A Club Scuba Doo diver openly mocks a young manta ray on Blacktip Island’s Jawfish Reef Wednesday as part of her Attitude Diving’specialty course certification. (photo courtesy of Steve Dunleavy)
Blacktip Island’s Club Scuba Doo dive resort this week launched a new Attitude Diving specialty course after a typographical error resulted in multiple angry divers in its dive shop, the resort’s dive manager said.
“We were trying to boost the specialty courses we offer, and figured we’d do an Altitude Diver class for a laugh,” CSD dive manager Finn Kiick said. “Problem was, we didn’t realize there was a typo. Not until a half-dozen a-holes with masks and fins showed up. We weren’t laughing then.
“When they found out there’d been a mix up, they got even more hacked off,” Kiick said. “They by-God wanted that class, and were gonna get it, come hell or high water. We had to make up lesson plans, pronto, before they all went aggro on us.”
Other instructors concurred.
“From the looks of things, a lot of them didn’t need the course,” CSD divemaster Christina Goby said. “Why take the course if you already have an attitude? And, really, ‘attitude’ is a pretty subjective term, with each person on their own sliding scale. But if they’re willing to part with money, we’ll teach ‘em to be pains on the reef and complain on the boat.”
Students say the course is a breath of fresh air.
“Everybody goes on about how relaxing diving is. That’s ‘cause they’ve made it so ‘kumbaya,’” Marlin White said. “We need to put the excitement back in scuba. Make it a sport again. That’s why I jumped at the chance to take this course. You gotta break some eggs to make an omelet, and I’m just the egg breaker for the job.
“They told me I was already aggravated!” White said. “What the hell kind of comment is that? I showed ‘em ‘aggravated, then made ‘em gimme the course to teach ‘em a lesson. If they drop me on a crap dive, I’ll tell ‘em it was a crap dive. And I’ll go as deep as I want for as long as I want.”
Other resorts were taking a different approach.
“Instead of teaching guests to dive with an attitude, we’re running a course that shows them how to ditch the attitude,” Blacktip Haven resort owner Elena Havens said. “The last thing we need is more divers with chips on their shoulders.
“We start with meditation sessions at the bar, then take them out to the reef to meditate while they Buddha hover over the coral. It calms even the stoutest curmudgeons. Well, that and the powdered Valium we slip in the water coolers.”