Slackers of all descriptions will be able to relax outside the new Lame Excuse Hall of Fame, scheduled to open this Sunday afternoon. Unless something comes up. (photo courtesy of Jack Wrasse)
Blacktip Island will become home to the Lame Excuse Hall of Fame this Sunday afternoon, when officials from the International Slackers Society hope to officially cut the ribbon for the facility in the small Caribbean island’s downtown district.
“The Hall of Fame’s been on the table for a while, but something always came up,” ISS president Gerry Goldbrik said. “It’s finally going to happen, though. And we’re doing the opening Sunday afternoon so folks can’t use church or being hung over as their excuse not to attend.
“Blacktip Island is really a natural for this,” Goldbrik said. “If there’s a geographic, philosophic, Gestalten heart of half-assed excuses, Blacktip’s it. People here’ll come up with four, five bogus cop outs before breakfast. Slacking’s a sport on this little rock.”
Officials noted several island residents are eligible for inclusion.
“Lee Helm, he’s a shoo-in,” ISS chapter secretary Jack Wrasse said. “I don’t think anything comes out of his mouth has ever not been an excuse. James Conlee’ll get consideration. And Alison Diesel can come up with some real doozies, too.”
Officials were noncommittal on the ceremony’s details.
“The Hall’s gonna be in the empty room next to Peachy Bottoms’ store, so we’ll probably cut the ribbon right outside,” Chrissy Graysby said. “After that there’ll be a speech of some sort, or an excuse for why there isn’t one. Inside’ll be framed photos of famous excuse makers, and brass plaques underneath with the award-winning excuses engraved on them. We hope.
“Then this year’s inductees will draw random tasks from a hat and immediately make excuses for why they can’t be done” Grasby said. “The winner’ll get a trophy. Maybe. Frankly, we’re just hoping the ceremony happens and the place actually opens. We’ve seen this kind of thing fail all too often.”
Island residents were skeptical about the event.
“This is Blacktip. It’s just another thing that’ll never happen,” Marina DeLow said. “Like Gage Hoase training for the Boston Marathon. Or Booger Bottoms taking people out to Ale Key bank for diving. And even if the place does open, folks’ll find excuses never to visit.”
The ceremony will be open to the public. Admission fees will be donated to an as-yet-undecided charity.