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January 24, 2025 · 8:00 am

Blacktip Island To Celebrate Mosquito Day Saturday

Blacktip Island residents will embrace their native mosquitos Saturday at the Caribbean island’s inaugural Mosquito Days festival. (photo courtesy of Muhammed Mahdi Karim)

Blacktip Island officials announced this week the inaugural Blacktip Mosquito Day festival will begin at dawn Saturday to celebrate the insects’ prominent place in the small Caribbean community.

“With the rainy season on us, and the mosquito population booming, we decided if we can’t beat ‘em, we might as well celebrate ‘em,” de facto island mayor Jack Cobia said. “They’re an integral part of life here, after all, no matter how bothersome they are. There’s a few residents I could say the same about, frankly.

“The idea’s to make the best of things and keep everyone’s spirits up,” Cobia said. “We’re trying to promote mosquito awareness in a good way. Getting people using bug spray and wearing long sleeves. Best way to do that’s to get ‘em good and welted up all over.”

Many locals were looking forward to the festivities.

“The mosquito gathering contest’ll be the highlight for me,” Catalina Luxfer said. “There’s prizes for the most caught and the biggest, and I’m prepped for both. “There’s mozzies on this island the size of your thumb. And they’ll carry you back in the bush where the big ones can get you.”

Health officials, however, questioned the event’s appropriateness.

“This is the height of insanity,” island nurse Marissa Graysby said. “With the cases of dengue and zika viruses in the region, it creates a potential public health disaster. We tried to shut the festival down, but word spread too quickly and now all the island’s looking forward to it.

“One of the worst things people can do in the tropics is get mosquito bit,” Graysby said. “What the hell are Jack and them thinking? They’ve heard of malaria, right? And I’m down to one tube of hydrocortisone.”

Local environmentalists embraced the festival.

“These creatures are apex parasites, and should be admired,” island ecologist Lefty Wright said. “They’re absolutely magnificent. How could anyone think of wanting to kill them. It’s right that the island’s population will embrace them.

“And as for worries about disease control, there’ll be free insect repellent, and DEET spraying from the misters the resorts use to keep guests cool,” Wright said. “You’ll have to make sure you cover your drink. And any food you have. But if no one gets bit, you can’t argue with success.”

The festival will also feature a mosquito costume contest, a naked ‘running of the ‘skeeters’ past the island’s main resorts, mosquito-themed food and drink, plus music by local bands Effing Zeagles, The Social Morays and Gaslighting Shitweasels.

“We expect folks to continue drinking on into the night,” Cobia said. “Mainly to dull the pain of itching.”

Underwater Cycle Paths Planned For Blacktip Island

Blacktip Island cycle enthusiasts Gage Hoase and Coryl Bleeching demonstrate their underwater cycling technique off the Diddley’s Landing public pier Thursday. (photo courtesy of Gage Hoase)

A group of Blacktip Island bicycling enthusiasts announced Wednesday plans for constructing submerged cycle paths around the small Caribbean island’s reefs to further promote both scuba diving and cycling.

“Biking’s popular. So’s scuba,” Gage Hoase said. “And Blacktip’s a dream destination for both. We’re just combining them. It’s stunning no one thought of this before. People are always talking about riding bikes underwater at happy hour, but, like everything else on this little rock, no one actually does anything.

“We’ve already done test rides on the sand off Diddley’s Landing public pier,” Hoase said. “It’s easier than you’d think, and is great aerobic exercise. Plus, if you fall, you don’t have to worry about getting hurt.”

Local cyclists praised the care taken to protect the reefs.

“They’re carving the main trail across the shallow hardpan to lessen environmental damage,” Coryl Bleeching said. “Not only does that spare the coral that grows deeper, but it also reduces the danger of getting the decompression sickness from cycling too deep.

“Eventually they’ll cut a series of side paths, too, so the trail doesn’t get too crowded,” Bleeching said. “We’re also looking at running underwater bike tours, for visitors who’re more comfortable with structured rides. And once the main trail all the way around the island, we’ll launch the inaugural Tour de Blacktip around the 27-mile circumference.”

Environmental activists decried the plan.

“These idiots are destroying fragile ecosystems with this random dumbassery,” Harry Pickett said. “Yahoos riding roughshod over marine life in the shallows is the same as killing the coral they claim to love. And what of the grease and oil from the bikes harming fish and coral?

“The more obvious problem people are ignoring is what’s the life expectancy of a metal bike in sea water?” Pickett said. “And people already don’t return the bikes they borrow from resorts. What will happen to all those rusty frames? There’ll be more trashed bikes on the reef than coral inside a month.”

Marine Parks officials have rejected the proposed trails.

“Clear cutting pathways through the marine park isn’t going to happen,” Marine Parks spokesperson Val Schrader said. “This may sound like a great idea at the bar, but it’s a blatant violation of the law. Anyone attempting to create bike paths in the park will be prosecuted. Just like the idiots who were cycling off the public pier.”

Hoase vowed the project would go forward.

“This is a sure-fire thing that stands to make lots of folks lots of cash,” he said. “There’s people in the government behind it who aren’t gonna let some outdated rules get in the way. And my conviction’s being appealed.”