Tag Archives: Blacktip Island

May 22, 2015 · 8:35 am

Blacktip Island Divemaster Invents Spray-On Wetsuit

Blacktip Island divemaster Alison Diesel’s Can-O-Prene wetsuit substitute has divided the small Caribbean island’s scuba diving community.

Blacktip Island divemaster Alison Diesel’s Can-O-Prene wetsuit substitute has divided the small Caribbean island’s scuba diving community.

A spray-on neoprene substitute invented by a Blacktip Island divemaster has many in the dive industry questioning the future of rubber-based wetsuits.

The brainchild of Eagle Ray Divers divemaster Alison Diesel, Can-O-Prene is applied in layers immediately before a dive.

“Guests always ask how thick a wetsuit they need,” Diesel said. “We can’t tell them. Some people get cold easier than others. With Can-O-Prene, though, they can tweak their thermal protection. The more layers you spray on, the toastier you stay. Then at the end of the day, you just peel it off.

“Plus, we ditched all the polymers and acetylene and metal oxides,” Diesel said. “It’s made from soy and seaweed, so it’s enviro-friendly.”

Diesel teamed up with island entrepreneur Piers “Doc” Plank, owner of the Bamboo You line of scuba gear, to manufacture and market Can-O-Prene.

“Alison had the vision and the biochemical know how,” Plank said. “When she approached us about handling the business end of things, we jumped at the chance. This could revolutionize the dive industry.

“Not only is it all natural, it also takes up minimal space in luggage,” Plank said. “Instead of hauling down a heavy wetsuit, imagine tossing a can of air freshener in your bag. That’s all the room Can-O-Prene takes, and one can’ll get you through a week of Caribbean diving.”

Scuba divers who tested the product were impressed.

“It’s like getting a custom drysuit without the custom price,” Eagle Ray Divers divemaster Gage Hoase said. “I mean, it’s just fwoosh and I got a 5/3 suit in minutes.”

Critics, however, questioned Can-O-Prene’s environmental soundness.

“If it comes out of a can, it’s not all natural,” local activist Harry Pickett said. “We have no idea what makes that goop foam like that, or what sort of toxins it’s releasing onto the reef.”

Medical experts worried the product’s potential health risks.

“Without knowing its exact chemical makeup, we don’t know what agents are leaching into divers’ skin,” said island doctor Azul Tang. “At least with vulcanized polychloroprene we know what we’re dealing with.”

Plank and Diesel were quick to allay those concerns.

“Is Can-O-Prene perfect? No,” Plank said. “Frankly, you smell kind of like a dried herring after the third or fourth dive day. We’re working on that. But it’s better than wrapping yourself in fake rubber.”

“It’s biodegradable, latex free, gluten free and dolphin safe,” Diesel added. “You could eat it after you peel it off. Unless you’re one of those grotty divers who to pee in their wetsuit.”

Neither Diesel nor Plank would comment on rumors Can-O-Prene will also be sold in adult novelty stores.

5 Comments

Filed under Caribbean, Scuba Diving

Tagged as , , , , , ,

May 15, 2015 · 7:47 am

Blacktip Island Domino Players Form Regional Think Tank

Blacktip Island’s domino aficionados have created a nonpartisan policy institute to address important issues impacting the region.

Blacktip Island’s domino aficionados have created a nonpartisan policy institute to address important issues impacting the region.

A group of Blacktip Island’s domino enthusiasts have filed articles of incorporation to become the Tiperon Islands’ first nonprofit, nongovernmental policy institute.

The Council for Regional Atmospheric Policy draws on a cross section of Blacktip Island society and will focus on economics, energy, social policy and fashion.

“Folks think we just sit around drinking beer and playing dominoes, you know” Council co-founder Antonio Fletcher said. “But we talk about the news of the day, too. We figure we come up with answers for most every crisis in the Caribbean since 2004. Maybe even 2003.

“It’s really a formality,” Fletcher said. “We already solve the world’s problems each day. This gets us legal recognition, though. And funding.”

The Council is financed by Sandy Bottoms Liquor Store and proceeds from local domino tournaments. Members meet daily in a storage unit behind the liquor store.

Island leaders praised the group’s effectiveness.

