Swarms of land crabs, high on cocaine, are terrorizing Blacktip Island residents and guests this week. (photo courtesy of Stefan Hunt)
Swarms of land crabs on Blacktip Island this week attacked numerous island residents after the crustaceans allegedly found and opened a bag of cocaine that had washed ashore, authorities said.
“We recovered several packages of cocaine on the west coast beaches, and right after that, the crabs around there just went berserk,” Island Police Constable Rafe Marquette said. “They’re attacking people and wildlife indiscriminately, and making life a nightmare at the resorts and restaurants and bars.
“Them getting into a random bag of blow is the only thing that explains it,” Marquette said. “We think the crabs dragged a bag into the brush. Finding that bag is critical. I’ve tried to search the area, but the crabs there are so wired, they’ve torn up three pairs of my boots so far.”
Residents say the problem is getting worse.
“These things are like zombie crabs—they just keep coming at you, snapping those claws and pinching anything they can get ahold of,” Club Scuba Doo owner Ham Pilchard said. “Squash ‘em flat with a car, they just keep on scuttling at you, claws raised and guts dragging. It’s like that bear, but more so, because there’s more of them.
“And worse, the soldier crabs have gotten a snootful, too,” Pilchard said. “Those little suckers’ll bore right through the side of your house, like they do coconuts. We’re temporarily issuing hammocks to our guests so they can sleep in relative peace.”
Nearby resorts had broader concerns.
“We’ve got coked-up crabs swarming our dive boats, going after divers’ bare feet,” Eagle Ray Divers divemaster Marina DeLow said. “But the bigger worry is what if this coke frenzy spreads to the aquatic hermit crabs? At that point, diving would be all but impossible.”
Island authorities have improvised anti-crab measures.
“First time we’ve run into something like this, so we’re experimenting to see what works best,” animal control supervisor Coryl Bleeching said. “The most effective solution so far’s been giving Dermott Bottoms and James Conlee golf clubs and a bottle of rum and telling ‘em it’s tee time. It’s fun to watch, too. From the safety of a car. With the windows rolled up.
“At first, some of the kids thought it was fun to run down the road dodging angry crabs,” Bleeching said. “Then little Shelly Bottoms tripped and the crabs were all over her. We got her out OK, with not too much loss of blood, but it put an end to the games.”
Some, though, viewed the situation in a positive light.
“This sets up perfect for a Running of the Crabs event every year,” de facto island mayor Jack Cobia said. “Of course, it’d depend on being able to get a bag of coke, which is a major legal obstacle. We’re working on getting Rafe to donate a seized bag every so often. For the good of the island. And by ‘we’ I mean ‘me.’”
The Blacktip Times 