Category Archives: Scuba Diving

December 5, 2014 · 8:13 am

Blacktip Island Company Develops Nicotine-Infused Wetsuits

Color-coded Nicoprene wetsuit will mask their tobacco smell with seaweed, frangipani and stale urine scents, Blacktip Island’s Bamboo You owner Piers ‘Doc’ Plank said.

Color-coded Nicoprene wetsuit will mask their tobacco smell with seaweed, frangipani and stale urine scents, Blacktip Island’s Bamboo You owner Piers ‘Doc’ Plank said.

Blacktip Island scuba outfitter Bamboo You has released Nicoprene, a neoprene-like wetsuit infused with liquid nicotine, for the Caribbean island’s scuba divers craving tobacco during dives.

“There’s smokers on dive boats all the time who can’t make it through the morning,” Bamboo You owner Piers ‘Doc’ Plank said. “They’re sneaking puffs on the bow, hanging on the tagline with a cig and a lighter in a Ziploc. Now they don’t have to suffer.”

Nicoprene is an offshoot of the company’s already-popular Bambooprene bamboo-fiber wetsuits.

“Our patented capillary technology allows a dose of nicotine to spread evenly throughout the suit,” Plank said. “You refill the suit before each dive. No fuss, no mess, just happy divers.

“The liquid nicotine is all natural and 100 percent organic,” Plank said. “It’s extracted from seaweed washed up on Blacktip Island beaches. We’re providing local jobs and keeping the beaches tidy in one fell swoop.”

To cover the nicotine’s strong smell, the company offers Nicoprene refills in a variety of scents, including sea wrack, tropical flowers and peed-in wetsuit.

Local divers are excited the new suits also double as a self-tanning system, with the darkness of tan dependent on the degree of nicotine infusion.

“It’s not that weird, orangey-looking faux tan you get from a bottle,” Eagle Ray Cove divemaster Maxie Fondé said. “It’s an all-over, natural-looking faux tan. You smell a bit like an old shoe, but hey, there’s trade offs to everything.”

Bamboo You’s Plank confirmed the company will offer a complete line of tanning accessories in time for the holiday shopping season.

“We’re turning out gloves and booties to ensure an even, all-over bronzed look,” Plank said. “And vapor-infused dive masks to nico-tan divers’ faces. No one wants a diver’s tan any more than they want a golfer’s tan.”

Blacktip Island’s medical community is upbeat about Nicoprene as well.

“Nicoprene’s a boon for people who want to tan without the hazards of UV rays,” island surgeon Dr. Azul Tang said.

“We’re also looking into using Nicoprene as a smoking cessation tool,” Tang said. “The idea’s to bring smokers down and combine their scuba vacation with a stop-smoking regimen. We have clients lining up already.”

Neither Plank nor Tang would comment on reports Tang is an investor in Bamboo You, or that Plank and Tang are part owners in the Caribbean island’s Club Scuba Doo dive resort.

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November 7, 2014 · 5:42 am

Blacktip Island Launches Surveillance Satellite

Amateur photo of Conchnik 1’s Thursday night launch from Blacktip Island’s Spider Bight space port.

Amateur photo of Conchnik 1’s Thursday night launch from Blacktip Island’s Spider Bight space port.

The Tiperon Island Space Agency Thursday night launched its first low-Earth orbiting satellite, Cocnhnik 1, from Blacktip Island, making the Caribbean island nation the newest member of the world’s orbital launch-capable community.

“This sucker puts Blacktip, and the Tiperons, on the interstellar map,” said Rich Skerritt, owner of Skerritt Communications, one of the project’s underwriters. “Blacktip’s not an isolated backwater anymore. We’re flying with the big dogs now.

“Conchnik was locally designed and built, start to finish,” Skerritt said. “The solid rocket boosters were fueled with weapons-grade rum resin produced right here on Blacktip Island.”

Space agency officials promise Conchnik 1 will provide improved communications, weather forecasting and scuba dive site navigation.

Critics, however, questioned how the fledgling space program was funded and what other purposes Conchnik’s top-secret payload might used for.