“They’ve addressed Blacktip’s sustainability in terms of water conservation, green electricity production and repurposing items from the dump,” island mayor Jack Cobia said. “They also had the idea to put the big recycling barrel next to their domino table for all the bottle and cans.

“Now, we haven’t implemented any of their plans, except the recycling bin, but the results have been impressive,” Cobia said.

The Council’s critics were less enthusiastic.

“A bunch of drunks talking out their backsides isn’t a think tank,” Club Scuba Doo owner Nelson Pilchard said. “By that logic, the Last Ballyhoo bar’s a policy institute, too. And nonprofit? They make out like bandits with free beer.”

Council members were quick to defend the organization.

“I guarantee we don’t turn a profit,” Council member Dermott Bottoms said. “I mean, just look at us.”

“Sandy’s folks do provide the beer,” Fletcher said. “They deliver the cans right out to us, but that’s mostly so we don’t wander in and scare off customers. Couple of members aren’t allowed within 100 yards of the store, too.”

Fletcher said the Council is currently focused on immigration reform and its effects on regional culture, a study he says is facilitated by the dominoes themselves.

“You slap dominoes down long enough, ideas jump up at you,” Fletcher said. “We’ve had some of our best brainstorms at the end of playing all day and half the night. Right before you pass out, things fall into place like, well, like dominoes.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Caribbean, Writing

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

May 8, 2015 · 7:25 am

Public Transport Comes To Blacktip Island

One of Blacktip Island’s new Sail-n-Rail carriages makes its way across the Caribbean island’s West Sound, bypassing the island’s overcrowded roadway.

One of Blacktip Island’s new Sail-n-Rail carriages makes its way across the Caribbean island’s West Sound, bypassing the island’s overcrowded roadway.

Blacktip Island’s commuters have a new transit option after the Department of Transportation launched its Sail-n-Rail network along the Caribbean island’s west coast Friday.

Dubbed the ‘Manta Rail’ by island residents, the system relies on ultra-light rail coupled with small sailing vessels to bypass the island’s crowded roadway.

“It’s this population boom that’s made it necessary,” island mayor Jack Cobia said. “We have over 100 people living here now, and every one of them has a car or a scooter or a bicycle.

“Our infrastructure’s just not built for that,” Cobia said. “There’s complete gridlock during the high travel periods.”

“That road’s a parking lot during morning and afternoon rush hours,” Department of Transportation director Dusty Rhodes said. “And every night after the bars close.

“Our solution was to run a Hobie on bamboo rails down to West Sound, where the boat pops loose and sails across the lagoon to a railhead on the other side,” Rhodes said. “It’s simple, locally sourced and energy efficient.”

Local reaction to the system has been positive.

“With gas as expensive as it is, this is a great way to lessen our carbon footprint,” divemaster Marina DeLow said. “It’s nice not to have to dig my scooter out of the bushes every Saturday morning after Karaoke Friday, too.”

Island emergency responders praised the new line’s public safety benefits.

“We don’t have the manpower to fish all these single-car wrecks out of the booby pond each morning,” Island Police Constable Rafe Marquette said. “And I can only write up so many DUIs. I’m running out of forms.”

The Department of Transportation’s Rhodes said late-night service was incorporated early in the planning stages.

“We can lay five, maybe six drunks side-by-side, depending on how big they are, and deliver them across the sound slick as snot. These boats damn-near sail themselves.”

The government is offsetting the system’s cost by incorporating snorkeling tours into the sailing portion of the route.

“We rigged the boats with lines off their sterns for snorkelers to hang onto,” Rhodes said. “They look at fish as they drift past, and we charge them for snorkeling.

“The trick’s getting folks to let go before the rail car clamps onto the hulls on the other side,” Rhodes said. “We had a couple of bad draggings, but we’re working out the kinks.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Caribbean

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

April 24, 2015 · 8:28 am

Coral Mummy Found on Blacktip Island Wall Dive

A preliminary scan of Wally the Coral Man, discovered by recreational divers on a Blacktip Island wall dive. (Photo courtesy of Utilisateur : 120)

A preliminary scan of Wally the Coral Man, discovered by recreational divers on a Blacktip Island wall dive. (Photo courtesy of Utilisateur : 120)

A group of Blacktip Island recreational scuba divers on the Caribbean island’s Alpine Wall Wednesday discovered the coral-encrusted remains of a diver who died there years ago in unusual circumstances.

