Black tip Island dive boats have become a smelly arena this week due to scuba diving guests attempting to out-stink each other by urinating in their wetsuits. (photo by Wendy Beaufort / BTT staff)
What started as an impromptu demonstration about the pitfalls of urinating in wetsuits devolved into a competition on Blacktip Island’s dive boats this week, with scuba guests attempting to create the most offensive smell during their dives.
“We were explaining why peeing in your wetsuit isn’t the best thing to do,” Eagle Ray Divers’ divemaster Gage Hoase said. “I mentioned how the ammonia in urine reacts with neoprene to create a funky, wet-goat-meets-moldy-mattress smell, and one of our guests said, ‘That’s nothing. You should smell mine.’ From there things got out of hand.
“Instead of peeing in their wetsuit less, divers are now peeing more,” Hoase said. “Big picture, when you pee in wetsuits you’re encasing yourself in urine. Some people like that. I’m not casting stones. There’s probably websites for that. But when you climb back on the boat, gravity takes over and it runs all over our decks and carpets. Now our divers are making that worse.”
Other dive professionals were critical of the demonstration.
“These are dive guests. And human beings. Of course things got competitive,” ERD divemaster Marina DeLow said. “Problem is, it didn’t stay confined to Gage’s boat. Within a few days, divers on all the boats at all the resorts had joined in. It’s like a bunch of third-graders having a farting competition, but ranker. And we have to walk, and stand, in their stale urine.
“It’s hard to be on the dive boats these days, the smell’s so bad,” DeLow said. “We keep hoping it’ll run its course, but so far, no luck. Gage should have known something like this would happen. I’m holding him totally responsible for this, and I cuss at him at the dock while I scrub the decks twice a day.”
Divers, meanwhile, are experimenting with different strategies to remain competitive.
“Single-malt scotch works the best for a real peaty funk,” Eagle Ray Cove guest Buddy Brunnez said. “Pickle juice’s also a solid go-to. People’ve had good results with stout beer, too. The real trick is to make sure you’re good and dehydrated. That really brings out the stench. I get hammered the night before, then piss away in my suit the next day.”
The island nurse urged divers to stop the practice.
“Number one, urine is not sterile, no matter what random websites say,” nurse Marissa Graysby said. “Diaper rash, anyone? And if you’re wearing a hood, urine is getting into your ears and can give you some nasty otitis.
“But the biggest concern is all these idiots purposely dehydrating themselves when they need to do the exact opposite. Dehydrated divers are much more susceptible to decompression sickness. It’s a wonder we haven’t sent anyone to the recompression chamber. And I’ve had to rehydrate so many, I’m almost out of Ringer’s lactate IV.”
The Blacktip Times 