“They launch some multi-billion dollar gizmo that’s five times the country’s yearly budget, and we’re supposed to believe they did it out of the goodness of their hearts?” local activist Ledford Waite said. “What kind of communication? And what kind of navigation?

“Who’s to say they’re not funneling all this data to the NSA for a fat paycheck? Or that the North Korea didn’t flat-out pay for this thing 100 percent?” Waite said. “It’s a spy satellite, plain and simple. Well, maybe not so simple – it is maintaining a low-Earth orbit. But that just proves my point.”

Government officials were quick to dispel those fears.

“Conchnik 1’s mission is purely scientific,” TISA spokesperson Dr. Azul Tang said via satellite phone from an astrophysics conference in Brazil. “Could it be used for surveillance? Sure. But in a public safety context. If someone gets robbed or murdered or lost on a dive site, this satellite will enable us to take appropriate action as soon as possible.

“Conchnik was financed by public donations,” Tang said. “School children held bake sales as part of their science curriculum. This criticism is unfounded and harmful top the community.”

Other community members had a more cynical view of the project.

“Skerritt’s a pirate, from a family of pirates, and Led Waite’s been co-opted,” local activist Harry Pickett said. “A satellite manufactured and launched from Blacktip Island? Seriously? There is no satellite. There never was. There’s just a crappy YouTube video.”

“They faked the project, and the launch, to drain the public purse. Everyone in on it’s living it up in South America by now. And with Led and his cronies protesting the so-called satellite, well, it gives credence to the scam.”

Those involved with the program disagreed.

“Conspiracy theories and rectums – everybody’s got one,” Rich Skerritt said. “How in the world could you fake something the whole island saw? These hippies are just worried we’ll be keeping tabs on them.”

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October 31, 2014 · 5:50 am

Zombie Barracuda Stalks Blacktip Island Divers

Baracuda

Amateur photo of what is believed to be the undead barracuda terrorizing Blacktip Island divers. (photo by John Martin Davies)

 

A rash of underwater attacks on recreational scuba divers Thursday is being attributed to the legendary chupagroupa, or ‘grouper sucker.’

“This manky gray thing buzzed by my head, teeth flashing,” said one victim. “One minute I’m taking pictures of a fairy basslet, the next, whoosh, my hand’s bleeding and my camera’s gone.”

“It looked like an eel, but with a crocodile head,” said another victim. “And whirly red eyes. And chunks falling off it. It wasn’t natural.”

Tiperon Island marine park officials are skeptical.

“We know something unusual’s out there, but a zombie barracuda? Seriously?” Marine Parks spokesperson Val Schrader said. “We’ve been finding dead, blood-drained grouper on the reef, sure, but a rogue octopus or a boating accident are far more realistic culprits.”

“This was no rogue octopus,” government watchdog Wade Soote said. “This was worst case scenario. The Marine Parks folks just don’t want to spook the tourists.

“We’ve had our eye on this situation. Our worry’s been whether chupagroupa’s attacks would shift to humans as the grouper population thinned. What happened yesterday confirmed our worst fears. Now he’s got a taste for human blood.”

Scientists at Tiperon University-Blacktip say the creature is most likely a barracuda hobbled by sickness or age, able to gnaw at grouper but not kill them.

“In a weakened state, such a fish might see recreational scuba divers as viable prey,” said TU-B marine biology professor Ernesto Mojarra. “As for the rotting flesh people are reporting, well, it could just be an old fish. Or the divers were so deep they had nitrogen narcosis. Or were diving drunk.”

Island old timers swear otherwise.

“It’s old chupa. Guarantee you that,” Dermott Bottoms said. “He’s hungry, and pissed off all those divers are on his reef scaring the grouper. If that chupa’s pissed at you, he’ll get you.”

“Hooked chupa, fishing a while back,” James Conlee said. “Hauled him in, chopped him up, chucked the bits over the reef. Fish wouldn’t eat him. Next day, he’s whole and eyeballing my skiff. Now he’s found fresher meat, thank God.”

Blacktip Island’s business owners worry about the negative impact the incidents have had on the island’s dive industry.

