Arrow Polo Is Blacktip Island’s New Olympic Sport

archery meets water polo

Blacktip Island water polo players will face new challenges with the inclusion of shore-based archers in their matches. (photo courtesy of Vinny Abalone)

A group of Blacktip Island sports enthusiasts has combined elements of water polo and archery to create a new sport, which it hopes to introduce to the world in the 2024 Olympic Games in Paris.

“We were bored silly watching the Olympics and reckoned we could combine two of the dullest sports to create something actually worth watching,” Vinny Abalone said. “Arrows flying amongst the swimmers really gets the blood pumping. And flowing. We’re calling it ‘arrow polo,’ but we’re open to other suggestions.

“Basically, archers on land shoot arrows at the ball during water polo matches,” Abalone said. “The goal is to hit the ball as many times as possible. You get extra points if you shoot the ball whilst it’s in the air. You lose points if you hit a swimmer, though—it’s a sliding scale, ranging from minus one point for a pierced hand, to minus three for a torso hit, and minus five for a full-on head shot.”

Polo players say the sport presents new challenges.

“Before, the biggest danger was an opposing player dunking you. Now it’s being impaled,” Rosie Blenny said. “Straight away, we all grabbed helmets and body armor. It slows you down, but it also makes you a stronger swimmer. If you survive.

“We also banned broadhead arrows,” Blenny said. “Sure, they made things more exciting for the spectators, but it’s bad for the sport if you have players bleeding out in the pool. We also installed screens so the wind wouldn’t throw the arrows off by too much.”

Some in the community expect the sport to be short lived.

“It’s a Blacktip cliche: get bored, create a new activity, then everyone gets tired of it after a month or two,” Frank Maples said. “Long term, Vinny and his lot are angling for a free trip to Paris. More power to them, if they can stay focused for three years. And live through it. Stanger things have happened.”

Abalone said the group is refining the sport as they go.

“There was loads of blood in the water last practice, so we need to sort out how to factor that in,” he said. “We discussed using blunt-tipped arrows that wouldn’t puncture the balls or anyone’s skin, but that ran counter to the spirit of the sport.

“Instead, we decided to add sharks to the game,” he said. “It’s a small pool, so the thrashing should really add to the excitement.”

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Wednesday! Yay!

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Blacktip Island Weather

sunday aug 8

Sunday, August 8, 2021

Temperature: 83

Humidity 61%

Precipitation – Seriously?

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Blacktip Island ‘Dog Days Night’ Will Celebrate End Of Dog Days

End of dog days

Blacktip Island residents will celebrate the binary star Sirius leaving its conjunction with the Sun this weekend, marking the end of the so-called ‘dog-days of summer,’ when the celestial bodies are said to combine to cause extreme heat and extreme behavior. (photo courtesy of NASA, ESA and G. Bacon.)

Blacktip Island residents will celebrate the end of the ‘dog days’ of summer this weekend with the 23rd annual Dog Days Night celebration at the Sand Spit bar to mark the Sun and Sirius—the dog star—no longer being in conjunction, DDN organizers said.

“Technically, Sirius and the Sun are still in conjunction through Wednesday, but we’re celebrating Saturday and Sunday when most people can get time off, “Tiperon University-Blacktip astrology chair Rigel Estrella said. “Wives’ tale or no, Blacktippers worry the stars make them crazy. People are serious about Sirius here. We’re glad when those days behind us each year.

“Looney-wise, I’m not sure you can tell the difference between dog-day and non-dog-day behavior on Blacktip, but the party’s a tradition,” Estrella said. “Monday people can go back to what passes for normal on this little rock after they let off some steam.”

Residents agreed.

“Can’t wait for all the bad juju to blow away,” Catalina Luxfer said. “I figure if we party hard enough, it’ll chase all the negative vibes off. Everybody’s gonna dance on the beach ‘til they drop. All the island dogs’ll be there, too. All three of them.

