Sunday, October 22, 2023
Temperature: 90
Humidity: 72%
Precipitation: Incoming
Tag Archives: Tim W. Jackson
Sinking Blacktip Island Has Residents On Alert
Rising waters on Blacktip Island have many residents worried the island is sinking due to the weight of new construction. (photo courtesy of James Mann)
Blacktip Island officials, alarmed at island-wide flooding this week, warned residents the small Caribbean island may be sinking due to increased construction.
“The island can only support so much weight without sinking,” Public Works chief Stoney Macadam said. “It’s a small island, with a small base that’ll only support so much weight. We already passed balanced-building regulations to ensure if something gets built on one side of the island, an equal something gets built on the other side to keep us from tipping over, but we didn’t factor in overall island-wide load capacity.
“We also didn’t factor in the weight of island visitors and their luggage,” Macadam said. “Our record tourism numbers this year are great, but they come at a price. Plus, most of our guests are healthy eaters, so the weight-per-tourist ratio is spiking, too. And this is right before our busy holiday season.”
Some locals blame tourism in general.
“Never had this problem before they started building all these resorts,” Fanny Basslet said. “Lots of concrete goes into hotels and swimming pools and such. Sandy Bottoms’ big-ass resort by itself probly sunk the island a couple inches. We warned folks about this, but they were too greedy. Now here we are.
“Land crabs are swarming, too. That’s a big sign something’s up,” Basslet said. “You look on the Mayan calendar, it’s got a panel about just this, but people don’t want to believe. Overloading our environment, and now we’re paying the price. Flooded roads and ponds’re just the start.”
Others scoffed at the idea.
“This is more of Stoney’s attention grabbing,” Tiperon University-Blacktip geology professor Leigh Shore said. “Water’s high, and roads are flooding, because of all the tropical storms. The ponds always fill up this time of year. I’d love for Stoney, or anyone, really, to explain, geologically, how the island could sink. Using examples and as much specificity as possible. This is self-imposed ignorance.”
The announcement has also sparked an island-wide surge in boat sales.
“Anybody didn’t have a boat, they got one now,” Peachy Bottoms said. “Most’re strapping ‘em to the roofs of their houses, so they’re ready to go if Blacktip sinks in a hurry. Got mine rigged up like that, packed with all my stuff. And I’m sleeping in it. Soon’s the water hits the top of my roof, I just cut the straps and away I’ll go.”
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Blacktip Island Weather
Sunday, October 15, 2023
Temperature: 92
Humidity: 74%
Precipitation: 50/50
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Drunk Drivers Enlisted In Blacktip Island’s Anti-Litter Campaign
Piles of empty beer bottles along Blacktip Island’s roadways sparked an island-wide anti-litter effort aimed at residents drinking while driving. (photo courtesy of Hwuongkom Yueiompua)
A marked increase in empty beer bottles along Blacktip Island’s roadways this week prompted island officials to launch an island-wide anti-littering program focused on the small Caribbean island’s drinking drivers to safeguard its tourism industry.
“Overnight the roadside beer bottle numbers have just exploded,” Chamber of Commerce Harry ‘Scratcher’ Wrasse said. “There’s always empties along the road, but this is out of hand. Island visitors are noticing, and commenting. Some have threatened not to come back because of it.
“We pitch Blacktip as a green, eco-friendly vacation destination,” Wrasse said. “Masses of empty beer bottles undercut that. We have roadside cleanup events, but we can’t keep up with it. I don’t know what’s causing it, but it has to stop.”
Island authorities have asked for locals’ help.
“We’re asking motorists to please keep their empties inside their cars until a suitable receptacle can be found,” Island Police Constable Rafe Marquette said. “We’re also asking island bars to not let patrons leave with open containers of any kind. Drunk driving’s a sport on this little rock, and there’s no practical way to stop it, but it shouldn’t be so messy.
“We hope residents will comply, and have been clear on what the next steps will be if they don’t,” Marquette said. “If folks won’t self-police, we’ll break out the roadblocks and breathalyzer tests. I don’t want to arrest half the island—we only have two cells in the jail, and if folks back me into a corner, I’ll be shipping them off to Tiperon.”
Environmental activists say the problem goes beyond esthetics.
“The bigger issue with all these glass bottles is they destroy wildlife habitat,” Greenpeace president Harry Pickett said. “The land crabs and iguanas can crawl over them just fine, but the hermit crabs are trapped on the roadways. They can’t get to food or water, then cars run them over. And some of the bigger ones are using empty beer bottles as makeshift shells.
“We’ve started nighttime patrols and stakeouts in problem areas to identify the miscreants,” Pickett said. “We’ll be naming and shaming whenever we make an ID. If shaming’s even possible on Blacktip.”
Other locals said the measures go too far.
“Got no right to tell us where to put our dead soldiers,” Dermott Bottoms said. “Been chuckin’ ‘em out the windows for generations. Don’t want that rattlin’ ‘round in the car. Part of island life. And island ecology, too. Only problem comes when somebody forgets to roll down their window, like James Conlee did last week.
“Tourists don’t like seein’ ‘em, they can go pick ‘em up,” Bottoms said. “Give ‘em another fun vacation activity, since they complain there’s nothing to do on Blacktip. Make a weekly contest of it, with free beer for the winner.”