Nicknamed “Wally,” after where he was found, the body was protected from decay by a fast-growing fire coral, leaving the remains in a mummified state, experts said.

Divers found the body face down, with a prominent spear wound in the back of his left shoulder. Other wounds on the body indicate he was involved in a physical altercation shortly before his death.

Island police were called, but quickly turned the remains over to the island’s scientific community.

“What we have is a diver who died suddenly, violently,” Tiperon University-Blacktip archeology professor Kraft Leakey said. “Initial radiocarbon tests date the remains to between 3,760 and 3940 BCE. If that date is correct, this could rewrite the history of scuba diving.

“Last year we discovered what appeared to be a Neocorallic Age scuba resort, but that theory was poo-pooed by archaeologists and scuba training agencies alike,” Leakey said. “This find, dating to the same period, gives that theory new legs, though.”

Other testing has provided clues to Wally’s final hours.

“Our scans show significant levels of nicotine and hot pepper residue on Wally’s skin, suggesting he visited a public house before his fatal dive,” TU-B pathologist Christina Mojarra said. “His stomach contents include charred meat, a fried starch and ethyl alcohol, all consumed an hour before his death.

“We surmise he was in an altercation at the pub and fled underwater in an unsuccessful attempt to escape his pursuers,” Mojarra said.

Island police agreed.

“This was definitely foul play,” Island Police Constable Rafe Marquette said. “You don’t just stab yourself in the back. That’s what friends are for. Especially on this island.

“He probably lost a bar bet and didn’t pay up,” Marquette said. “Or stole someone’s girlfriend. Some things on Blacktip never change.”

Island business entrepreneurs, meanwhile, are hoping the find will attract more tourists to the island.

“We’ve got blueprints for a Wally visitors center and museum,” Eagle Ray Cove resort owner Rich Skerritt said. “Once the pointy-headed geeks get through with him, we’ll put him and all his gear where everyone can see. For a fee.

“It’ll be a tasteful affair in keeping with Blacktip Island’s natural beauty,” Skerritt said. “We’re calling it the Wallyplex.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Caribbean, Scuba Diving

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

April 17, 2015 · 6:37 am

Blacktip Island Players to Stage Underwater “Winter’s Tale”

Cast members hit their marks while rehearsing for the Blacktip Island Community Players’ underwater production of “The Winter’s Tale.”

Cast members hit their marks while rehearsing for the Blacktip Island Community Players underwater production of “The Winter’s Tale.”

The Blacktip Island Community Players will stage an underwater version of Shakespeare’s ‘The Winter’s Tale’ for their spring production, with all dialogue performed with scuba hand signals.

“This play’s a spring classic,” said director Doris Blenny, “Plus, with so much of the play set on the Bohemian coast, and with scuba diving being so central to our island life, it seemed natural to cast it in an underwater milieu.”

The underwater production was inspired by the success of last fall’s semi-submerged ‘The Somonyng of Everyman.’

“This is the first Shakespearean production performed solely with scuba signs,” Blenny said. “‘As You like It’ was done in American Sign Language several years ago, and there was a mimed version of ‘Titus Andronicus,’ but we’re doing something quite different here.”

“We had to invent all kinds of new hand signals for Elizabethan words and phrases,” retired linguistics professor and cast member Frank Maples said. “‘Fardel,’ ‘bawcock,’ and ‘the verier wit’ were especially challenging.”

The cast includes

  • Frank Maples as Leontes
  • Kitty Smarr as Hermione
  • Jay Valve as Polixenes
  • Finn Kiick as Florizel
  • Polly Parrett as Perdita
  • Payne Hanover as Autolycus

Lee Helm is temporarily standing in as Antigonus after the company lost several actors in rehearsal mishaps.

“That ‘Exeunt, pursued by a shark,’ stage direction’s been phenomenal in walk throughs,” Payne Hanover said. “But it’s played hell with our Antigonuses. We’ve had to replace him three times. And counting.”

The play opens on Earth Day, April 22, with all proceeds from the first day’s show going to the Coral Reef Awareness and Preservation fund.

