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New Blacktip Island Constable Fired For Enforcing Laws

new policeman

Tourists speeding on bicycles bore the brunt of the traffic citations issued by Blacktip Island’s short-tenured probationary police constable during the recent holiday weekend. (photo courtesy of draconiarain)

Blacktip Island’s newly-assigned police constable, who arrived Saturday to provide backup and relief for the island’s sole police officer, Rafe Marquette, was fired Sunday afternoon due to his issuing an excessive number of traffic citations.

“Probationary Island Police Constable B.H. Wrasse set the record for number of tickets written and shortest time on the job,” island mayor Jack Cobia said. “He came in gung-ho and wrote tickets for every minor infraction he saw. Seat belt violations. Failure to use turn signals. Public intoxication. Disorderly conduct.

“There’s no call for that sort of thing on Blacktip,” Cobia said. “He was ticketing tourists on resort bikes for topping 15 miles per hour. You get one of those bikes to go that fast, you deserve a medal, not a citation. He bit the hand that feeds us all.”

Other officials say Constable Wrasse’s firing was due to who he ticketed.

“Problem is, it was St. Dervil’s Day weekend,” Public Works chief Stoney MacAdam said. “The whole island was drunk, most of them were driving and we were all disorderly. I mean, it was St. Dervil’s Day.

“B.H. screwed the pooch when he ticketed four Bottoms, three Skerritts and a couple of other big wigs,” MacAdam said. “Skerritt and Skulkin’s the only law firm on the island, and he managed to ticket both Skerritt and Skulkin in less than an hour. Skerritt twice. Not a good career move.”

The fired constable was unapologetic.

“I’m sworn to uphold the laws,” P.I.P.C. Wrasse said. “All the laws. I don’t get to choose which ones get enforced.

“Seems Blacktip’s not a rule-of-law kind of place, though,” Wrasse said. “It’s not safe, and people are going to get hurt. But at least I’m reassigned to Tiperon. They enforce everything over there.”

P.I.P.C. Wrasse had no sympathy among residents.

“We barely need one cop, much less two,” Bartender Cori Anders said. “People sort things out on their own here. Now, Rafe Marquette can be handy when someone gets a snoot full and starts trouble at the bar, but that’s about it.

“Besides, drink driving’s standard on Blacktip,” Anders said. “There’s no taxis or buses, and everyone’s out partying. Someone has to drive home. So long as no one gets hurt, or breaks anything, it’s not a problem.”

Others concurred.

“Rafe’s family,” handyman Antonio Fletcher said. “Knows what needs to be enforced and what doesn’t. Keeps his nose out of peoples’ business.

“The new kid didn’t see how Blacktip’s not like other places,” Fletcher said. “Most seat belts are too rusted to latch. And we only have two roads. No need for turn signals. You’re either going this way or that way.”

Island Police Constable Rafe Marquette was not available for comment.

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