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Underwater Pillow Fight Club Unveiled On Blacktip Island

underwater pillowfight

Scuba-certified pillow fight enthusiasts of all ages will be welcomed this Sunday at Blacktip Island’s first non-secret underwater pillow fight. (photo courtesy of Talita Ribeiro)

A secretive band of scuba diving underwater pillow fight enthusiasts this weekend will host a public pillow fight tournament off Blacktip Island’s public pier in an effort to make the sport more mainstream, group members said.

“We’re not supposed to talk about the underwater pillow fight club, but we’re trying to recruit new members, so we kinda have to,” Finn Kiick said. “The key’s to stuff the pillows with lead dive weights so they don’t float and to give them mass when you swing them.

“How much weight is up to each individual and how much lead they can comfortably swing without losing too much velocity,” Kiick said. “It’s a delicate balance between mass and drag that really varies from pillow to pillow and from fighter to fighter. You also have to factor in air consumption to really find the sweet spot.”

Club members said weight placement is crucial.

“You have to tuck the weights in careful so they don’t wiggle loose,” Belinda Graysby said. “If they do, that can affect your swing and balance. It can also be dangerous if a weight works its way out of the pillow and into the pillowcase and you hit somebody with it. That happened last week with Alison Diesel. Sent James Conlee to the clinic with a cracked skull.”

Other members hope the activity helps build an increased sense of community.

“We’ll start doing this every Sunday, when most folks are off work, so as many as possible can participate,” Kenny Chromis said. “Keeping the club private, it felt too elitist. This way is more democratic and’ll let people bond over a shared experience.

“We’ll hop in at Diddley’s Landing and have at it in the sand flats,” Chromis said. “It’ll be a one-on-one, double elimination format with whoever shows up. We tried doing an all-in free-for-all once, but Nurse Marissa banned up from ever doing that again after she ran out of medical supplies. There’ll be first aid kits, inflatable casts and neck braces on shore, and Marissa isn’t allowed to participate, just in case.

All Blacktip residents are welcome, club members said, and must provide their own pillows, pillow cases and dive weights. All fights will be live-streamed to island bars. A limited amount of space for spectators is available on site, and all such spectators must sign multiple liability waivers.

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The Perks of Going With The Flow:

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‘F-Ubook’ Antisocial Network Launches On Blacktip Island

antisocial network

A Blacktip Island entrepreneur has developed an antisocial media platform she hopes will ease suppressed tensions among the small Caribbean island’s residents. (photo illustration courtesy of Lobo Studio Hamburg)

A Blacktip Island-based website designer this week launched what she touts as the world’s first antisocial media network to ensure peaceful relations among island residents.

“People on Blacktip are getting along too well face to face,” Sue Nami said. “They’re going out of their way to be nice to each other. That just leads to increased hostility and passive-aggression. People need an outlet for their hostility and negativity if our community’s to function. Now they have a place they can be as nasty as they want to each other.

“With such a small community, people talk about each other behind their backs, then are polite to their face,” Nami said. “We built F-Ubook to combat that. It allows people to slag down others directly, online, and replace passive-aggression with aggressive-aggression, then be genuinely polite in person.”

Local psychologists say the idea is not as far-fetched as it seems.

“Unexpressed, unacknowledged hostility can fester and lead to larger issues long term,” Blacktip Island Psychological Association president Sigmund Skinner said. “In a community as small as this, the social pressure is for everyone to get along, no matter what. That’s not healthy. It’s based on dishonesty. This new antisocial platform could be a game changer.”

Island residents expressed mixed feelings about the site.

“This’ll be great. Now I can tell Jack Cobia to pound sand, online, then still enjoy having drinks with him,” Rocky Shore said. “I can also give a thumbs-down to everything he posts, get all those nasty emotions out before I see him, or anyone, really, in person. It’s like a weight’s been lifted from my shoulders.”

Others took a more subdued approach.

“I sign in, then purposely don’t engage with anyone or respond to their posts,” Marcia Seagroves said. “F-Ubook makes it possible to give people the silent treatment in person and online. I log in, see who else is online, then purposely don’t chat with them. Sometimes I just stare at the screen. It’s liberating, really. And there’s also people who set up accounts and purposely don’t use them at all.”

Some users noted an unintended downside.

“The site’s filled with insults and negativity, but some people seem to like being the object of that,” Alison Diesel said. “Lee Helm posts all the time, and catches pure hell. Then he’s right back, begging for more abuse. It’s weird. He gets non-stop verbal abuse face to face. You’d think he’d reach his limit, but he seems to live for this stuff.”

FUbook is currently available only to Blacktip Island residents, but Nami said plans are in the works for expansion to all the Tiperon Islands if it proves successful.

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Dolphin day! Yay!

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Blacktip Island Weather


Sunday, February 19, 2023

Temperature: 89

Humidity: 66%

Precipitation: Nah

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Blacktip Island Welcomes Lame Excuse Hall of Fame

lame excuse HOF

Slackers of all descriptions will be able to relax outside the new Lame Excuse Hall of Fame, scheduled to open this Sunday afternoon. Unless something comes up. (photo courtesy of Jack Wrasse)

Blacktip Island will become home to the Lame Excuse Hall of Fame this Sunday afternoon, when officials from the International Slackers Society hope to officially cut the ribbon for the facility in the small Caribbean island’s downtown district.

