Tag Archives: blog fiction

February 14, 2014 · 5:35 am

Mersquatch Surfaces On Blacktip Island

The Blacktip Island mersquatch, photographed by island resident Molly Miller.

A photograph of Blacktip Island’s rumored mersquatch surfaced Thursday, confirming the existence of the legendary creature.

Island resident Molly Miller captured the image behind her house, where road crews have been clearing land.

“The dog was the first to notice it,” Miller said. “I was hanging laundry when Rufus started barking and carrying on. Then I caught a big, fishy smell, like a barra’ left in an ice chest overnight. And there he was at the edge of the trees, eyeballing me. I thought it was Jesse Conlee at first, but Jesse doesn’t smell like that.”

Miller said she ran inside for her camera and was able to take one photo before the creature disappeared.

“Soon as I made eye contact, he high-tailed it,” Miller said.

“It makes sense now, all the strange goings on. The howling. The rocks and sticks raining down on the house late nights. Things going missing: bread cooling on the sill, beer from the ‘fridge, my frilly yellow sundress.”

An aquatic relative of the more-famous sasquatch and yeti, the mersquatch has been rumored to live on Blacktip Island and the surrounding reefs, but there has been no proof until now.

“People are always seeing big, hairy creatures,” Island Police Constable Rafe Marquette said. “Usually Friday and Saturday nights, late, around the Sand Spit and Last Ballyhoo bars. But that could be anyone on the island. And underwater sightings by scuba divers, well, that’s textbook nitrogen narcosis.

“I wouldn’t call this photo proof positive, but the eyewitness testimony combined with the photographic evidence is certainly compelling. This isn’t some rum-soaked tourist reporting it. It’s a rum-soaked local. With a camera.”

Hair and algae samples from behind Miller’s house have been sent to the FBI forensics laboratory in Quantico, Va. for DNA testing.

The island’s academic community is excited about the photo as well.

“Blacktip has several known Denisovan sites,” Tiperon University at Blacktip anthropologist Nelson Pilchard said, referring to the Paleolithic hominid species recently discovered in Siberia’s Denisova Cave. “This could be the last living vestige of early proto-humans we thought long extinct, who’ve adapted to an aquatic environment.

“The bluff is riddled with caves leading to flooded sinkholes and on out to the sea. A mersquatch could come and go up there without anyone noticing.”

Authorities are urging caution from island residents and visitors.

“We don’t know what this creature was doing in plain sight, or how many more are out there,” IPC Marquette said. “If there’s a population, the cooler weather may be bringing them out. They may come into town looking for food. Or mates.”

“I’m keeping both eyes peeled, I can tell you that,” Miller said. “I got fresh bread and cold beer out back of my place. He was kind of cute, in a rugged sort of way.”

Island To Be Paved For Mosquito Control

Construction equipment stands ready to pave Blacktip Island.

Public health officials announced Thursday all of Blacktip Island will be paved to combat the growing mosquito menace threatening the small Caribbean island.

“The mosquitoes are out of control,” Tiperon Islands Public Health chief Ferris Skerritt said. “Residents are complaining. Resort guests are complaining. The potential for malaria, dengue fever, yellow fever, ugly red welts, it’s hurting tourism, and that’s the hand that feeds us all.

“Standing water’s the issue. That’s where they breed. Get rid of the water, you get rid of the mosquitoes. Problem’s always been getting to all the pools on the island, and keeping them drained. Covering the island completely in a protective sheath of asphalt and concrete will solve those problems.”

Not all island residents are happy with the decision.

“With no ponds, there’ll be no bird habitat,” longtime resident and Blacktip Audubon Society president Nelson Seagroves said. “That, by itself, will kill tourism. Birders flock to Blacktip this time of year for the flyway migrations. It’s a stopover point for birds going between North and South America.”

Other locals are concerned about the project impacting their more basic needs.

“We rely on groundwater for drinking, cleaning, everything,” said resident Hugh Calloway. “If the island’s paved, where will we get water to survive?”

Public Works spokesperson Stoney MacAdam allayed those concerns.

“We’ll be building a state-of-the-art water desalinization plant as part of this project,” MacAdam said. “There’ll be more water, cleaner water than ever before. Residents will be able to purchase as much as they need.

