Monthly Archives: August 2023
Happy Dolphins and Dinoflagellates Day to all who observe
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Blacktip Island Weather
Sunday, August 27, 2023
Temperature: 96
Humidity: 73%
Precipitation: Not happenin’
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Blacktip Island To Host Dump-Sourced Underwater Lightsaber Festival
Would-be Jedis of all ages are encouraged to participate in this weekend’s Underwater Lightsaber Festival and competition, sponsored by Blacktip Island’s Society for Creative Futurism. (photo courtesy of matnkic)
Blacktip Island’s Society for Creative Futurism will sponsor its inaugural Underwater Lightsaber Festival this weekend to draw attention to the small Caribbean island’s need to reuse and recycle household goods instead of sending them to the island’s overfull dump.
“Some of us have been making lightsabers for a while,” SCF president Catalina Luxfer said. “Building the hilt and focusing the plasma blade is pretty straightforward. The challenge is to create the saber solely with items found in the island’s dump. It’s our way of graphically demonstrating just how much reusable debris is simply tossed aside.
“On a small island like this, with limited landfill space, we can’t afford not to reuse, repurpose and recycle,” Luxfer said. “We added the requirement for the swords to function underwater to draw even more attention to the problem. Physics-wise, it’s not much of a jump, but it’s damned impressive. And the fish seem to love it, especially the hamlets.”
Other SCF members noted the festival’s strict format.
“Participants will have all day Friday to gather parts at the landfill,” Payne Hanover said. “Then they’ll have all day Saturday to construct their weapons at the Heritage House, where spectators and judges can watch the assembly. On Sunday we’ll all deploy to the sand flats off Didley’s Landing for the combat demonstrations.
“We’re stressing safety at every step of the process,” Hanover said. “It’s easy to get cut up digging through the dump, and during the assembly process we’ll require builders to always point the plasma-blade generator in a safe direction. A couple of weeks ago Booger Bottoms put an eye out when he first powered up his blade.”
Organizers said sabers will be judged on ingenuity, originality and effectiveness.
“It’s more of a celebration than a contest, a symposium, if you will, on this technology,”
Val Schrader said. “But we’re all fairly competitive, so there have to be prizes of some sort. Single- and multi-blade swords will be allowed. The most interesting part, I think, will be seeing the variety of lightsabers produced by essentially like-minded people.
“The sabers will be judged by local Jedi,” Schrader said. “Well, members of the island’s Jedi Church, anyway. But it’s pretty much the same thing.”
To encourage attendance, all phases of the event will be free and open to the public.
“We want as many people as possible involved with recycling and conservation, but we’re also looking for new SCF members of all ages,” Luxfer said. “We’re especially hopeful we’ll attract some younger would-be Jedi and Sith padawans so we can pass this knowledge on to future generations.”
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Doomsday Recipe Vault Planned For Blacktip Island
Blacktip Island residents will construct a storage vault, modeled on Norway’s doomsday seed vault, to preserve their favorite island recipes in the event of a natural disaster. (photo courtesy of Cierra Martin)
Blacktip Island authorities have chosen a site high on the small Caribbean island’s southern bluff to construct a vault to preserve island recipes for future generations in case of a civilization-ending catastrophe.
“With all the wildfires and wars and meteors going on right now, we thought it best to build a secure repository of things that can’t be replaced,” Christina Mojarra said. “We’re concentrating on things that’ll help rebuild civilization if all us current Blacktippers get wiped out.
“We got the idea from that seed vault they built up in Svalbard,” Mojarra said. “We’re building it out of concrete, up high on the bluff, in the center of the island, safe from any flooding. We’ll keep the bushes trimmed back, too, to reduce fire risk. This is our culture, our heritage on the line here.”
Locals were quick to debate what recipes should go into the vault.
“Harry Blenny’s conch fritters are a shoe-in,” Reg Gurnard said. “So is ‘Tonio Fletcher’s fortified sea-grape wine. And Peachy Bottoms’ callaloo, maybe. Folks crawl out of caves after a doomsday event, they’ll be needing things like that. We’re taking suggestions now, and will be putting it all to a vote Friday.”