“Folks tend to stay inside ‘til the dog days pass, so it’ll be good to see everyone out, and mix with them again,” Luxfer said. “Dog Days Night’s when folks really come out of their shells, and that’s saying a lot on Blacktip.”

Event organizers say the event will feature the usual dog-themed activities.

“We’ll have the Dog Show and Best Dog Tricks contest, as ever, with all contestants being people in dog costumes,” master of ceremonies Kay Valve said. “We’ll also have the ball-chasing contest, the stick tug-off and Frisbee toss out on the beach. After the sun drops, of course, so no one passes out in their costumes.

“The Sand Spit’ll be doing its usual meal service in dog bowls,” Valve said. “People love scarfing ground-up burgers and salads like it’s kibble. And slurping beer out of tin pans. It really brings the community together in a canine sort of way. And there will be fines for public urination and nipping at people’s ankles.”

Some residents say the celebration will be bittersweet.

“It’s great to have the hot, crazy days behind us, but it also means the heart of the hurricane season’s coming up,” B.C. Flote said. “Now folks’ll be glued to the interweb weather sites, watching for big storms and buying up cases of water. That’s another kind of craziness. Me, I’ll take the dog days any time.”

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Wednesday, at last:

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Blacktip Island Weather

sunday aug 1

Sunday, August 1, 2021

Temperature: 82

Humidity 65%

Precipitation – Not today

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Owner Refuses Lost Wedding Ring Found On Blacktip Island Reef

wedding ring

Goldie Goby’s wedding ring, recovered this week by a Blacktip Island scuba diver, rests at the Blacktip Island Interdenominational Church after Goby’s refusal to accept the ring’s return. (photo courtesy of Liesbeth Busman)

A Blacktip Island scuba diver who found a lost wedding ring on the Wahoo Reef dive site was stunned Tuesday when the ring’s owners refused to take it back.

“It was a classic scuba-treasure story—diver finds long lost wedding ring,” diver Barry Sennett said. “Only, when I tracked down the owner, Goldie wanted no part of it. Told me to throw it back. Then she took a swing at me.

“Selling it didn’t seem right, so I gave it to the pastor,” Sennett said. “He’s one who started this mess, marrying Goldie and Rusty when any damn fool knew it wouldn’t last.”

Goldie Goby said the ring was an unwelcome reminder of unhappy days.

“It brought back bad memories, for me and for Rusty,” she said. “When I came up from that dive last year and my ring was missing, we took it as a sign from God. And if God don’t want us together, who are we to argue?

“We been happily unmarried for the last 13 months,” Goby said. “Now folks think we’re hitched again? Uh-uh. God cast us asunder and Barry ain’t gonna stick us back together. I don’t even know how he found the damn ring, it was stuffed so far under that coral head.”

Rusty Goby agreed.

“Don’t know how the ring slipped off her finger, but it’s the best thing to ever happened to us,” he said. “We fought like cats and dogs the whole time we were together. The lost ring let us put all that behind us. And it was a whole lot cheaper than a divorce.

“God split us up,” Goby said. “We answer to a higher authority. Anybody comes near either one of us with that ring, they’ll get a punch in the face.”

Island religious leaders refuted the couple’s claim.

“They were never not-married,” the Rev. Pierre Grunt said. “It doesn’t work like that. If it did, folks’d be chucking their rings any old time they wanted. Rusty and Goldie just got separate places to live.

“Goldie ditched that ring, not God,” Grunt said. “The ring’s at the church ‘til things are resolved. And there’s the civil side of this to be addressed, too.”

Legal experts concurred.

“Legally, they’re as married as ever, but I can’t speak to this God business,” local attorney Ferris Skerritt said. “Religion-wise, I guess it’s a bit of a Schrödinger’s wedding ring situation—they’re married and not married at the same time.