“Our staging emphasizes reef conservation,” Blenny said. “Two coral heads will serve as the backdrops for the Kingdoms of Sicily and Bohemia.

“We also have schools of French grunts and schoolmaster snappers trained to play the respective courts,” Blenny said. “Of course, the occasional snapper will nip an actor’s fingers, but a bit of blood’s necessary for any art.”

Limited kneeling space will be available in the sand around the underwater stage. Seating and a live video feed will be available at the Sand Spit bar. The bar will feature Sicilian wines and Bohemia-brand beer.

A ban on hand heckling from the underwater audience will be strictly enforced.

“Japes and cat-calling were a tradition at the original Globe Theatre,” Blenny said, “but we’ll have none of that here. Anyone gesticulating or making rude gestures will be escorted to the surface.”

2 Comments

Filed under Caribbean, Scuba Diving

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

April 10, 2015 · 10:02 am

Mutant Mosquitoes Overwhelm Blacktip Island

Muggensilhouet_2 (1)

Genetically-modified mosquitoes have created a public safety emergency on Blacktip Island. (photo by Vlieg)

 

In a case of pest control gone wrong, genetically-altered mosquitoes released on Blacktip Island to combat the native mosquito population have instead mutated into giant insects now threatening the island’s wellbeing.

“All the experts said this’d work,” Blacktip Island Public Safety chief Rocky Shore said. “All the run-throughs tested to specs. We sterilized the mosquitoes with radiation, then turned them loose to mate with the locals. Our mosquito numbers should’ve dropped 75-80 percent.

“Instead, they’re breeding like rabbits, and getting bigger each generation,” Shore said. “Gamma rays were the fly in the ointment. The lab folks saved money using gammas instead of the standard beta rays. We’re still tracking who signed off on that.”

The resulting mosquito swarms have island residents on edge.

“Some of these suckers are the size of peregrine falcons,” Eagle Ray Cove owner Rich Skerritt said. “And bright green. We’re telling our guests to not piss them off and to stay inside after dark.”

The plan’s critics were more vocal.

“We warned this could happen,” said Tiperon University-Blacktip entomology professor Belinda Graysby. “It’s classical biological pest control gone wonky. Like cane toads in Australia and mongooses in Hawaii, the solution’s worse than the original problem. This could make Blacktip uninhabitable. And yes, it’s ‘mongooses.’”

Others worry about the mosquitoes’ impact on island wildlife.

“These mossies’ve wiped out the island’s birds,” Blacktip Island Audubon Society president Sula Beakins said. “And the iguanas. They’ve moved on to feral cats, but what will they prey on once the cats are gone?”

Sports enthusiasts, meanwhile, have embraced the growing mosquito threat.

“We hang fresh steaks outside to draw ‘em in,” Blacktip Skeet Club president B.C. Flote said. “Then we break out the shotguns, and when the skeeters come over the tree line, we all open fire.

“We give the kids tennis rackets to swat any little ones that get through, too,” Flote said. “It’s good family fun, and it helps the community.”

Concerns remain, however, about how large the mosquitoes will grow and their impact on island businesses.

“Used to be, a light breeze’d keep the bugs down,” Eagle Ray Cove’s Skerritt said. “These things, though, they’ll fly in anything up to 20, 25 knots. They just about dragged off two guests yesterday. Small children, you understand, but the threat’s real. And growing.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Caribbean

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

April 3, 2015 · 7:06 am

Blacktip Island Hosts Annual Stupid Question Contest

The 2015 Stupid Guest Question Invitational winner will receive the coveted My Teeth Hurt Necklace of Shame as well as free drinks and diving.

The 2015 Stupid Guest Question Invitational winner will receive the coveted My Teeth Hurt Necklace of Shame as well as free drinks and diving.

Eagle Ray Cove resort will host Blacktip Island’s 13th annual Stupid Guest Question Invitational Saturday.

Contestants are nominated by Blacktip Island’s dive staffs based on the most cringe-worthy inquiries from scuba diving guests during the past year.

“People who say, ‘there’s no such thing as a stupid question’ have never worked a dive boat,” Eagle Ray Divers operations manager Ger Latner said. “Some of these people, I swear, they leave their brains at home when they come down here.”

