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Blacktip Island Weather
Wahoo Reef weather station
Sunday, September 29, 2024
Temperature: 91
Humidity: 63%
Precipitation: Incoming
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Blacktip Island Experts Say ‘Second Moon’ Will Wreak Havoc
The arrival next week of an asteroid NASA says will be a ‘second moon’ for nearly two months has Blacktip Island residents bracing for the worst. (photo courtesy of Harvinder Chandigarh)
News of a large asteroid, dubbed ‘2024 PT5’ by NASA, forecast to orbit Earth for 56 days starting next week, has Blacktip Island astronomists alarmed about the catastrophic effects a shift in gravity a second moon might have on the small Caribbean island.
“We’re a small, low-lying chunk of rock,” Blacktip Observatory astronomer Vera Cuda said. “The spring and autumn full moons already play hell with our tides. The slight gravitational oomph this asteroid will bring could be enough to sink the island. Or leave us high and dry.
“Folks need to prepare for worst-case scenarios,” Cuda said. “Personally, I’ve strapped my fishing boat to the roof of my house, and stocked it with two weeks of food and water. It’s gonna be touch-and-go for a couple of months, and people need to be ready.”
Other residents had more esoteric concerns.
“Having two moons’s gonna mess up everybody’s horoscopes for a while,” self-proclaimed clairvoyant Antonio Fletcher said. “Could be good, or bad, depending on when and where that second moon is any given day. Troubling times are coming.
“Bigger worry is what happens to babies born under a second moon,” Fletcher said. “Moon in Gemini at birth’s one thing, but what if a baby’s born with that second moon in Scorpio? Or if the old moon and new moon line up together? Poor baby born with two moons in Pisces’ll be all kinds of screwed up.”
Some residents say they’ve already noticed asteroid-related changes.
“The animals are acting strange,” Animal Control supervisor Coryl Bleeching said. “Our dogs’ve been howling for no reason, day and night. And hermit crabs are starting to crawl around shell-less. Lee Helm swears he saw two iguanas dancing the foxtrot, too, so chaos is already here.”
Island officials urged calm.
“We have no scientific evidence this space rock’ll have any effect on the Earth. Or this island,” Police Constable Rafe Marquette said. “Folks should be mindful of it, sure, but otherwise go about their daily business as usual. This’s Blacktip, though, so there’s not a chance in hell of that happening. I’m planning on a busy two months.”
Island business leaders touted the asteroid’s benefits.
“We’ve launched an ‘island sanctuary’ ad campaign to get people down here this fall,” de facto island mayor Jack Cobia said. “We’re pitching it as a safe haven away from the rest of the world. Here, we’re cut off from everything. If this thingamajiggy wreaks havoc globally, what better place to ride out the storm than here? Island-wide, bookings are already up 20 percent over last year. It’ll be like the Y2K boom all over again.”
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Blacktip Island Weather
Wahoo Reef weather station
Sunday, September 22, 2024
Temperature: 93
Humidity: 64%
Precipitation: Take a rain jacket
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The Blacktip Times is experiencing technical difficulties. Remain calm.
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Blacktip Island Open-Mic Night Ends In Chaos
Ham Pilchard surveys the remnants of his Sand Spit Bar Thursday morning after multiple altercations severely damaged the building Wednesday evening. (photo courtesy of Cori Anders)
An open-mic night at Blacktip Island’s Sand Spit bar Wednesday night ended with seven people arrested, 12 sent to the island’s medical clinic and tens of thousands of dollars in barroom damages after multiple alcohol-fueled fights broke out at the popular west-side bar.
“We had two great ideas to get folks into the bar,” Sand Spit bartender Corie Anders said. “One was the open-mic, where anyone could get up and sing anything they wanted. The other was the rum sampling by Bonefish Distillers. Problem was, we had them on the same night.
“Things started out great, with people singing all kinds of songs—covers and originals—at one end of the room, and others drinking the latest rum at the other,” Anders said. “An hour into it, though, we discovered free rum and live mics don’t mix well.”
Bystanders say the evening took a bad turn after the two groups mingled.
“‘Tonio Fletcher’d just finished a surprisingly not-so-bad Janis Joplin knock off when Jack Mackrell grabbed the mic and launched into some kind of Gregorian chant—that’s what it sounded like, anyway,” Donna Requin said. “From the faces in the crowd, you could tell it hurt people’s ears. But all are welcome and no one judges at open mic.
