Sunday, January 28, 2023
Temperature: 86
Humidity: 62%
Precipitation: Not a chance
Tag Archives: humor
Residents Claim Blacktip Island Now In The Bermuda Triangle
After a series of unexplained disappearances, some Blacktip Island residents are fearful the Bermuda Triangle has expanded to include the small Caribbean island. (illustration courtesy of Danilo94)
A spate of unexplained disappearances on Blacktip Island has caused some residents to worry the infamous Bermuda Triangle has shifted to encompass the small Caribbean island.
“All kinds of things going missing all of a sudden, nothing else explains it,” Rocky Shore said. “Car keys, garden hoses, bicycles, boats, you name it. There one minute, gone the next. It’s not natural.
“Won’t be long before folks start disappearing, too,” Shore said. “Nearly got Dermott Bottoms. Dermott’s boat disappeared same night his bottle of rum did. Only way he kept from getting disappeared himself was by jumping into the ditch and grabbing hold of a mangrove. Said there was a roaring sound, then everything went dark. And wet.”
Some blamed recent climate changes for the phenomenon.
“Shifting gulf stream means more frozen undersea methane’s melting,” Molly Miller said. “That’s what makes the water less dense, sinks ships. Confuses folks flying airplanes, too, when it gets in the air. They proved that’s what happens in the Devil’s Triangle, time and again. Warmer seas, melting methane are why it’s shifting south to here.
“Been smelling lots of methane around the island lately,” Miller said. “There’s proof right there it’s the problem. Me, I worry every time I get on a boat to go fishing. Or on the plane over to Tiperon. No telling when a hole’s gonna open up in the sea or the air.”
Others disputed the claims.
“Blacktip Island is nowhere near the Bermuda Triangle,” environmental scientist Fanny Basslet said. “We’re in the Caribbean. The Triangle’s in the Atlantic. And on top of that, the Bermuda Triangle phenomenon has been utterly debunked multiple times. It can’t expand to here because it doesn’t exist.
“People are just forgetful, use bad judgement then blame something besides themselves,” Basslet said. “Dermott getting blind drunk and forgetting to tie off his boat is a much more likely scenario than some supernatural force.”
Some locals, however, embraced the idea.
“It adds a bit of excitement to your day, doesn’t it?” Reg Gurnard said. “Things get so routine and boring here. Now, you never know what to expect. Personally, I’m quite hoping Lee Helm will disappear. But then, there’s lots of folks on the island hoping for that same thing.”
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Blacktip Island Weather
Sunday, January 21, 2023
Temperature: 88
Humidity: 67%
Precipitation: Nothing but blue skies
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Blacktip Island To Launch Inaugural Flying Fish Races Saturday
Blacktip Island sports enthusiasts will cheer on the inaugural Flying Fish Derby Saturday, with racers judged on speed and length of flight. (photo illustration courtesy of Gervais et Boulart)
The Blacktip Island Athletic Society will welcome the new year this Saturday with the small Caribbean island’s inaugural Flying Fish Derby near Diddley’s Landing public pier.
“People on boats ‘ooo’ and ‘aah’ over flying fish all the time, so we figured we’d formalize that,” BIAS president Ledford Waite said. “It’s a new sport for a new year. BIAS members have been raising and training their flying fish for months to prepare for this. Trophies will be awarded for the fastest flying fish as well as the longest glide.
“We’ll line the fish up underwater against a clear sheet of Plexiglas, then drop the barrier and make a sound like a barracuda,” Waite said. “We’ll run multiple heats, in a round-robin format, to ensure each fish gets a fair shot at winning. Judges’ll be posted all around in skiffs to observe each flight.”
Pre-race favorites are already getting attention.
“Gage Hoase’s Icarus is the clear favorite, followed closely by Jessie Catahoula’s Fluffy,” Christina Goby said. “In trial flights, those two have been hands-down the dominant competitors. “Finn Kiick, Alison Diesel and Marina DeLow also have strong fish in the running. It’ll most likely come down to which fish gets the most carbs and the most sleep the night before the races.”
Trainers were secretive about their methods.
“I can’t talk about diet or training regimes, but I can say they’re driven by some pretty serious analytics,” Marina DeLow said. “It’s a new sport, so everybody’s kind of feeling their way to see what works best. There’ll be a lot of adjustments after this event, based on what methods prove most effective. My guess is there’ll a big shift toward plankton-based programs.”
Event organizers have also suggested attire for spectators.
“We’re encouraging everyone to wear white, as well as their most-fanciful sun hats,” Doris Blenny said. “There will also be beverage skiffs providing rum juleps to spectators in boats.”
Island authorities cautioned about potential wagers placed on the races.
“As ever, gambling of any sort is illegal in the Tiperon Islands,” Island Police Constable Rafe Marquette said. “I’ll be on the lookout for any bookmaking or wager-related activities during these races, and will not hesitate to make arrests if I notice anything fishy going on.”
