Blacktip Island Judge Codifies Right To Be Rude

right to be rude

Blacktip Island judge Harry Bottoms approved a new law protecting residents right to be rude to each other. (photo illustration courtesy of Blogtrepreneur)

A Blacktip Island magistrate Thursday approved controversial legislation guaranteeing island residents the right to be publicly rude to each other, making certain minor public disturbances legal.

“It’s about time this passed,” Alison Diesel said. “Friday, Saturday nights, any little comment’ll set somebody off, then Rafe Marquette has to haul them to jail for some rando verbal dust-up. Same at the store, when folks get banned for complaining about the prices. Now, we can bitch about all kinds of little things with no legal blow back.

“Blacktippers have a natural flair for rudeness, and punishing us for that wasn’t right,” Diesel said. “It also covers folks’ rights to be rude right back, so it’s a cool two-edged sword. Lets people bicker and snark and be a-holes and go about their business.”

Island authorities praised the ruling.

“There’s been times, trying to keep the peace, I’d run out of jail space,” Island Police Constable Rafe Marquette said. “Only got the one cell, you know, so it fills up fast. People used to be charged with starting trouble, but now that’s done with. This lets me concentrate on physical altercations and ignore the yelling matches.”

Others were more cautious.

“Big worry’s people may take advantage of the new law,” de facto island mayor Jack Cobia said. “Locals going out of their way to be rude, well, that could chase away tourists, and then where’d we be? All out of work, that’s where. At minimum, there needs to be a stipulation you can’t be rude to tourists. Harry’s a dumbass for passing this law.”

Island judge Harry Bottoms disagreed.

“Jack’s a dumbass for making that statement,” he said. “But then, that’s always been his stock-in-trade. This law’s is based on the strong precedents set in Chromis v. Ray and Damsel v. Goby. It frees up vital community resources and puts responsibility on the individual. Folks that don’t like it need to toughen up, grow a thicker skin.

“Also, the law does not protect the consequences of being rude,” Bottoms said. “Anything that goes beyond verbal fireworks’ll still be prosecuted vigorously. This has been a long time in coming.”

Mayor Cobia plans to appeal the decision. Bottoms, the only judge on the small Caribbean island, has promised to ignore the appeal.

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