“Then Dermott Bottoms got up, well lubricated with dark rum, and started into a profanity-fueled take on ‘Don’t Sleep in the Subway’,” Requin said. “We got him off stage, but the next thing we knew, Reg Gurnard was trying to seduce Frank Maples’ wife, Helen, by substituting lewd lyrics into an Avril Lavigne song and spraying can of Axe body spray all over, and all hell broke loose. I crawled under tables to get out the side door.”
Island officials spent nearly an hour restoring order.
“Got seven folks jammed into the one jail cell,” Island Police Constable Rafe Marquette said. “Nurse M’rissa took another dozen to the clinic to get patched up. Honestly, I’m still sorting out who to charge with what.
“Ol’ Ham should’ve known better, mixing two events like this,” Marquette said. “Free booze always ends ugly on this little rock. You want to do that, stage it outside, with nothing else going on. May end up charging him, too, before all’s said and done.”
Sand Spit owner Ham Pilchard placed the blame on rowdy patrons.
“These people’re why we can’t have nice events,” he said. “We were trying to do something positive for the community. It should have been a lovely evening, but it only takes a few bad apples, I suppose. Or drunk ones. Now, we’ll be closed for days cleaning up and repairing.
“There’s thousands of dollars in furniture damage alone,” Pilchard said. “No one’s sure who crashed into the behind-the-bar mirror first, but they’re in for a ton of bad luck. And we still can’t find the mic.”
The Sand Spit will be closed indefinitely. Donations are being accepted to raise funds to build a temporary outdoor bar.
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Blacktip Island Weather
Wahoo Reef weather station
Sunday, September 8, 2024
Temperature: 98
Humidity: 68%
Precipitation: Not happening
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Blacktip Island Shakespeare Season Launches Saturday Evening
Alison Diesel as Dromio of Ephesus, left, and Hugh Calloway as Dromio of Syracuse face off in the dress rehearsal of the Blacktip Island Community Players’ interpretation of Shakespeare’s mistaken-identity farce The Comedy of Errors. (photo courtesy of the Blacktip Island Community Players / Gage Hoase).
The Blacktip Island Community Players Thursday announced their Fall 2024 Shakespeare Festival will open this Saturday with their rendition of The Comedy of Errors, set on contemporary Blacktip Island, Players officials said.
“We’re trying to make this wonderful material relevant to the average Blacktipper,” BICP director Doris Blenny said. “The Comedy of Errors will start things off because it could have been written specifically for our little island. It’s an uncanny life-copies-art situation. Or vice versa.
“The play’s been described as a classic farce, but to us it’s just everyday life,” Blenny said. “In fact, last year, the phrase nearly became our island motto, being narrowly edged out by ‘If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It.’”
Many in the small island community embraced the retelling.
“It’s wonderful something cultural like this can be produced so true to life,” Chrissy Graysby said. “People get me and Joey Pompano mixed up all the time, always with comic results. We’ll be bringing the kiddos so they can soak up their heritage.”
Others questioned the choice of plays.
“Blacktip’s full of construction workers and divemasters,” James Conlee said. “Fancy plays like this got nothing to offer. Be surprised if anybody shows up. Time’s better spent at the Sand Spit bar. Or better yet, The Last Ballyhoo. Go down to the Ballyhoo Saturday at closing time, you’ll see some real entertainment.”
Other questioned its appropriateness.
“This little rock’s already eat-up with gossip and rumors and mistaken identity,” Dermott Bottoms said. “Folks recognize themselves in the play, there’s gonna be problems. I see anybody mocking me, I’ll snatch ‘em off that stage and chuck ‘em through the window.”
The cast includes:
- Gage Hoase as Antipholus of Ephesus
- Marina DeLow as Antipholus of Syracuse
- Alison Diesel as Dromio of Ephesus
- Hugh Calloway as Dromio of Syracuse
- Lee Helm as Adriana
- Cori Anders as Luciana
- Jessie Catahoula as Egeon the Merchant
- Booger Bottoms as Solinus, Duke of Ephesus
“We are allowing alcohol consumption, in moderation, but with zero tolerance for rowdy behavior,” Blenny said. “The constable will be standing by, and we will not have a repeat of last year’s Last Samurai finale debacle.”
The play will begin at 7:30 on the island’s Heritage House lawn. All funds raised will go to Blacktip’s Habitat for Humanity.
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The Blacktip Times 