“On the legal side, they’d need an affidavit stating, in God’s eyes, they’re no longer married,” Skerritt said. “Not a burning bush or anything, just an official note from Big Man, or His representative, to make it legal.”

Goldie Goby remained adamant.

“God don’t want us together. He already made that plain as day,” she said. “Ferris’s just throwing out weasel-words, and Rev. Grunt has a conflict of interest. Anybody hands me that ring, I’m chucking it so far into the sea even God won’t find it.”

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Yes! Made it to Wednesday.

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Blacktip Island Weather

sunday july 25

Sunday, July 25, 2021

Temperature: 84

Humidity 67%

Precipitation – None

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‘Leaves of Wrasse’ Poetry Festival Ignites Confrontations On Blacktip Island

Walt_Whitman_edit_2

The Blacktip Island Poetry Society’s choice of American poet Walt Whitman as the centerpiece of their annual summer poetry festival has drawn ire from the small Caribbean island’s artistic community. (BT file photo)

The Blacktip Island Poetry Society’s annual poetry festival this weekend, featuring the work of American Transcendentalist poet Walt Whitman, has sparked criticism among the small Caribbean island’s population.

“We wanted to feature a famous poet whose work is accessible,” BIPS president Edwin Chub said. “We’re trying to get out of the stale Dereck Walcott, Kamau Brathwaite, Wendy Guerra rut, and you don’t get more reader-friendly than Whitman. Plus, his poetry speaks to our island reality, despite him never having been here.

“‘Leaves of Wrasse’ perfectly encapsulates our community. Blacktippers are Transcendentalists at heart, whether they know it or not,” Chub said. “And criticism of his work being obscene and graphic and sensual? That’s just a standard, barbaric-yawp-filled Friday night at the Ballyhoo. I truly don’t see what all the hullaballoo’s about.”

Critics, however, questioned the BIPS’ choice of poets.

“Walt Whitman has sweet eff-all to do with anything on Blacktip Island,” local poet Chrissy Graysby said. “We should be boosting local, Caribbean poets, not fluffing some dead, white American dude from 200 years ago. We’re telling folks to stay away, and having our own local-poets-only open mic night up at the Tailspinner Saturday.

“I mean, it’s not like there’s a shortage of talented Caribbean writers,” Graysby said. “Why not introduce Blacktippers to artists like Nancy Morejón or Mahadai Das, who speak directly to the island experience? This Whitman crap is just more Colonialism being shoved down our throats by a self-styled cultural elite.”

Event organizers defended their decision.

“The lit fest should get people excited about poetry,” BIPS member Ginger Bass said. “We need a big name to generate that excitement. Last year, for the Aimé Césaire Fest, you could have shot a cannon through the Heritage House and not hit anyone. And ‘O Captain, My Captain’? This island’s loaded with boat captains. What’s more Blacktip than that?

“The Heritage House has a first edition Leaves of Grass. Well, first Tiperon edition, anyway,” Bass said. “All this talk of boycotts and protests, it’s pure selfishness. And if the prudes have issues with his personal . . . proclivities, well, rumor and innuendo notwithstanding, he and his contemporaries were just good friends.”

Some in the island’s poetry community plan to physically oppose the festival.

“Edwin and them think they’re gonna have some plantation-era, smut readings in public, they’re gonna get some Blacktip post-Colonialism upside the head,” sonnetist Whitey Bottoms said. “And we’ll burn the stage down if they try to go through with that ‘Thong of Myself’ wet t-shirt contest.  Or the ‘Urge and Urge and Urge’ poetry slam. We got torches primed, tar boiling and feathers ready.”

Authorities downplayed the chance of violence. “I’ve put all sides on notice that poetry-related mayhem won’t be tolerated,” Island Police Constable Rafe Marquette said. “Anyone caught committing violence during the festival will be locked in the jail cell and forced to listen to Ezra Pound’s Cantos, in its entirety,for the remainder of the weekend.”

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