Blacktip Island Gets Travel Ban From U.S., U.K.


Blacktip Island officials hope the sun won’t set on the small Caribbean island’s tourism industry after multiple nations issued a travel warning advising their citizens not to visit the secluded vacation mecca.

Blacktip Island officials hope the sun won’t set on the small Caribbean island’s tourism industry after multiple nations issued a travel warning advising their citizens not to travel to the secluded vacation mecca.

At the urging of the International Psychiatric Association, the United States, United Kingdom and European Union Friday issued a travel warning for citizens visiting Blacktip Island.

“We’ve had a travel alert in place for a while, but after the I.P.A.’s report we kicked it up to a warning,” U.S. State Department spokesperson Roosevelt Franklin said. “People on that island are just not right. They’ve been isolated too long.

“The report says the mental instability can be passed person-to-person, and we’re studying other possible vectors,” Washington said. “The concern is a mental-health pandemic – tourists traveling there, contracting bat-shit, then transporting it back home.”

Island residents downplayed the warning.

“The hullaballoo got started with that You Tube video of the naked conga line at Eagle Ray Cove – spontaneous, mind you, and started by a U.S. State Department retiree,” Blacktip Island Chamber of Commerce president Reg Gurnard said. “Then James Conlee planted himself at the airstrip in that home-made flower pot of his and tried to use ESP to get tourists to water him. Mostly, he just scared people with the faces he made.

“The capper was Dermott Bottoms literally howling at the moon from the Sandy Bottoms Beach Resort roof at three in the morning,” Gurnard said. “It would’ve been laughed off if he hadn’t peed on all the departing guests’ luggage the next morning. No quicker way to piss off a visiting shrink than that.”

The governments also issued a travel ban on Blacktip residents wanting to visit their countries.

“Blacktippers are bonkers,” Franklin said. “The study says anyone who’s lived on that island for more than 3.57 years could pose a real threat to our citizens. We’re not about to import that.”

Blacktip residents refuted the report.

“That’s just their opinion, you know,” said Blacktip Island native James Conlee. “From a bunch of black thumbs who can’t be trusted to water their flowers properly. You ask me, I think we should ban them.”

The official response was more muted.

“Obviously, we can’t ban tourists from an island devoted to tourism,” Blacktip Island mayor Jack Cobia said. “Not even the New Yorkers. But we’re being unfairly singled out. Folks on Grand Turk are completely deranged, but no one says ‘boo’ about them.

“We’ve lodged official protest with the U.S. and U.K. ambassadors,” Cobia said. “Or we will as soon as they answer our calls and emails and thought waves. I can assure you of that.”

Other residents were not bothered by the warning.

“It’s Blacktip. This’ll pass,” said Sandy Bottoms Beach Resort manager Kay Valve. “Meantime, it draws more attention to us and attracts adventure-seeking guests.

“Every resort on the island is chock-a-block full because of that report,” Valve said. “Just spell ‘Blacktip Island’ right, you know?”

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