Blacktip Island scuba outfitter Bamboo You has released Nicoprene, a neoprene-like wetsuit infused with liquid nicotine, for the Caribbean island’s scuba divers craving tobacco during dives.
“There’s smokers on dive boats all the time who can’t make it through the morning,” Bamboo You owner Piers ‘Doc’ Plank said. “They’re sneaking puffs on the bow, hanging on the tagline with a cig and a lighter in a Ziploc. Now they don’t have to suffer.”
Nicoprene is an offshoot of the company’s already-popular Bambooprene bamboo-fiber wetsuits.
“Our patented capillary technology allows a dose of nicotine to spread evenly throughout the suit,” Plank said. “You refill the suit before each dive. No fuss, no mess, just happy divers.
“The liquid nicotine is all natural and 100 percent organic,” Plank said. “It’s extracted from seaweed washed up on Blacktip Island beaches. We’re providing local jobs and keeping the beaches tidy in one fell swoop.”
To cover the nicotine’s strong smell, the company offers Nicoprene refills in a variety of scents, including sea wrack, tropical flowers and peed-in wetsuit.
Local divers are excited the new suits also double as a self-tanning system, with the darkness of tan dependent on the degree of nicotine infusion.
“It’s not that weird, orangey-looking faux tan you get from a bottle,” Eagle Ray Cove divemaster Maxie Fondé said. “It’s an all-over, natural-looking faux tan. You smell a bit like an old shoe, but hey, there’s trade offs to everything.”
Bamboo You’s Plank confirmed the company will offer a complete line of tanning accessories in time for the holiday shopping season.
“We’re turning out gloves and booties to ensure an even, all-over bronzed look,” Plank said. “And vapor-infused dive masks to nico-tan divers’ faces. No one wants a diver’s tan any more than they want a golfer’s tan.”
Blacktip Island’s medical community is upbeat about Nicoprene as well.
“Nicoprene’s a boon for people who want to tan without the hazards of UV rays,” island surgeon Dr. Azul Tang said.
“We’re also looking into using Nicoprene as a smoking cessation tool,” Tang said. “The idea’s to bring smokers down and combine their scuba vacation with a stop-smoking regimen. We have clients lining up already.”
Neither Plank nor Tang would comment on reports Tang is an investor in Bamboo You, or that Plank and Tang are part owners in the Caribbean island’s Club Scuba Doo dive resort.