Self-proclaimed Maoist guerillas have seized significant portions of Blacktip Island as of Friday morning, leaving destruction in their wake. (photo courtesy of Banswalhemant)
‘Stumbling Path’ Maoist guerrillas, intent on overthrowing Blacktip Island’s government, continued their advance on the small tropical island’s populous center Friday, with the stated intent of taking over all the island’s media outlets, island officials said.
“They came charging down off the southern bluff with no warning, hollering about little red books and revolution,” island mayor Jack Cobia said. “The only government we have here’s me and Constable Marquette, so I don’t really get it. Frankly, I think their real motive’s free beer.
“Booger Bottoms’s the main instigator, and he said flat-out he wants to grab all the media outlets to silence us and get his message out,” Cobia said. “They already took the radio and TV towers. We’re hoping the Blacktip Times can hold off long enough for reinforcements to get here from Tiperon.”
The insurgents have left a trail of destruction behind them.
“They’re cleaning out bars and liquor cabinets as they come,” Civil Defense Force leader Payne Hanover said. “We’ve got our local militia members, armed with sticks and beer bottles, on both rows to slow their advance. No idea how long we can keep them at bay. They’ve got us outnumbered, but we’re leaving booze behind as we retreat, hoping they’ll all pass out eventually.”
It is unclear how long the terrorists can be held at bay and the local media safeguarded. The Tiperon governor has promised addit