“This damned chupa-whatsit nonsense’s gutting us,” Eagle Ray Cove resort owner Rich Skerritt said. “No one’ll get on our dive boats. They’re all howling for their money back.”

“No way we’re getting in the water with who-knows-what out there,” said one Sandy Bottoms Beach Resort guest. “We’re not even letting the kids near the pool.”

The bitten scuba divers voiced larger concerns.

“That thing drew blood,” one victim said. “I mean, I read the news. I know how this stuff works. Next step, I’m an underwater zombie, too.”

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October 3, 2014 · 7:48 am

Radiation Closes Blacktip Island Dive Site

Reactor Reef was one of Blacktip’s most popular night dive spots before the Caribbean island’s authorities closed the site.

Reactor Reef was one of Blacktip’s most popular night dive spots before the Caribbean island’s authorities closed the site.

Scuba diving on Blacktip Island’s Reactor Reef was banned Thursday after researchers discovered one of the coral heads there is an ancient meteorite emitting significant levels of radiation.

“We’ve always known the fish around that reef were odd – three eyes, two heads sorts of stuff,” marine parks chief Val Schrader said. “We named it as a joke. Turns out to be case of truth said in jest.”

Scientists from Tiperon University-Blacktip discovered the radiation while doing unrelated research at the dive site.

“We were tagging lionfish at the site with these new radium-226 trackers,” said TU-B professor Ernesto Mojarra. “Mild radiation, you understand. When we flipped on the Geiger counter to test the tags, wham-bam! the needle just pegged out.”

Samples date the meteor to approximately 65 million years ago, about the same time as the Cretaceous-Paleogene meteor strike in the western Caribbean that caused the dinosaur extinction.

“There’s an excellent chance this is a remnant of that extinction event,” Mojarra said.

Vacationing scuba divers, meanwhile, are upset the island’s most popular night dive site is closed indefinitely.

“It was wonderful diving there, what with the fish lighting up the reef,” Sandy Bottoms Beach Resort guest Suzy Souccup said. “And the water was so warm you never needed a wetsuit.”

Local authorities reassured island residents the meteorite poses no threat to those not diving around it.

“Closing the site’s just a safety precaution. Folks have been diving there for years with no ill effects,” Department of Public Health spokesman Ferris Skerritt said. “Now, divemasters who lead dives there a lot are a sickly bunch, but who’s to say that’s radiation sickness and not just your bog-standard hangover.”

One local business owner is taking advantage of the meteorite’s proximity to his property.

“We’re gonna power the resort with that thing,” Eagle Ray Cove’s Rich Skerritt said. “It’s here and we can’t get rid of it, so we might as well use it. Lemons-to-lemonade, even if it does make your eyebrows fall out.

“With it so close offshore, I’ll get a couple of divemasters to run cables out and, voila, we have free electricity.”

NAUI, SSI and YMCA have advised recreational divers to avoid Blacktip Island’s west coast.

PADI announced it is adding ‘Meteorite Diver’ and ‘Radiation First Responder’ to its course offerings.

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September 26, 2014 · 7:07 am

Blacktip Island Shipwreck May Be Legendary Pirate Galleon

The wreck discovered by lost scuba tourists off Blacktip Island could be the Caribbean’s legendary Santo Mojito pirate ship.

The wreck discovered by lost scuba tourists off Blacktip Island could be the Caribbean’s legendary Santo Mojito pirate ship.

Tiperon Islands authorities announced Thursday the discovery of a previously-unknown shipwreck off Blacktip Island’s west coast. The wreck, possibly dating to the early 18th Century, was discovered by scuba diving tourists.

“Couple of knuckleheads got lost and stumbled across it,” Eagle Ray Divers operations manager Ger Latner said. “They came up on the wrong boat, hell-and-gone from where they started, with no idea where they were or where they’d been. Took us three days of swimming grid patterns to find the damn thing.”

“It’s too early to tell for sure what we’re dealing with,” said government spokesperson Doc Plank, “but it’s definitely a galleon-type vessel, and there’s not many of those unaccounted for in this part of the Caribbean.”