Some residents, however, questioned the project.
“The whole thing’s a bogus construction project of Rich Skerritt’s, on worthless land he owns up on the bluff,” government watchdog Wade Soote said. “I guarantee it’ll go way over budget, repeatedly, and’ll never get finished. He’s not doing this to preserve culture or out of altruism. He’s building it to wash money through.
“The whole Skerritt family’s in on it,” Soote said. “They’re building a special road up to the place, too. And Ferris Skerritt’s handling all the finances, so you know it’s dodgy as all get-out.”
Others focused on more practical matters.
“Dermott Bottoms is lobbying hard to be the caretaker, but that’s just because he wants to use the bunker as his personal hurricane shelter,” vault conservator Fannie Bottoms said. “Knowing Dermott, there won’t be much caretaking, but there’s be an awful lot of beer drinking.”
Bottoms denied the allegation.
“Concerned about Blacktip’s heritage, y’know,” he said. “Concerned about passing things on to the next generation. And if I happen to be up there during a big storm, that just means everything inside’s that much safer.”
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Blacktip Island Weather
Sunday, August 12, 2023
Temperature: 96
Humidity: 73%
Precipitation: Sauna soon come
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‘Scuber’ Dive Gear-Share App Debuts On Blacktip Island
A Scuber delivery driver unloads two sets of scuba diving equipment for divers at Blacktip Island’s Spider Bight Thursday. (photo courtesy of Piers ‘Doc’ Plank)
A Blacktip Island entrepreneur announced Wednesday the introduction of what he is calling a ‘scuba dive gear-share app’ designed to provide rental scuba gear within minutes to shore divers anywhere on the small Caribbean island.
“This addresses a growing need on Blacktip,” Piers ‘Doc’ Plank said. “People lollygag to the beach, realize it’s a perfect spot to dive, but they don’t have any scuba gear so they’re out of luck. But now, they just type their info into our app, and we drive the gear out to them.
“We’re calling it ‘Scuber,” Plank said. “It gets their location from GPS, and folks can track our delivery vehicle in real time. Then, after the dive, they just tap the ‘done’ tab, leave the gear by the roadside and we come pick it up.”
Early testers praised the service.
“We entered what gear we needed and our sizes, and 10 minutes later we were wading into the water, ready to dive,” Palometa Fischer said. “We wanted to travel with just carry on, and weren’t sure we would dive at all. Then we biked along the east coast, and the sea was so calm and beautiful, we knew we had to give it a go.
“Scuber had two complete sets of dive gear to us in less than 15 minutes,” Fischer said. “After the dive, we just toweled off, left the kit for them to pick up and biked back to the resort. Worked great, and we’d certainly use them again. It’s the perfect service.”
Scuber is not without its detractors, though.
“It took them half an hour to get to us, when the app said 3 minutes,” Kenny Chromis said. “That’s a long time on the roadside, baking in the hot sun. Then, when we hooked up the gear, the regs free-flowed and the BCDs wouldn’t hold air. And because of some kind of legal gobbledy-gook in the terms of service, they wouldn’t give us a refund. They get zero stars, across the board.”
The service has also come under fire from island scuba charter businesses.
“Doc’s siphoning off divers that would otherwise be on our boats, in our rental gear,” Eagle Ray Divers’ operations manager Ger Latner said. “It’s legal, but it’s dirty pool. Blacktip’s too small for this sort of thing. Folks in the dive industry, well, we won’t be buying, or promoting, any of his Bamboo You dive gadgets anymore. And we damn sure won’t be working as his gear delivery drivers.”
Plank was unconcerned by the criticism.
“This is something new. People are always afraid of that,” he said. “Sure, we’re still working out the kinks, but people have to understand this is the wave of the future. Instead of criticizing Scuber, dive ops ought to be figuring out ways to incorporate it with their existing dive product. First one to do that stands to make a ton of money.”
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The Blacktip Times 