“As for the birds, they draw feral cats, another public health threat. Bird flu’s a concern as well. Also, these migratory birds are non-native. They can’t be allowed to slow progress in this country.”

The first area slated for paving is the nature preserve adjacent to Eagle Ray Cove.

“It’ll be unsightly for a while, sure,” Eagle Ray Cove owner Rich Skerritt said. “But we’ll pretty it up with a new block of rooms and a swimming pool to maximize our guests’ vacation experience.”

The contract for the project has been awarded to Skerritt Construction and MacAdam Paving, raising concerns about possible conflicts of interest. Both the Skerritts and MacAdam brushed aside those concerns.

“This is about public health. Period,” Ferris Skerritt said. “And the economy.”

“For the good of the community, Blacktip Island needs to be paved,” MacAdam said. “And I’m just the man to do it.”

“This isn’t over,” the Audubon Society’s Seagroves said. “We’re going to fight beak and claw. This one’s for the birds.”

Divemasters Prohibitive Underdogs in Fish Bowl

The Divemasters will battle the Anglers in Sunday’s Fish Bowl grudge match, coinciding with the American Super Bowl.

The Divemasters will battle the Anglers in Sunday’s Fish Bowl grudge match, coinciding with the Super Bowl.

Blacktip Island sports fans are primed for Sunday’s Fish Bowl, pitting island dive staff against local fishermen in a game of American football.

“It’s a long-standing feud,” Anglers captain Jack Cobia said. “Divers think fish are just something to look at. We fishermen actually do something useful with them. The fish, not the divemasters. There’s nothing useful you can do with a divemaster.”

As ever, the Divemasters are prohibitive underdogs, with the Anglers winning all 17 past meetings.

“We’d love to beat the fish killers, but we’ll consider it a moral victory if we can finish the game,” Divemasters’ coach Ger Latner said.

“It’s hard to find enough dive staff sober enough to stand, much less catch a football. Three of them broke their noses in practice just trying.”

The Divemasters outscored the Anglers in last year’s match, but were disqualified for using performance-enhancing substances when large amounts of Red Bull and Midol were found in their water cooler.

As ever, smoking will be permitted on both sidelines.

“The NFL has oxygen tents. We have smoking benches,” Cobia said. “Coolers of beer, too. It makes timeouts more productive. Plus, it’s the only way we can get enough players to turn out.”

The Anglers are expected to run their usual I-Formation offense, with a brutal running game setting up play-action passes.

The Divemasters will experiment with a 1930s-era single-wing attack.

“We call it the ‘Wing-And-A-Prayer,’” Latner said. “We can’t throw. We can’t catch. We can’t block. But we can run like hell. In short bursts, anyway. Especially when someone’s chasing us.”

“The game’s great fun,” Divemaster fan Alison Diesel said. “It’s like one of those old electric football games where you’d flip the switch and the field would vibrate and the players would bash into each other until you switched it off again.”

Mascots will be banned from the sidelines after last year’s towel fight between Fisherman Freddy and Ben the Grouper that spread into the stands.

“That was unfortunate,” Cobia said. “It detracted from the game. The attention should be on the on-field fistfights, not on a couple of costumed yahoos.”

“Ben won fair and square,” Latner said. “And our fans beat the hell out of theirs. This mascot banning nonsense is just a red herring.”

The unofficial over/under line on how many minutes of game time elapse before the first player passes out is 7 ½ minutes.

Blacktip Island To Break Free From Base

Winter waves threaten to break Blacktip Island from its base

Scientists Thursday confirmed Blacktip Island will soon break free of its deep-sea base following recent winter storms.

“A combination of ocean acidification and deep ocean waves have been gnawing away at the island for years,” Tiperon University at Blacktip marine geologist Ernesto Mojarra said. “This is soft limestone. It doesn’t hold up.

“The erosion’s most noticeable around the 100-foot depth. If you took a cross-section of the island all the way up from the sea floor, the exposed land would look like a lollipop on a needle-thin stick. It’s only a matter of time, a very short time, geologically speaking, before that sucker breaks off,” Mojarra said.