Local maritime experts speculate the ship is the legendary Santo Mojito, which terrorized the Spanish Main under three famous pirate captains. The ship was lost in the Great Hurricane of 1723.

“Redbeard absconded with the ship, crew and all, from the docks in Cartagena in, oh, 1712,” island historian Smithson Altschul said. “Blackbeard commandeered it from him in 1718, then lost it to Fauxbeard in what the records famously call ‘a gamme of pokker’ in 1721.

“Historians are in consensus that Fauxbeard was the nom de guerre of pirate Mary Read after she faked her death in Jamaica the year before,” Altshul said.

“The Santo Mojto was refitted as a casino cruise ship, the first of its kind in the Caribbean,” Altschul said. “She left Panama in mid-September. A week later the hurricane whacked the central Caribbean. The Santo Mojito was never heard from again.”

“If this is the S-M, it’s a priceless piece of Caribbean history,” Blacktip Island Historic Association chair Wade Soote said. “So’s all the gold she carried. Especially the gold.”

The government is flying in experts from the United State and Europe to confirm their findings. In the meantime, authorities are focused on preserving the wreck and its contents.

“We’ve cordoned off the area with fishing skiffs until we can positively identify the wreck and inventory its contents,” Island Police Constable Rafe Marquette said.

“Yahoos’ve tried to sneak in on underwater DPVs, but their scuba bubbles gave them away,” Marquette said. “Our big concern is looters using rebreathers that leave no tell-tail bubble trail. We’ve installed nets made of 200-pound monofilament around the wreck to discourage that. Divers can’t see the monofil, but it tangles them up in a heartbeat. Then we just haul them to the surface.”

The Caribbean Salvage and Exploration Association is protesting the government’s efforts to protect the wreck, as well as the netting of several of its members.

“It’s a pirate ship filled with pirate treasure,” said CSEA commandant Jack Snapper. “Its rightful place is with pirates, not some government warehouse.”

“If this island’s authorities aren’t pirates, I don’t know who is,” Doc Plank said. “Any treasure found on this wreck will used for the public good. Mostly.”

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September 12, 2014 · 7:59 am

Government Chains Blacktip Island to Sea Floor

The chains holding Blacktip Island to the seabed were forged on site and installed by Public Safety Department scuba divers.

The chains holding Blacktip Island to the seabed were forged on site and installed by Public Safety Department scuba divers.

In an effort to keep Blacktip Island in place should it break free from its foundation, the Tiperon Islands Public Safety Department has installed chains to hold the Caribbean island to the seabed.

“Given the advanced stage of erosion under the island, we were concerned Blacktip might come loose and float away,” public safety spokesperson Rocky Shore said. “The last thing we want to be is a navigational hazard.”

“The bigger worry was if Blacktip drifted into someone else’s territorial waters,” added acting-mayor Jack Cobia. “I mean, a good south wind and we’d be part of Cuba in a day, day-and-a-half, tops. And I don’t speak a lick of Spanish.”

The island’s tourism professionals fully back the measure.

“This has been a huge worry among our scuba diving guests,” said Blacktip Haven resort owner Elena Havens. “They ask all the time if the island goes all the way to the bottom. Now we can take them down and show them the safeguards we have in place.”

“There’s no chance divers will surface and finding our island’s gone,” Club Scuba Doo manager Polly Parrett said. “That’s happened other places in the Caribbean, you just don’t hear about it. Tourism departments hush that sort of thing up.”

Government engineers teamed up with the island’s scientific community to design the mooring system.

“Every computer simulation we’ve run shows this is the best way to safeguard the island,” Tiperon University-Blacktip professor Ernest Mojarra said. “It’s not the easiest solution, or the cheapest, but these chains’ll hold up to a Cat Five hurricane without missing a beat.”

The chains are forged from a titanium alloy formulated to reduce corrosion and wear-related weakening. Individual links were manufactured on site due to their size and weight.

“It took every tree on the island to keep the forges hot, but that couldn’t be helped,” the government’s Shore said. “It was deforestation or public safety.