“The Hall of Fame’s been on the table for a while, but something always came up,” ISS president Gerry Goldbrik said. “It’s finally going to happen, though. And we’re doing the opening Sunday afternoon so folks can’t use church or being hung over as their excuse not to attend.

“Blacktip Island is really a natural for this,” Goldbrik said. “If there’s a geographic, philosophic, Gestalten heart of half-assed excuses, Blacktip’s it. People here’ll come up with four, five bogus cop outs before breakfast. Slacking’s a sport on this little rock.”

Officials noted several island residents are eligible for inclusion.

“Lee Helm, he’s a shoo-in,” ISS chapter secretary Jack Wrasse said. “I don’t think anything comes out of his mouth has ever not been an excuse. James Conlee’ll get consideration. And Alison Diesel can come up with some real doozies, too.”

Officials were noncommittal on the ceremony’s details.

“The Hall’s gonna be in the empty room next to Peachy Bottoms’ store, so we’ll probably cut the ribbon right outside,” Chrissy Graysby said. “After that there’ll be a speech of some sort, or an excuse for why there isn’t one. Inside’ll be framed photos of famous excuse makers, and brass plaques underneath with the award-winning excuses engraved on them. We hope.

“Then this year’s inductees will draw random tasks from a hat and immediately make excuses for why they can’t be done” Grasby said. “The winner’ll get a trophy. Maybe. Frankly, we’re just hoping the ceremony happens and the place actually opens. We’ve seen this kind of thing fail all too often.”

Island residents were skeptical about the event.

“This is Blacktip. It’s just another thing that’ll never happen,” Marina DeLow said. “Like Gage Hoase training for the Boston Marathon. Or Booger Bottoms taking people out to Ale Key bank for diving. And even if the place does open, folks’ll find excuses never to visit.”

The ceremony will be open to the public. Admission fees will be donated to an as-yet-undecided charity.

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Wednesday Vibes

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Blacktip Island Weather


Sunday, February 12, 2023

Temperature: 86

Humidity: 68%

Precipitation: Raingear recommended

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Blacktip Island Iguana Beauty Contest Set For Saturday

iguana beauty contest

The St. Dervil’s Monastery singing iguanas will be favored in the talent portion of Saturday’s Iguana Beauty Contest at Blacktip Island’s Heritage House. (photo courtesy of MAKY.OREL)

The Blacktip Island Iguana Appreciation Society will host its inaugural Iguana Pageant this Saturday at the small Caribbean island’s Heritage House to increase awareness of the island’s native iguanas and to raise money for purchasing future nesting habitat.

“Folks have beauty contests for everything under the sun, so we thought, ‘why not iguanas?’” BIIAS president Clete Horn said. “The beauty of these animals is greatly underrated. And each has its own unique personality. Sure, they’re not as cuddly as dogs or babies, but they deserve their time in the spotlight.

“We’ll start the event with the round-up phase, where folks have an hour to catch an iguana to show,” Horn said. “After that, there’s a 30-minute first aid break to patch up any cuts, slashes and bites, then it’s on to the pageant. We’re doing it at the Heritage House, where the iguana population’s the thickest. Proceeds’ll go to buying beachfront nesting land.”

Pageant organizers said contestant will be judged on multiple criteria.

“All iguanas will be appraised on composure, appearance and talent,” society treasurer Lucille Ray said. “We’ll have small, medium and large size divisions, to keep things fair. Also, there’ll be anole and curly-tail lizard categories for the kiddos to compete in.

“In the talent category, any of the singing iguanas from St. Dervil’s monastery will be favored,” Ray said. “Though there’s rumors Dermott Bottoms has taught a big iguana at his place to answer arithmetic questions, like in the old Vaudeville horse acts.”

Some participants say the competition is already heating up.

“I never realized how cutthroat this sort of thing can be,” Ham Pilchard said. “The mind games have already started, with people trying to psych each other out ahead of time. Somebody tossed an iguana into Rocky Shore’s bed in the middle of the night. Scared the bejesus out of him—he’s still shaking. And Alison Diesel’s been chasing the iguanas around the Heritage House to spook them and make them harder to catch.”

Tourism officials hope the event will draw more visitors to the island.

“We want people to see Blacktip is unique and has something for everyone,” Department of Tourism spokesperson Goldie Goby said. “We’re not just a diving island anymore. We’re so much more than that.

“We’re also working with the society and the agriculture department to have contestants look for invasive green iguanas during the roundup,” Goby said. “They’ll be chasing lizards through the brush anyway, there’ll be plenty of opportunity to cull any of those suckers they run across.”

Winners of each category will receive ‘Iguana Have Some Fun’ t-shirts. Best in Show will go on a two-island Caribbean tour and receive iguana-feed sponsorships, society officials said.

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Surfing Dolphins Know They’re Cool

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