Tag Archives: The Secret of Rosalita Flats

The arrival next week of an asteroid NASA says will be a ‘second moon’ for nearly two months has Blacktip Island residents bracing for the worst. (photo courtesy of Harvinder Chandigarh)

News of a large asteroid, dubbed ‘2024 PT5’ by NASA, forecast to orbit Earth for 56 days starting next week, has Blacktip Island astronomists alarmed about the catastrophic effects a shift in gravity a second moon might have on the small Caribbean island.

“We’re a small, low-lying chunk of rock,” Blacktip Observatory astronomer Vera Cuda said. “The spring and autumn full moons already play hell with our tides. The slight gravitational oomph this asteroid will bring could be enough to sink the island. Or leave us high and dry.

“Folks need to prepare for worst-case scenarios,” Cuda said. “Personally, I’ve strapped my fishing boat to the roof of my house, and stocked it with two weeks of food and water. It’s gonna be touch-and-go for a couple of months, and people need to be ready.”

Other residents had more esoteric concerns.

“Having two moons’s gonna mess up everybody’s horoscopes for a while,” self-proclaimed clairvoyant Antonio Fletcher said. “Could be good, or bad, depending on when and where that second moon is any given day. Troubling times are coming.

“Bigger worry is what happens to babies born under a second moon,” Fletcher said. “Moon in Gemini at birth’s one thing, but what if a baby’s born with that second moon in Scorpio? Or if the old moon and new moon line up together? Poor baby born with two moons in Pisces’ll be all kinds of screwed up.”

Some residents say they’ve already noticed asteroid-related changes.

“The animals are acting strange,” Animal Control supervisor Coryl Bleeching said. “Our dogs’ve been howling for no reason, day and night. And hermit crabs are starting to crawl around shell-less. Lee Helm swears he saw two iguanas dancing the foxtrot, too, so chaos is already here.”

Island officials urged calm.

“We have no scientific evidence this space rock’ll have any effect on the Earth. Or this island,” Police Constable Rafe Marquette said. “Folks should be mindful of it, sure, but otherwise go about their daily business as usual. This’s Blacktip, though, so there’s not a chance in hell of that happening. I’m planning on a busy two months.”

Island business leaders touted the asteroid’s benefits.

“We’ve launched an ‘island sanctuary’ ad campaign to get people down here this fall,” de facto island mayor Jack Cobia said. “We’re pitching it as a safe haven away from the rest of the world. Here, we’re cut off from everything. If this thingamajiggy wreaks havoc globally, what better place to ride out the storm than here? Island-wide, bookings are already up 20 percent over last year. It’ll be like the Y2K boom all over again.”