“We left plenty of slack to allow for tides and storms, so Blacktip’ll drift a bit,” Shore added, “but we’re only talking maybe a 100-meter total swing, max. Divers using landmarks on shore may have a little trouble finding dive sites, but not much.”

Environmental groups, while decrying the topside damage, are pleased with the shelter the chains will offer aquatic life.

“These big links going down, down, down from the surface will provide wonderful new habitat for species throughout the water column,” said Ginger Bass, Foundation for Ichthyologic Species Habitat president. “We couldn’t be happier about that.”

Scuba resorts are already pitching the mooring system as unique dive sites.

“It’ll be lovely once there’s some sponge and coral growth on the links,” Club Scuba Doo’s Parrett said. “Our chains will be one of the Caribbean’s premier dives in a few years.”

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September 5, 2014 · 7:24 am

Divemaster Strike Closes Blacktip Island Reefs

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Protesters have blocked the Blacktip Island airstrip, preventing resort owners from flying in replacement divemasters.

 

In a move sending shock waves through the Caribbean scuba diving community, dive staff at all Blacktip Island’s resorts have gone on strike demanding better compensation.

“We tried talking to the resort owners rationally,” Divemaster’s Local #138 president Finn Kiick said. “They turned a deaf ear. Now we’re playing hardball, shutting down the dive sites. We’re the ones who built up these dive operations and keep them running every day while the owners sip champagne.

“They’re exploiting us, and their greed perpetuates the economic gulf in the island’s society.”

“Exploiting, hell,” Sandy Bottoms Beach Resort owner Sandy Bottoms said. “We give these people jobs, pay their wages. They want a scapegoat for their personal failings and lit on us.”

“What proper society isn’t greedy?” Eagle Ray Cove owner Rich Skerritt said. “Greed transformed this island from mass subsistence to mass prosperity. Left to their own devices, these damn scuba hippies wouldn’t know enough to come in out of the rain.”

At the heart of the strike is the divemasters’ pay and benefits.

“We get whacked in the face with peed-in wetsuits,” union president Kiick said. “We get weight belts and scuba tanks dropped on our feet. We laugh at the same stupid jokes week-in and week-out. All without complaint.

“We’re simply asking for a livable wage. And health insurance that includes mental health coverage,” Kiick said. “Mental stability’s a huge issue on this island.”

“They need to stop the drug and alcohol testing, as well,” said union member Lee Helm. “That’s pure systemic repression, that is.”

The strike has left island dive guests furious.

“I save up money all year to come diving, and these yahoos shut down the dive sites?” a Sandy Bottoms Beach Resort guest said. “Hell, I’d do their job for free!”

“We tried letting guests act as divemasters and boat captains,” Blacktip Haven owner Elena Havens said. “We lost a group of eight divers the first morning and had to drag our boat off the reef. We’ve had our guests watching old Sea Hunt episodes in full scuba gear ever since.”

“We’re flying in replacement staff from the big island,” Eagle Ray Cove’s Skerritt said. “For every union-boy, there’s a hundred divemasters begging to take their place. We’ve cut off our dive staff’s bar privileges, too.”

Union organizers have responded by blocking the island’s lone airstrip.

“We have picketers lined up three deep across the runway,” Kiick said. “They can’t bring in scabs if they can’t land an airplane. We have picketers on scuba at all the dive sites, too, in case guests get the notion to shore dive.”

In the interim, resort owners have hired local residents to fill in as dive staff.

“I usually drive the garbage truck,” island resident James Conlee said. “Hauling tourists can’t be that different.”

“I’ll lead dives myself before I knuckle under to these Bolsheviks,” Skerritt said. “They’ll be begging to shovel iguana crap by the time I’m done with them!”

“If guests understood the issues, they’d back us 100 percent,” picketer Helm said. “Plus, if football players making £5 million to work half a year can go on strike, why can’t we?”

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August 8, 2014 · 7:45 am

Locals To Shelter-On-Scuba For Meteor Shower

A university scientist warns this year’s Perseid meteor shower will rain destruction on Blacktip Island.

A university scientist warns this year’s Perseid meteor shower could turn Blacktip Island into a cratered wasteland.

