Blacktip Island residents will construct a storage vault, modeled on Norway’s doomsday seed vault, to preserve their favorite island recipes in the event of a natural disaster. (photo courtesy of Cierra Martin)
Blacktip Island authorities have chosen a site high on the small Caribbean island’s southern bluff to construct a vault to preserve island recipes for future generations in case of a civilization-ending catastrophe.
“With all the wildfires and wars and meteors going on right now, we thought it best to build a secure repository of things that can’t be replaced,” Christina Mojarra said. “We’re concentrating on things that’ll help rebuild civilization if all us current Blacktippers get wiped out.
“We got the idea from that seed vault they built up in Svalbard,” Mojarra said. “We’re building it out of concrete, up high on the bluff, in the center of the island, safe from any flooding. We’ll keep the bushes trimmed back, too, to reduce fire risk. This is our culture, our heritage on the line here.”
Locals were quick to debate what recipes should go into the vault.
“Harry Blenny’s conch fritters are a shoe-in,” Reg Gurnard said. “So is ‘Tonio Fletcher’s fortified sea-grape wine. And Peachy Bottoms’ callaloo, maybe. Folks crawl out of caves after a doomsday event, they’ll be needing things like that. We’re taking suggestions now, and will be putting it all to a vote Friday.”
Some residents, however, questioned the project.
“The whole thing’s a bogus construction project of Rich Skerritt’s, on worthless land he owns up on the bluff,” government watchdog Wade Soote said. “I guarantee it’ll go way over budget, repeatedly, and’ll never get finished. He’s not doing this to preserve culture or out of altruism. He’s building it to wash money through.
“The whole Skerritt family’s in on it,” Soote said. “They’re building a special road up to the place, too. And Ferris Skerritt’s handling all the finances, so you know it’s dodgy as all get-out.”
Others focused on more practical matters.
“Dermott Bottoms is lobbying hard to be the caretaker, but that’s just because he wants to use the bunker as his personal hurricane shelter,” vault conservator Fannie Bottoms said. “Knowing Dermott, there won’t be much caretaking, but there’s be an awful lot of beer drinking.”
Bottoms denied the allegation.
“Concerned about Blacktip’s heritage, y’know,” he said. “Concerned about passing things on to the next generation. And if I happen to be up there during a big storm, that just means everything inside’s that much safer.”
The Blacktip Times 