“We get some doozies,” Club Scuba Doo dive manager Finn Kiick said. “We jot them down in a notebook, then when it’s nomination time, out comes the book and, voila, we have a field day.”

Contestants will dress in suitable scuba attire, stand on the stern of a dive boat tied to the Eagle Ray Divers dock, and repeat their question for a dockside audience. The winner will be chosen by audience reaction.

“It’s frightening, really,” Sandy Bottoms divemaster Lee Helm said. “I mean, these are doctors, attorneys, captains of industry. And these words actually come out their mouths.”

Last year’s top questions included:

  • “Does the island go all the way to the bottom?”
  • “Why’s the ocean taste salty?”
  • “How long does an hour massage last?”
  • “Do the small tanks hold less air than the big ones?”
  • “What does coconut rum taste like?”
  • “What island is this?”
  • “So, you’re saying it’s bad to go into decompression?”

The winner will be awarded the My Teeth Hurt Necklace of Shame and have his or her mouth duct taped shut for the remainder of the evening.

“We usually throw in drinks and some free diving for the winner, too,” Eagle Ray Divers’ Latner said. “But they’re not allowed to ask any more questions.”

The prizes have made the contest a guest favorite, with most competitors excited to be chosen.

“You have to realize all these questions, in context, seem quite reasonable at the time,” said 2014 Invitational champion Georgie Passaic, who won with, ‘Was that an eel or a lobster?’

“Hell, I ask my wife stupider questions than that every day,” Passaic said.

“You could’ve knocked me over with a feather when I got nominated,” 2015 contestant Suzy Souccup said. “Sure, it’s a little embarrassing, but maybe now I’ll finally get an answer to what you call those fish that fly.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Caribbean, Scuba Diving

Tagged as , , , , , ,

March 20, 2015 · 6:40 am

Protestors Disrupt Blacktip Island’s Spring Lionfish Hunt

One of the invasive Indo-Pacific lionfish run to ground in last spring’s Hunting of the Lionfish.

One of the invasive Indo-Pacific lionfish run to ground in last spring’s Hunting of the Lionfish.

Animal rights activists converged on Blacktip Island Friday to protest the Caribbean island’s traditional spring Hunting of the Lionfish.

“These yahoos have turned population control into a blood sport,” Blacktip Island People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals president Harry Pickett said. “Lionfish are part of the ecosystem now, like it or not, and these barbarians are inflicting unnecessary suffering for the sake of entertainment.”

Hunt organizers rushed to defend the Hunt as a means to combat the invasive red lionfish that have overwhelmed Blacktip Island’s reefs.

“It’s not barbaric, it’s pest control,” Hunt Master Jay Valve said. “Lionfish are vermin. If they eat all our reef fish, what happens to our tourism product?”

“The Hunt maximizes limited resources,” said Red Reynard, the Hunt’s Master of the Grouper. “There were too many lionfish and not enough divers, or bottom time, to keep them in check.

“We turned the tables by importing specially-trained English scent-groupers to chase them down,” Reynard said. “We loose the grouper, have our whippers-in shoo them in the right direction, and the hunters follow on underwater scooters, gigging any stripeys that go to ground.”

The use of grouper draws the most criticism.

“Proper wildlife management procedure is to simply spear the lionfish, one by one, not chase them across the reef and let big fish tear them to shreds,” PETA’s Pickett said.

Other opponents leveled harsher criticism.

“The Hunt is morally wrong,” Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Piscines member Edwin Chub said. “Lionfish have a right to life, just as any other fish. And these allegedly-trained grouper are indiscriminate. They kill parrotfish, squirrelfish, anything that doesn’t get out of their way fast enough.”

Island authorities are urging caution from protestors and hunters after an attempt to disrupt last year’s hunt went awry.

“The SPCP people dressed as lionfish, rubbed fish guts all over themselves, then scuba dived through the middle of the chase,” Island Police Constable Rafe Marquette said. “It was mayhem, with chunks of flesh and lionfish costume flying everywhere.

“The hunters made it worse, goading on the grouper with those underwater horns hooked up to power inflators.”

“We were lawfully monitoring the Hunt for animal cruelty,” Chub said. “Our attorneys are still pursuing aggravated assault charges.”