Blacktip Island residents are urged to seek shelter during the height of this week’s Perseid meteor shower, predicted to strike the Caribbean island from 11:17 pm – 2:43 am the night of August 11-12.

“Blacktip will be at the absolute bull’s eye for this year’s Perseid event,” said Tiperon University-Blacktip professor Ernesto Mojarra. “We’ll experience one of the most projectile-intense passes in recent history.

“By Tuesday morning this place could look like a World War I battlefield.”

Many locals plan to shelter in place underwater on the island’s coral reefs for the shower’s most intense period.

“That hurricane shelter smells of feet, and the tin roof barely stops rain,” island resident Lee Helm said. “No way it’ll stand up to meteors. Me? I’m riding it out on scuba.”

“Your average meteor is only deadly to about 18-20 feet in seawater,” TU-B’s Mojarra said. “After that it’s just a cold rock dropping a few feet per second.

“We’re telling folks the best depth for survival is in the 20-30 foot range. That gives the ideal balance between safety from meteors and prolonging one’s air supply.”

“All our rental gear’s spoken for,” Eagle Ray Divers’ owner Rich Skerritt said. “Regulators, tanks, everything. Some folks are reserving two, three cylinders just to be safe.

“We’ll have dive boats available, too, to take folks to the deeper reefs. For an additional fee, of course. Pricey? Sure. But, hey, what’s your life worth?”

Other resort operators are skeptical.

“We’ve set up chairs on our beach so people can watch, and will have complimentary Kevlar umbrellas, but that’s about it,” Club Scuba Doo manager Polly Parrett said. “The way some people are reacting, you’d think the sky was falling. And I suppose it is. But not in a bad way.

“Is it coincidence Ernie’s got a ton of money invested in Eagle Ray Divers? I think not.”

“The Chicken Little story has its basis in fact,” Mojarra said. “This sort of catastrophe’s happened before. And’ll happen again. We can’t just bury our heads in the sand.”

Eagle Ray Divers will offer NAUI, PADI and SSI Meteor Diver distinctive specialty courses for those who shelter on the reefs.

“This is a unique opportunity, despite the danger,” Eagle Ray Divers’ Skerritt said. “Folks are crazy if they don’t take advantage of it. This is a cert card none of their friends’ll have.”

“How often do you get to say, ‘meteors rained down on me and I survived’?” Mojarra said. “And with luck, divers will find spent meteorites on the reef to keep as souvenirs. That’s priceless.”

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August 1, 2014 · 5:59 am

Anger Management Retreat Angers Locals

Anger management sessions at Blacktip Haven and on Blacktip Island’s reefs have created friction on the Caribbean island.

Anger management sessions at Blacktip Haven and on Blacktip Island’s reefs have sparked friction on the Caribbean island.

Blacktip Haven resort’s annual anger management retreat has island residents up in arms following repeated run-ins between participants and scuba diving guests from Blacktip Island’s other resorts.

Local business owners have demanded the resort cease the week-long program.

“The Haven’s up on the Bluff, within easy earshot of half the island,” said Rich Skerritt, owner of Eagle Ray Cove resort. “There’s no way to get away from the noise. Sound carries in tropical air.

“The primal screaming at all hours of the night, it keeps guests and staff alike awake. I know these retreats are all the rage, but this one’s killing our business.”

Blacktip Haven owner Elena Havens was quick to defend the program.

“What we do at The Haven’s no one’s business. I’m filling my resort during the slow season, covering my expenses. If Rich’s place’s half-empty, that’s his problem.”

Other locals disagreed.

“All that hollering, we thought the mersquatch was back on the prowl,” resident Molly Miller said. “To find out it’s just tourists, honestly, that pisses me off.”

“We advertise our resort as a peaceful getaway,” Club Scuba Doo manager Polly Parrett said. “When Elena brings these people in, it destroys that. They set the birds off. Get the iguanas stampeding.”

Island police records show an uptick in violence during the weeks Blacktip Haven has conducted the retreats.

