Scroll Links Blacktip Settlers to Roanoke Island’s Lost Colony

Roanoke island

An artist’s rendition of the relief expedition reaching the abandoned ‘lost colony’ on Roanoke Island, N.C. in 1590. A recently-discovered scroll indicates the colonists relocated to Blacktip Island in the late 1580s. (illustration by Smithson Altschul)

A newly-discovered iguana-hide scroll, found while excavating the crypt of Blacktip Island’s original church, claims the tropical island’s original settlers were the remnants of the Lost Colony of Roanoke Island in North Carolina, which disappeared in 1590, island historians said Thursday.

“It’s one of the biggest mysteries in North American history,” Blacktip Island resident historian Smithson Altschul said. “John White founded the colony with 115 people, went back to England for supplies, and when he got back, the colony had vanished, including little Virginia Dare, the first English child born in North America.

“The only clue was ‘Croatoan’ scratched on a fence post,” Altschul said. “Leading theories are the colonists were killed by hostile natives, Spaniards or disease, but now we know the truth. This hide proves they came here. The scroll says food ran short and enemies were closing in, so they set sail in what boats they had. A hurricane blew them here. And most people don’t know it, but ‘Croatoan’ is actually the Middle English word for ‘Blacktip.’”

Many locals were not surprised by the discovery.

“Old timers always talked about their ancestors being English castaways way back when,” Antonio Fletcher said. “Most Blacktippers, we got that look about us. And there’s all the people on this island named Virginia. And Dare. And you think it’s coincidence the Ballyhoo’s run by ol’ Croatoan Bottoms?

“Found old pottery, too, around that crypt,” Fletcher said. “That seals the deal. No evidence up in North Carolina, ‘cause we got it all here, where they came to be safe from indians and Spaniards. Never took up with friendly natives on Hatteras. Settled here with friendly Blacktippers instead.”

Others questioned the findings.

“The only indication of the Roanoke settlers migrating to Blacktip is a single scroll of questionable provenance,” Tiperon Univesity-Blacktip archeology professor Lucille Ray said. “It’s on an old hide, yes, but the writing is in 20th-Century cursive. And the pottery looks more like broken flower pots. It’s an interesting story, but there’s no actual proof.

“It’s also a convenient coincidence that Smithson’s in the middle of raising money for museum improvements right now,” Ray said. “An announcement like this is exciting, sure, and it’ll also open a lot of wallets.”

Altschul denied the allegations.

“I’m a serious historian and would never perpetuate a hoax. Not like this,” he said. “This is the find of a lifetime. Lucille’s just jealous and trying to piss on my charcoal. This discovery is a proud day for all of Blacktip. We should be celebrating it together, not picking at each other.”

The manuscript will be on display at the Blacktip Island Heritage Museum for the next month, and available for public viewing for an addition $5 fee. ‘Croatoan’ mugs, caps and t-shirts will be available in the museum gift shop.

Leave a comment

Filed under best scuba diving novels, Caribbean, Scuba Diving

Wednesday again:

Leave a comment

Filed under best scuba diving novels, Caribbean, Scuba Diving

Blacktip Island Weather

sunday oct 3

Sunday, October 3, 2021

Temperature: 83

Humidity 61%

Precipitation – Could be

Leave a comment

Filed under best scuba diving novels, Caribbean, Scuba Diving

Blacktip Island Heritage Festival Set For This Weekend

heritage fest

Dominoes and drunk driving will highlight Blacktip Island’s inaugural culture and heritage festival this weekend. (photo courtesy of Jay Valve)

The inaugural Blacktip Island Culture and Heritage Festival is scheduled for various venues across the island this Saturday and Sunday to celebrate the small Caribbean island’s unique traditions, event organizers said.

“We thought it was high time someone shone a spotlight on how special this little island is,” Blacktip Island Culture Society president Doris Blenny said. “With tourism lagging, what better way to draw attention to us than a celebration of everything Blacktip’s about.

“We’re spreading events out over multiple sites and multiple days to give everyone a chance to attend,” Blenny said. “There’ll be things to see and do at the Heritage House, the public dock, multiple bars, and even the roadways. Both of them. We’ll also have the Blacktip Island Community Players performing flash-mob interpretive dances of everyday life. There’ll be something for everyone.”

Organizers stressed the variety of festival events.

“There’ll be domino competitions, of course,” BICS sergeant-at-arms Jay Valve said. “And fishing from the pier. There’s lots of contestants signed up for that. But we’ll also have a drinking booth on the dock, where the winner is the last one to fall into the sea, a making-up-gossip contest, and a poetry slam-style open mike where people can talk about all the things they plan to do but never get around to doing.

“The highlight’ll be the drunk driving demonstration, with points awarded for how far participants can drive without crashing into something, and how many beer bottles they can throw at people while driving,” Valve said. “Blacktip leads the world in single-vehicle accidents, so we’re embracing that. Everyone’s welcome. We’re hoping to get the kids involved in some of these activities, too. Except with the drinking. And drunk driving.”

Some residents questioned the need for the events.

“Blacktip Island culture and heritage is a bit of an oxymoron,” Helen Maples said. “It’s difficult to find either one here, frankly, unless you count arguing and fighting. And one can find that at any bar on a Saturday night. Truly, the most culture one will find on Blacktip is under Dermott Bottoms’ arm pits.”

Many, though, embraced the festival.

“Don’t know anything about culture, but it’s Blacktip. Folks’re always looking for something to do,” Reg Gurnard said. “Any excuse for a party, I suppose. That’s definitely island heritage.”

Leave a comment

Filed under best scuba diving novels, Caribbean, Scuba Diving

Wednesday! Yay!