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Dry Gin January Kicks Off Blacktip Island’s New Year
Dry gin has been flying off Blacktip Island store shelves since the first of the year as a result of the small Caribbean island’s Dry Gin January campaign, implemented to encourage residents to consume less alcohol. (photo illustration by Wendy Beaufort/BTT staff)
In a variation on the popular Dry January sobriety campaign, Blacktip Island residents this year launched a Dry Gin January to encourage more locals to participate in the movement, organizers said.
“People talk a lot about doing a Dry January, but a lot of others feel shamed for drinking at all when others pointedly aren’t,” Donna Requin said. “With this compromise, we can make just about everybody happy. Teetotalers can swear off booze, and the rest of us can enjoy a refreshing adult beverage made with gin instead of whatever we usually drink.
“It also opens people up to the many varieties of dry gin available, and the plethora of cocktails one can make with it,” Requin said. “Prior to this, I had no idea what a ‘bramble’ was. Now it’s my favorite drink. And even if folks don’t cotton to gin, it’ll give them a new appreciation for their rum and beer come February first. And, end of the day, we’re not demanding people drink only dry gin, or enforcing that. We’re just encouraging it.”
Not all on the small Caribbean island are happy with the campaign.
“Got a big spike in one-car accidents, and drink-driving arrests, since the first of the year,” Island Police Constable Rafe Marquette said. “Problem is, gin has just that little bit of extra alcohol, and it sneaks up on folks not used to it. More folks passing out at bars, too. As a public safety caution— going partly sober, or whatever this is, will not keep you out of jail, or out of the ditches.”
Island bars have taken advantage of the movement.
“We’ve got a whole gin cocktail menu, and folks can’t get enough of it,” Sand Spit bartender Cori Anders said. “Tom Collins, Singapore sings, vespers, you name it. Our ‘martini Tuesdays’ have been especially popular. The only drawback is no one gave us a heads-up this dry gin thing was gonna drop, and it caught us by surprise. We’re having to fly gin in, special delivery, to keep up with demand.”
Local merchants noted a similar uptick.
“Gin’s been flying off the shelf all week,” said Peachy Bottoms, owner of Peachy Bottoms Grocery and Sundries. “My hope is people really develop a taste for gin over the next few weeks and this becomes the norm. A bunch of new gin afficionados is just what this island, and my bank account, needs.”
Requin said the program’s success has created the possibility of more alcohol-themed months.
“There’s already talk of ‘potato vodka February,’ and ‘single-malt March,’” she said. “Big picture, we’re going to continue encouraging people to drink less by drinking selectively.”
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Blacktip Island Weather
Sunday, January 7, 2023
Temperature: 81
Humidity: 64%
Precipitation: Not today
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Jack Rodeo Marks Blacktip Island New Year
Blacktip Island’s 49th Annual Jack Rodeo winner Marina DeLow herds her school of horse-eye jacks toward an underwater pen Monday afternoon off the Caribbean island’s northern point. (photo by Wendy Beaufort/BTT staff)
Blacktip Island residents celebrated New Year’s Day Monday with their 49th Annual Jack Rodeo near The Pinnacle dive site on the small Caribbean island’s northern tip.
“It’s been the traditional way to welcome the new year that combines reef fish and scuba diving,” organizer Kay Valve said. “Jacques Cousteau started it, back in the 70s. The Calypso stopped here for repairs, and he and the crew began fish herding to pass the time. I think some New Year’s alcohol was involved, too.
“The goal is to get your circling school of horse-eye jacks into an underwater pen in the shortest time possible,” Valve said. “Points are deducted for any jacks not penned, and bonus points are awarded for any other fish—jacks or otherwise—also herded into the pen. We have submerged cameras covering the entire reef so people can watch from shore.”
Event organizers noted the round up is highly competitive.
“We get fish wranglers from all around the Caribbean coming here to see how they measure up,” Clete Horn said. “Some of ‘em even train Nassau groupers to help the herding, kind of like border collies do with sheep. Except underwater. And with scales instead of hair. That’s why we created separate ‘assisted’ and ‘non-assisted’ categories this year.”
Others stressed the inherent dangers in the event.
“To get reliable schools of jacks, we have to drop divers in at the tip of the island, where they congregate,” Val Schrader said. “Problem with that is, there’s usually a ton of current up there. That’s what brings the jacks in. Herders have to be cognizant of that at all times. Some days, you get down current, it’s game over.
“The current and all the jacks also attracts sharks,” Schrader said. “We have spotters posted all around to shoo them away with lionfish spears. The trick is to stay close enough to the wranglers to keep them safe, but at the same time stay far enough away you don’t spook the jacks. It’s a delicate balance.”
The 2024 winner is local divemaster Marina DeLow, who penned her school of jacks in a record time of 5:13.
“I’ve been in the running before, but was always just shy of winning,” DeLow said. “This year I changed my strategy and herded them up current, and it worked like a charm. It’s an honor to finally hoist the coveted Golden Jack trophy overhead.”
The event was followed by a fish cookout on the beach, accompanied by local coconut mead and sea grape wine. Live music was courtesy of local band Effing Zeagles.
“It’s an event for the entire family,” Valve said. “It truly brings the community together in a positive way to start the new year.”
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The Blacktip Times 