“You bring that many angry people together on one small island, it’s a recipe for disaster,” said Island Police Constable Rafe Marquette. “One person’s anger sets off another, and the next thing you know it’s snowballed into a bar fight or road rage.”

Attempts to conduct sessions underwater have resulted in confrontations as well.

“I’m swimming along with a stingray when this jackass starts whacking me with a stick,” said a Sandy Bottoms Beach Resort dive guest who asked to remain anonymous. “Then his buddies joined in. Only thing kept them from killing me was my pulling a knife on them.”

“There was an isolated incident where a diver stumbled into an underwater drum circle,” Elena Havens said. “It was unfortunate, but in no way indicative of these retreats.”

“These workshops do a lot of good,” said the former-Reverend Jerrod Ephesians, the workshop’s facilitator. “I’m a recovering anger-holic myself. It’s easy to think of Blacktip as a tropical paradise, but there’s a lot of pent-up anger here.

“The naysayers need to have some sense beat into them,” Ephesians said. “When you point a finger at someone, you have three more fingers pointing back at yourself.”

A town hall meeting to discuss the fate of future anger retreats was aborted when a fight broke out in Eagle Ray Cove’s conference room. The meeting had not been rescheduled at press time.

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July 25, 2014 · 7:35 am

Scuba Hunt Club Primed for Lionfish Season

Red lionfish, native to the Indo-Pacific region, have overrun Caribbean reefs in the past decade. Cullers hope rifles will prove more efficient than spears.

Red lionfish, native to the Indo-Pacific region, have overrun Caribbean reefs in the past decade. Cullers hope rifles will prove more efficient than spears.

Blacktip Island’s Scuba Hunt Club will kick off lionfish season this weekend with an underwater safari along the Caribbean island’s west coast. Club members aim to cull as many of the non-native pests as possible with newly-developed underwater rifles.

The Tiperon Islands Department of Natural Resources instituted the hunting season as part of the effort to eradicate the invasive Indo-Pacific fish devastating the islands’ reefs.

“Seven years ago we put a firm quota system in place,” the DNR’s Noddy Bolin said. “Licensed hunters are allowed to cull as many lionfish as they can, with whatever device they can find.”

“We’ve used nets, clubs and spears,” hunt club president B.C. Flote said. “It’s been pretty piecemeal, though, with folks getting what fish they could, but having to leave a lot behind.”

The recent invention of an underwater lionfish rifle – a specially-adapted .308 caliber sealed for underwater use and chambered for an ultra-high velocity round to compensate for water’s density – has made this year’s safari possible. The rifles are fitted with underwater scopes that correct for light refraction at depth.

“Spearing’s fun, sure,” said divemaster Gage Hoase. “But with the spears, you can only get a dozen or so before your air runs out. And the fish duck back in the coral where you can’t get them.

“With these rifles, we can pop hundreds in one dive. It’s not elegant, but it’s effective. And still fun. We can take down a stripey from 40, 50 feet away, no matter how they hide.”

The club hopes the safari concept will allow it to cleanse entire sections of the reef.

“We’re using beaters and baggers to streamline the process,” B.C. Flote said. “Beaters’ll fan out over the reef, whacking their tank bangers to flush the lionfish from the tall sea grass, drive them into killing zones where the hunters can shoot them. The fish, not the beaters.

“Then once a fish is shot, baggers’ll scoot in and grab the carcasses so the hunters can concentrate on shot count and quality. That’s the dicey part. Wounded lionfish can be ferocious. Lots of good hunters’ve been spined that way. They got special gloves this season. And orange wetsuits.”

“We tried using grouper as underwater retrievers instead,” Gage Hoase said. “But the grouper just kept eating the fish.”

Blacktip Island’s PETA chapter has filed a formal protest against the hunt.

“This is piscine genocide, pure and simple,” said PETA head Harry Pickett. “‘Cull’ is just another word for ‘murder.’ The ecosystem has changed. Lionfish are the dominant species on the reef now, with no natural predators. We have to embrace that. Embrace them.”

“Those suckers’ll have plenty of predators come Saturday morning,” the hunt club’s Flote said. “And us hunt club folks are as natural as it gets.”

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