Tag Archives: Tim W. Jackson

Blacktip Island Handyman Builds Weather Modification Machine

weather mod machine

The heart of Blacktip Island inventor Antonio Fletcher’s Rainmaker-3000 weather modification engine, unveiled this week, designed to attract rain to the small Caribbean island. (photo courtesy of Isiwal)

A Blacktip Island jack-of-all-trades this week created a device he claims can change regional weather patterns to bring more rain to the island.

“Blacktip’s a small land mass, y’know. Don’t attract many rain clouds,” Antonio Fletcher said. “Now, with cisterns and water tanks running dry, we need rain more that ever. Me, I got tired of seeing them clouds passing us by, or raining out on the sea. So I built me a giant heater to raise temps over the island and pull moisture in from the air.

“The Rainmaker-3000’ll let us turn on the rain like we’re turning on a faucet,” Fletcher said. “We can fill our cisterns anytime we want, then turn it off and go back to a nice sunny day. I’m surprised nobody thought of it before.”

Some in the community questioned whether the device would work.

“‘Tonio’s sharp and all, and I don’t doubt his handiwork, but I’ll need to see this gizmo actually work before I believe it,” Lucille Ray said. “We’ve built bonfires before to try to build heat and attract rain, but it didn’t do a thing. Neither did catapulting salt and silver iodide into the sky. I want to believe, but I need proof.”

Others questioned the morality of using the device.

“My concern is how his machine will impact climate on a larger scale,” Tiperon University-Blacktip ethic professor Fanny Bottoms said. “There’s a limited amount of moisture in the atmosphere. If we attract rain here, will someone somewhere else go without? Would full cisterns on Blacktip mean a drought on Tiperon?

“And what if people on other islands start using devices like this,” Bottoms said. “It could start a Caribbean rain war. Potentially, we’d have a situation where rain clouds are zig-zagging from island to island, and dumping most of their rain in the sea.”

Island business leaders opposed Fletcher’s invention.

“Only way to create enough heat to form clouds is to pave over the island,” Blacktip Island Chamber of Commerce president Whitey Bottoms said. “We been saying that for years. And trying to get it done. The Granola-crunchers keep blocking us in court, though. This what’s-it of ‘Tonio’s is an obstacle to progress, plain and simple, if folks get caught up in the hype.”

Fletcher was unaffected by the criticism.

“Rain wars are just what we need,” he said. “Tiperon hogs all the rain right now. Time for them to feel the shoe on the other foot. And if anybody slaps together a competing Rainmaker, we’ll build a better one. Ain’t afraid to take on anybody head-to-head.

“Working on a anti-Rainmaker, too, to turn loose on anybody who messes with us,” Fletcher said. “Gonna see if it’ll work at killing hurricanes, too, which I reckon it will.”

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Sometimes you just have to go with the waves

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Blacktip Island Weather

sunday feb 27

Sunday, February 27, 2022

Temperature: 77

Humidity: 61%

Precipitation: Maybe later

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Feedbag Facemasks All The Rage On Blacktip Island

feedbag facemasks

KN95 mask wearers on Blacktip Island will now be able to snack while masked thanks to the Tail Spinner restaurant’s new Feedbag Facemask food inserts. (photo courtesy of Val Schrader)

In an effort to encourage anti-COVID facemask use, a Blacktip Island eatery has combined KN95 masks with snack-sized meal inserts to allow users to eat while wearing the masks, the restaurant’s owner announced Thursday.

“No one likes wearing a mask, but that’s the first line of defense against this virus,” Tail Spinner restaurant owner Val Schrader said. “With a little something to munch on inside, though, mask wearing can be downright enjoyable. I got the idea from a couple of roadside donkeys.

“The food pocket clips on the inside any KN95,” Schrader said. “We’re calling them Feedbag Facemasks, and can fill them with whatever food the customer wants, whether it’s from our menu or custom made. The most popular options are chips, nuts, fruit and candy. There’s also vegetarian and vegan offerings, and we can make snacks to accommodate any food allergies. Some things do work better than others, though. Split pea soup was a disaster.”

Customers raved about the masks.

“They do snack, breakfast, lunch and dinner masks,” Rocky Shore said. “I swap through them all day. And I don’t have folks reaching in, bogarting my chips. And the way I figure it, a facemask stuffed with food adds another layer of virus protection. I’m eating spaghetti right now. That sauce’s pretty dense, so I’m feeling strong.”

Some in the community worried about the masks’ overall practicality.

“I understand the food packs are modular and not part of the masks, but it’s still unhygienic,” island nurse Marissa Graysby said. “The bigger problem, though, is encasing your nose and mouth in foodstuffs. I’m treating three, four people a day for aspirating their snacks. And digging crumbs out of the nostrils of twice that many. More people are wearing masks, sure, but that’s creating a bigger health problem and straining our resources.”

Schrader said the masks’ success has encouraged her to experiment with other types of modifications.

“We made masks with little one-way sphincter ports so folks can squeeze a drinking straw through them,” she said. “We’re working on cocktail masks, too, so you can have a refreshing adult beverage while you work. Ideally, we’ll have mask pouches that let the user load them up with any hooch they want.”

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Checking Out The Manatees . . .

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Blacktip Island Weather

sunday feb 20

Sunday, February 19, 2022

Temperature: 79

Humidity 63%

Precipitation – “His gaze pierces cloud, shadow, earth, and flesh.”