Leave a comment

Filed under best scuba diving novels, Caribbean, Scuba Diving

Blacktip Island Weather

sept 26

Sunday, September 26, 2021

Temperature: 82

Humidity 60%

Precipitation – Not today, Satan

Leave a comment

Filed under best scuba diving novels, Caribbean, Scuba Diving

Online Mystery Reviewer Hounds Blacktip Island Store

mystery shopper

An unknown shopper at Peachy Bottoms’ Groceries and Sundries has been posting mysterious online reviews of the store’s good and services. (photo courtesy of Wolfgang Sauber)

An unknown Blacktip Island shopper this week began posting online reviews about the island’s sole grocery/hardware store’s goods and services, causing both consternation and mirth among the small Caribbean island’s residents.

“It started with a flyer at the post office listing a website,” Lee Helm said. “The site has humorous bits about prices being astronomical and the quality being crap. Things we all say, but funnier. And now that word out, everybody’s reading it.

“The line about the vegetables being brown and the meat being green made me spit coffee across the table,” Helm said. “Whoever’s doing it, they’ve got the store pegged. And Peachy’s none too pleased.”

The reviews have angered the store’s owner.

“Normally, it’d be a case of ‘just spell my name right,’” Peachy Bottoms said. “Constructive feedback’s welcome. But that damn site’s just making customers complain more, nonstop. And sales are down, so it’s had that effect, too.

“But it’s the insults that really get me,” she said. “‘The prices are high, and so is Peachy if she thinks I’ll pay that?’ There’s no need to get personal. And if they do, say it to my face like everybody else. I’m keeping a notebook of who buys what, and who looks at what, so I can narrow down the suspects. And ban ‘em from the store.”

Residents noted not all the reviews were negative.

“Yesterday there was a nice comment about how well a store-bought spatula worked,” Corrie Anders said. “And even when the reviews are critical, they’re still helpful. It’s good to know when the bread’s moldy or there’s no 10-penny nails left.”

Others praised the site’s humor.

“Prices are high, sure. That’s island living, y’know,” Linford Blenny said. “Them reviews are funny, even when you don’t agree. Peachy, she got to lighten up, share the laugh. Won’t lose business long. I mean, where else you gonna shop?”

Many on the island are speculating who the author might be.

“At first it looked like it might be Dermott Bottoms, pranking his cousin,” Marissa Graysby said. “But then folks realized Dermott can’t even turn on a computer, or spell ‘cat’ if you spotted him the ‘c’ and ‘a.’ Personally, I think this has Payne Hanover written all over it. It’s his kind of gag, and he definitely has the time, and know-how, do pull something like this off.”

Hanover would neither confirm nor deny the accusations.

Leave a comment

Filed under best scuba diving novels, Caribbean, Scuba Diving

Yep. It’s that day again.

Leave a comment

Filed under best scuba diving novels, Caribbean, Scuba Diving

Blacktip Island Weather

Sunday, September 19, 2021
Temperature: 86
Humidity 61%
Precipitation – On the way

Leave a comment

Filed under best scuba diving novels, Caribbean, Scuba Diving

Blacktip Island Entrepreneur Touts New Seasickness Remedy

cure for motion sickness

Raw ginger root is at the heart of the new anti-seasickness treatment developed by a Blacktip Island scuba outfitter. (photo courtesy of Piers ‘Doc’ Plank)

A Blacktip Island business owner this week unveiled what he claims is a new cure for seasickness, dubbed the Barf Stopper, promising nausea relief for the island’s scuba divers and boaters.

“Ginger taken orally’s been known as a motion-sickness cure for years,” Bamboo You scuba outfitter owner Piers ‘Doc’ Plank said. “The Barf Stopper makes raw ginger as effective as possible. The key is fresh ginger root, soaked in a proprietary anti-nausea tonic, and administered as a suppository.

“In our trials, the effects of one bit of ginger lasted all day,” Plank said. “We had three months of rough weather to test it out, too, with a control group getting baby carrots. It’s drastic, but damned effective. And truly a game changer for a lot of boaters out there.”

Volunteer testers backed Plank’s claims.

“I used to get sick as a dog as soon as the boat got through the cut,” Edwin Chub said. “Now, with Doc’s new treatment, I haven’t gotten even the slightest bit queasy in the last two weeks, and we were diving in six-foot waves.

“It stings a bit at first, but it works,” Chub said. “I don’t know if it’s the ginger, or what they soak it in, but either way, it’s a miracle. And it sure doesn’t make me groggy. The only thing that made me wonder was some of the volunteers were a little too eager to try it.”

Some in the diving community questioned the treatment.

“What Doc’s doing isn’t prevention, it’s perversion,” Bill Fish said. “Of course people’re not getting sick—they’re too busy worrying about the root Doc stuffed up their rectums. And some of his test subjects are folks who never get seasick. But there’s ol’ Doc charging top dollar for his snake-oil remedy. There’s plenty of proven, over-the-counter cures out there. Why not just use one of them?”

Other divers agreed.

“I don’t care how effective this new method’s supposed to be, I’m sticking with my Dramamine. Taken orally,” Olive Beaugregory said. “Or just not going out on rough days. I mean, seasickness is bad, but Doc’s cure sounds worse than the ailment.”

Others embraced the new treatment.

“In rough weather on a rocking boat, it’s any port in the storm,” Joey Pompano said. “I’ll take my pills and chew the gum, as usual, but I’ll also put ginger wherever Doc tells me to put it. You can’t be too careful.”

Barf Stoppers are manufactured fresh daily and available exclusively at the Bamboo You boutique and can be staff- or self-administered.

Leave a comment

Filed under best scuba diving novels, Caribbean, Scuba Diving