“Those fish hippies had it coming,” Reynard said, “but it was frightening to see what a pack of hunting grouper can do to an unsuspecting diver. The same will happen this year, too, if they vex us again.”

1 Comment

Filed under Caribbean, Scuba Diving

Tagged as , , , , , ,

March 16, 2015 · 2:28 pm

Blacktip Times Special Edition: Local Author Nominated For Literary Award

“Two and a Half Weeks” is a 2015 Readers’ Choice Awards finalist.

“Two and a Half Weeks” is a 2015 Readers’ Choice Awards finalist.

“Two and a Half Weeks,” a humorous short story by local author Tim W. Jackson, has been nominated in the Big Al’s Books and Pals 2015 Readers’ Choice Awards short story category.

Big Al’s Books and Pals is an independent online review site focusing on work produced by small and independent presses. Contest winners in 14 categories are determined by reader votes and will each receive a digital slap on the back and a PDF sticker to Photoshop onto their book’s cover.

“It feels slimy as hell, but, I’m asking you, the Blacktip Times readers, to go to Big Al’s website and vote for my story before March 28,” Jackson said. “And if it doesn’t make you feel slimy, it’d be great if you got your friends to vote, too. And your families. And any unusually-dexterous pets you might have. Or know about.”

If the story wins, Jackson has promised to dance the quadrille in a giant banana costume and post video on the Blacktip Times Online.

“No one wants to see it, but if that’s what it takes, I’m not above extortion,” Jackson said.

Contest voting runs March 14 – 28 at: Big Al’s Books and Pals Readers’ Choice Awards.

Originally published in The MacGuffin literary journal, “Two and a Half Weeks” is part of Jackson’s Tales From Blacktip Island short story collection.

Leave a comment

Filed under Caribbean, Writing

Tagged as , , , , ,

March 13, 2015 · 6:58 am

Public Works to Launch Shore Divers From Quarry

A sinkhole at Blacktip Island’s limestone quarry has been converted into a state of the art shore diving entry point.

A sinkhole at Blacktip Island’s limestone quarry has been converted into a state of the art shore diving entry point.

A setback at Blacktip Island’s limestone quarry has yielded unexpected benefits for scuba divers after a local entrepreneur converted a sinkhole into a shore diving entry site.

“That hole opened up when we were blasting,” said Department of Public Works chief Dusty Rhodes. “I mean, BOOM! And water spewed up like Old Faithful. Flooded the quarry. Sunk three gravel trucks.”

“Damned if we didn’t tap into a flue that runs out to the sea,” Rhodes said. “Whole site was a total write off until ol’ Doc Plank stepped in.”

“This limestone chute’s a stroke of luck,” Bamboo You dive equipment founder Piers ‘Doc’ Plank said. “Too often rough seas make beach entries and exits impossible for scuba divers. With this tunnel starting a quarter mile inland and coming out 40 feet deep on the wall, shore divers can get in and out safely 365 days a year.”

The tunnel was modified to further ensure diver safety.

“We’ve rigged a hydraulic piston to whoosh divers out the chute to eliminate the danger of a half-mile cave dive,” Plank said. “To bring divers back in, we just reverse the process.”

Island divemasters volunteered to test the launch and retrieval system.

“First time, I shot out like a torpedo,” divemaster Alison Diesel said. “Scared the bejesus out of a reef shark, and I’m still trying to get the inside of my wetsuit clean.”

“When they suck you back, you pop out that chute like a cork from a champagne bottle,” divemaster Gage Hoase said. “This morning Lee Helm did a double gainer before he dropped back in. It was beautiful to watch. From a distance.”

Bamboo You has produced a variety of chute-specific bamboo diving accessories including helmets, neck braces and body armor. They will also offer a cleaning service for soiled wetsuits.

Plank and Rhodes said divers who don’t wish to dive in the ocean are welcome.

“Most people learn to scuba in a quarry, then come dive in the warm Caribbean,” Plank said. “Well, here you can learn in the ocean, then dive in a quarry. For a fee, of course.”

“We’re stocking the place with carp and catfish,” Rhodes said. “And we got a line on an old school bus and a couple-three lawn mowers we’ll add to the sunken gravel trucks to enhance the quarry experience.”

Leave a comment

Filed under Caribbean, Scuba Diving

Tagged as , , , , , , ,