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‘Shroud of Booger’ Divides Blacktip Island’s Scientific, Religious Communities

shround of turin

A swath of fabric, showing the front and back of a bearded man, found in a cave high on Blacktip Island’s southern bluff, has sparked controversy on the small Caribbean island (photo courtesy of Sally Port / Tiperon University-Blacktip)

A pair of Blacktip Island residents exploring a cave on the small Caribbean island’s southern bluff Wednesday discovered a long piece of cloth bearing the faint front-and-back image of a bearded man, prompting some on the island to compare it to the famous Shroud of Turin.

“We were poking around in one of those high caves up the bluff face,” Hugh Calloway said. “At first, when we saw the cloth, we gave it a wide berth—no telling what had gone on in it, or when. Then Jessie noticed the face on it, so we took it outside for a better look.

“It looks like one of the Bottoms,” Calloway said. “Truth is, it’s a dead ringer for Booger Bottoms. We’re calling it the Shroud of Booger ‘til someone tells us otherwise.”

“People’s used those caves as shelter during hurricanes for centuries,” fellow explorer Jessie Catahoula said. “The way it was laid out in there, we reckon somebody died way back when, when people couldn’t dig a grave. And now, after all these years, the body either rotted away or animals ate it.”

Local scientists speculated about the shroud’s age.

“From the cloth thickness and weave, this could very well be from the early 1700s,” island historian Smithson Altschul said. “That would date it to the island’s earliest settlers. The height and facial hair suggest a seafaring individual. The trick now is to find out who it is. Was. Radio-carbon dating’ll tell us for sure.”

Others disagreed.

“That’s a modern sheet, from the 20th Century,” Sally Port, chair of the Tiperon University-Blacktip history department, said. “Got one just like on my bed, down to the Wal-Mart label. Still, we’re doing DNA testing of it and the island’s residents to see what the connection is.”

Some in the island’s religious community say the cloth should be enshrined.

“Too similar to the Turin shroud to be a coincidence,” Our Lady of Blacktip’s Father Audley Crossblesser said. “It’s not Jesus—we know where that one is. But this could well be the shroud of one of his Apostles. Ten are accounted for, but no one knows what happened to James the Lesser or Simon the Zealot. In running from the Romans, one of them could have sailed here. This is a holy relic and needs to be preserved in the church.”

Island authorities were skeptical.

“With those modern features and cloth, my guess is Booger Bottoms dried himself off up there and left the sheet behind,” Island Police Constable Rafe Marquette said. “Most likely he was down there poaching lobster—as he’s wont to do—he saw me coming and high tailed it to that cave to hide. That’s where I’m starting my investigation, anyway.

Bottoms could not be reached for comment. Eagle Ray Cove resort announced plans for an interactive Shroud museum to attract island visitors.

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