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Friends And Neighbors, It’s Wednesday:
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Blacktip Island Weather
Sunday, October 7, 2023
Temperature: 93
Humidity: 76%
Precipitation: Not today
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Blacktip Island Reefs Overwhelmed By Anemone Lickers
Blacktip Island’s reefs have become a hot spot for scuba divers licking sea anemones for their hallucinogenic effects. (photo courtesy of Bernard Spragg)
Blacktip Island reefs this week became ground zero for scuba divers engaging in the controversial new practice of sea-anemone licking, prompting a swift response from island officials.
“These whackadoos are out there licking anemones to get a buzz,” Marine Parks spokesperson Val Schrader said. “It’s a twist on the toad licking that was all the rage years ago. Problem is, it’s damaging our reefs and aquatic life. Every time one of these yahoos touches an anemone, or the coral around it, they’re doing irreparable damage to the underwater ecosystem.
“This is a marine park, not an opium den,” Schrader said. “We fine them when we catch them, but they don’t care. We’ve located all the anemones in the park and installed security cameras and motion detectors around them. We’re also doing random patrols during non-peak hours to catch any lickers who sneak in from shore.”
Anemone afficionados were not deterred.
“The purple anemones are the best,” said a diver who requested anonymity. “First you feel the tingle from the stinging cells, then WHAM, you’re buzzing from the tip of your tongue to the tips of your toes. One second you’re taking your reg out, the next you’re just grooving along with all the groupers.
“Now, with all the blue shirts trying to shut us down, it’s getting tougher to get to the anemones,” the diver said. “We’ve had to branch out, find anemones outside the marine park, at more remote sites. The optimum depth’s 40-50 feet, but some are shallow enough for swimmers and snorkelers to get to.”
Island health officials say the practice has created a local health crisis.
“Anemone toxins are fairly mild, but some people are allergic to them,” Island nurse Marissa Graysby said. “I’m already critically low on epi-pens to treat lickers in shock. This is a small medical clinic, and these people are taking vital resources from people who truly need them.
“There’ve been no fatalities so far, somehow,” Graysby said. “Being sensory impaired 60 feet underwater is not a healthy thing to be. It’s only a matter of time before someone has a seizure and drowns.”
Authorities are implementing new regulations to discourage the anemone licking.
“The Island Council pushed through new, stiffer fines for anyone caught abusing sea anemones,” Island Police Constable Rafe Marquette said. “We’ve also begun mandatory post-dive tongue inspections to identify divers who’ve licked anemones. You surface with a red, swollen tongue, you’re going to the jail and will be significantly poorer. This isn’t that kind of island.”
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Blacktip Island Weather
Sunday, September 24, 2023
Temperature: 95
Humidity: 73%
Precipitation: Definite potential
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Blacktip Island’s New Floating Cars Will Offset Flood Risks
A Blacktip Island entrepreneur has announced plans to manufacture amphibious automobiles, modeled loosely on World War II-era amphibious DUKW boats, to fight climate-change induced flooding. (photo courtesy of Sue Nami)
A Blacktip Island inventor announced plans Wednesday to begin manufacturing buoyant cars in an effort to combat damage caused by climate change-induced flooding.
“Every time you turn on the news you see cars getting washed away in massive floods,” Sue Nami said. “With all these climate changes, disastrous flash floods are becoming the norm. But with a Float-O-Bil, you won’t have to worry about losing your vehicle. When flood waters rise, so will your ride.
“They’ll also be equipped with sensors that’ll inflate a tube around the car, so it won’t get damaged bashing into anything,” Nami said. “When water hits the center of the axle—POOF—an airbag deploys around the car. An anchor’ll be standard, too, so motorists don’t have to be worried about washing away completely. We can’t stop floods, but we can out-maneuver them.”
Residents say the cars will be beneficial, even without flash floods.
“We get a good, heavy rain for a few days, the roads flood,” Lefty Wright said. “That causes all kind of problems ‘cause folks can’t get to and from work. Just last week, when the pond overflowed from normal rain, Dermott Bottoms hit a tarpon driving in to work. With one of these new cars, that wouldn’t have happened, and Dermott would’ve been spared an awkward conversation with his insurance agent.”
Local climate researchers lauded the Float-O-Bil.
“As floods become more common, vehicles like this’ll become standard,” Tiperon University-Blacktip climate sciences professor Goby Graysby said. “We’ll be seeing these all over the world. It’ll drive auto insurance rates down, too. Sure, they’ll cost more up front, but they’ll pay for themselves over time.”
Environmental activists, however, were skeptical.
“This is a Pollyana-esque idea that’s in no way practical,” Coral Reef Aquatic Protectors president Harry Pickett said. “It’ll take years just to build the factory, then more years to produce the cars—which are dubious, at best. Why not take all that energy and money and put it into flood prevention? And stop building in flood-prone zones.”
Nami brushed aside those concerns.
“Harry’s stuck in the past,” she said. “We have to focus on the future, and the future is all about amphibious vehicles. It’s not as far-fetched as Harry makes it sound—there’s still amphibious Duck boats from World War II in service. And constructing the factory and building cars’ll create a ton of new jobs on the island. There’s no down side to this.
“We also have plans to develop up-market models with means of propulsion,” Nami said. “Top-of-the-market will have a small propeller that’ll deploy off the transmission. Lower-priced models with come with either oars or paddles, whichever the customer prefers. And if the Float-O-Bil is a success, we’ll look into building floating houses.”
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The Blacktip Times 