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Blacktip Island Restaurant Serves Not-As-It-Seems Food

orzo it seems

A plate of eggplant Parmesan, and spaghetti with sauce, is anything but what it looks like at Blacktip Island’s newest restaurant, Orzo It Seems. (photo courtesy of Famartin)

A Blacktip Island eatery this week converted its menu to meals, sides and beverages disguised as unrelated Italian dishes as a way to attract jaded island diners, restaurant owners said.

“Folks are tired of the same old burger-and-fries offerings,” Orzo It Seems owner and chef Bill Fisch said. “Our customer numbers had dropped, so we had to do something and, frankly, there was nothing to lose. There’s no Italian restaurants on the island, so we revamped our menu to fill that niche. Then, to make things interesting, we used alternative ingredients to make sure everything tastes completely different from what it looks like.

“We rebranded as ‘Orzo It Seems,’ and so far, it’s been a rousing success,” Fisch said. “The aim’s to attract diners by making food an adventure again. Order the linguine, you get noodle-looking squid strips. That yummy-looking gelato? It’s really frozen oxtail puree. Folks love it! And it’s fun watching their reactions.”

Diners praised the concept.

“The menu’s like a box of those fancy chocolates—there’s no telling what you’ll end up with,” Peachy Bottoms said. “I ordered the mushroom risotto, and got riced conch topped with sea grapes. Everything they serve is actual food—it’s not like they’re serving dirt or bugs or palm fronds. Oh, and you want to think twice before you order the ‘chocolate surprise.’”

Other customers weren’t so complimentary.

“My veal piccata was vegan cheese, coated with crunched-up Fruit Loops,” George Graysby said. “And the ‘capers’ were really green peppercorns. I spit that crap right out. Then, when I tried to wash the taste away with my Chianti, I got a mouthful of sour beet juice. That and the plate of food went back to the kitchen. Through the pass. As hard as I could throw ‘em. Last time I’ll go to that damn place.”

Island business leaders are cautiously optimistic.

“We’re getting all sorts of calls about Orzo It Seems, so it’s getting tons of off-island buzz,” Blacktip Island Chamber of Commerce president Led Waite said. “If it gets people to visit Blacktip, that means more business for resorts and dive ops and gift shops, and that benefits everybody. Personally, I wouldn’t put anything they serve in my mouth, not for money or on a dare, but if it boosts the island economy, I’m behind it 100 percent.”

Fisch admits Orzo It Seems is not for everyone.

“We cater to a certain customer, one who likes to play with their food,” he said. “It’s something different. Lord knows this little rock needs that. And bottom line, we’re not forcing anyone to eat here. You don’t like our peaches, don’t shake our tree.”

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TGIW

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Blacktip Island Weather

sunday feb 13

Sunday, February 13, 2022
Temperature: 81
Humidity 64%
Precipitation – Seriously?

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Blacktip Island Resort Debuts Attitude Diving Course

attitude diver

A Club Scuba Doo diver openly mocks a young manta ray on Blacktip Island’s Jawfish Reef Wednesday as part of her Attitude Diving’specialty course certification. (photo courtesy of Steve Dunleavy)

Blacktip Island’s Club Scuba Doo dive resort this week launched a new Attitude Diving specialty course after a typographical error resulted in multiple angry divers in its dive shop, the resort’s dive manager said.

“We were trying to boost the specialty courses we offer, and figured we’d do an Altitude Diver class for a laugh,” CSD dive manager Finn Kiick said. “Problem was, we didn’t realize there was a typo. Not until a half-dozen a-holes with masks and fins showed up. We weren’t laughing then.

“When they found out there’d been a mix up, they got even more hacked off,” Kiick said. “They by-God wanted that class, and were gonna get it, come hell or high water. We had to make up lesson plans, pronto, before they all went aggro on us.”

Other instructors concurred.

“From the looks of things, a lot of them didn’t need the course,” CSD divemaster Christina Goby said. “Why take the course if you already have an attitude? And, really, ‘attitude’ is a pretty subjective term, with each person on their own sliding scale. But if they’re willing to part with money, we’ll teach ‘em to be pains on the reef and complain on the boat.”

Students say the course is a breath of fresh air.

“Everybody goes on about how relaxing diving is. That’s ‘cause they’ve made it so ‘kumbaya,’” Marlin White said. “We need to put the excitement back in scuba. Make it a sport again. That’s why I jumped at the chance to take this course. You gotta break some eggs to make an omelet, and I’m just the egg breaker for the job.

“They told me I was already aggravated!” White said. “What the hell kind of comment is that? I showed ‘em ‘aggravated, then made ‘em gimme the course to teach ‘em a lesson. If they drop me on a crap dive, I’ll tell ‘em it was a crap dive. And I’ll go as deep as I want for as long as I want.”

Other resorts were taking a different approach.

“Instead of teaching guests to dive with an attitude, we’re running a course that shows them how to ditch the attitude,” Blacktip Haven resort owner Elena Havens said. “The last thing we need is more divers with chips on their shoulders.

“We start with meditation sessions at the bar, then take them out to the reef to meditate while they Buddha hover over the coral. It calms even the stoutest curmudgeons. Well, that and the powdered Valium we slip in the water coolers.”

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