to where the airstrip is now, crawled out of the water and warned folks so they could go hide up on the bluff. Forgotten part of island history, but an important one. Of course, Smackie died right after giving the warning, so it’s a cautionary tale. We’re aiming for a happier outcome.”

Event organizers stressed the safety measures in place.

“We’ll have snorkelers shadowing each diver, ready to help,” Beaugregory said. “They’ll also be able to chase off any too-inquisitive sharks, and sweep aside any jellyfish. And Nurse Marissa’ll be on hand with a defibrillator, oxygen and saline injections.”

Proceeds from the race, minus expenses, will go to the island’s Divemaster Retirement Fund.

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Yeah. Be *that* dolphin.

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