“What happens then is anyone’s guess. The island could sink, what, 6,000 feet straight down. Or, given that it’s porous limestone with lots of air pockets, it could very well float. There’s no precedent.”

Island residents have feared this prognosis for some time.

“The water level’s been rising for months, you know,” Doris Blenny said. “Now university tests proved it.

“We’re not a bunch of Chicken Littles yelling, ‘The sky is falling.’ Far from it. We’re yelling, ‘The island’s sinking.’ It’s different.”

Government plans to chain the island to its base proved impractical. Instead, authorities have stitched together a giant sail, to be raised on the cell tower at the island’s center, and are submerging a warehouse door to act as a rudder at the island’s northern tip.

Blenny and other residents are stuffing island sinkholes with Styrofoam and boat fenders to increase the island’s buoyancy.

And if the island sinks?

“We all have skiffs lashed to our roofs,” Blenny said. “We just climb up, cut ourselves free. I, myself, sleep in my skiff, machete in hand. Just in case.”

Meanwhile, island scuba operators have been taking advantage of the geological anomaly.

“Tourists ask all the time how deep you have to go to see under the island,” Eagle Ray Divers divemaster Gage Hoase said. “Now we can tell them. Ninety-three feet. Then we take them down and show them.”

“We’re selling Under-Island Diving specialty courses like crazy,” Club Scuba Doo dive operations manager Finn Kiick said. “This is the only place on Earth you can be certified to look at the bottom of an island. We charge accordingly, of course.”

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Filed under Caribbean, Scuba Diving, Writing

Tagged as Blacktip Island, blog fiction, Divemaster, Reef, Tim W. Jackson

January 17, 2014 · 5:22 am

Island Braces For Underwater Cage Chess Tourney

Blacktip Island’s Underwater Cage Chess Championship will be fought offshore from the Sand Spit bar.

Underwater chess aficionados are flooding Blacktip Island for Saturday’s Seventh Annual Underwater Cage Chess Championship.

“Blacktip’s one of the top producers of underwater chess grand masters,” said island native and event founder Rocky Shores. “It’s also home to some tough SOBs. Having the tournament here was a no brainer.”

The world’s top Underwater Cage Chess masters will compete this year, including defending champion Cassia Nimzovitch, Jacques ‘Boom-Boom’ Fisher, Sea Itch Anand and local favorite Shores. Competitors will square off in 30 feet of water offshore from the Sand Spit bar.

“Think of it as scuba diving meets mixed martial arts meets blitz chess,” tournament director Roy Lopez said. “It’s the ancient fight for survival in the primordial goo, with the winner crawling onto dry land victorious.

“Sure, you can say ‘knight takes pawn on E7,’ but in UCC, that knight’s in for a fight. In past tourneys we’ve seen well-trained pawns take down knights, rooks, even a queen,” Lopez said.

Divers playing the Sicilian dragon defense usually employ some variation of sea dragon kung fu. French defense aficionados often opt for subaqueous savate.

“Last year’s winner used a deadly combination of the Albin Counter Gambit and a bite to her opponent’s regulator hose,” Lopez said. “The action was so thick all you could see was a cloud of bubbles and the odd fin or bishop flashing free.”

“For training, I watch a lot of Aquaman cartoons,” said Shores, last year’s runner-up. “Old Sea Hunt episodes are good, too.”

“It’s not for the faint of heart,” Lopez added. “Some poor patzer last year opened with an old-school Giuoco Piano and a double-hose regulator. We hauled up what was left of him after six moves.”

Matches last until checkmate, resignation or one competitor runs out of air.

“If your tank runs dry, you forfeit as soon as you tap out or pass out,” Lopez said. “Stalemate’s rarely an option.”

All matches will be shown live at the Sand Spit on closed-circuit television. The tournament champion will receive the coveted Golden Queen Triggerfish Belt and a $50 gift certificate redeemable at the Sand Spit.

“It is wonderful to see the younger generation get involved,” defending champion Nimzovitch said. “End of the day, we do this for the kids. Diving just now, I saw two children trying to drown each other on their safety stop. It was heartwarming.”

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Filed under Caribbean, Scuba Diving, Writing

Tagged as Blacktip Island, blog fiction, chess, Tim W. Jackson