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September 27, 2024 · 7:27 am

Blacktip Island Experts Say ‘Second Moon’ Will Wreak Havoc

second moon

The arrival next week of an asteroid NASA says will be a ‘second moon’ for nearly two months has Blacktip Island residents bracing for the worst. (photo courtesy of Harvinder Chandigarh)

News of a large asteroid, dubbed ‘2024 PT5’ by NASA, forecast to orbit Earth for 56 days starting next week, has Blacktip Island astronomists alarmed about the catastrophic effects a shift in gravity a second moon might have on the small Caribbean island.

“We’re a small, low-lying chunk of rock,” Blacktip Observatory astronomer Vera Cuda said. “The spring and autumn full moons already play hell with our tides. The slight gravitational oomph this asteroid will bring could be enough to sink the island. Or leave us high and dry.

“Folks need to prepare for worst-case scenarios,” Cuda said. “Personally, I’ve strapped my fishing boat to the roof of my house, and stocked it with two weeks of food and water. It’s gonna be touch-and-go for a couple of months, and people need to be ready.”

Other residents had more esoteric concerns.

“Having two moons’s gonna mess up everybody’s horoscopes for a while,” self-proclaimed clairvoyant Antonio Fletcher said. “Could be good, or bad, depending on when and where that second moon is any given day. Troubling times are coming.

“Bigger worry is what happens to babies born under a second moon,” Fletcher said. “Moon in Gemini at birth’s one thing, but what if a baby’s born with that second moon in Scorpio? Or if the old moon and new moon line up together? Poor baby born with two moons in Pisces’ll be all kinds of screwed up.”

Some residents say they’ve already noticed asteroid-related changes.

“The animals are acting strange,” Animal Control supervisor Coryl Bleeching said. “Our dogs’ve been howling for no reason, day and night. And hermit crabs are starting to crawl around shell-less. Lee Helm swears he saw two iguanas dancing the foxtrot, too, so chaos is already here.”

Island officials urged calm.

“We have no scientific evidence this space rock’ll have any effect on the Earth. Or this island,” Police Constable Rafe Marquette said. “Folks should be mindful of it, sure, but otherwise go about their daily business as usual. This’s Blacktip, though, so there’s not a chance in hell of that happening. I’m planning on a busy two months.”

Island business leaders touted the asteroid’s benefits.

“We’ve launched an ‘island sanctuary’ ad campaign to get people down here this fall,” de facto island mayor Jack Cobia said. “We’re pitching it as a safe haven away from the rest of the world. Here, we’re cut off from everything. If this thingamajiggy wreaks havoc globally, what better place to ride out the storm than here? Island-wide, bookings are already up 20 percent over last year. It’ll be like the Y2K boom all over again.”

Blacktip Island’s Stargazers Launch Island’s First Astronomy Club

The Milky Way’s galactic arm stretches across Blacktip Island’s Eagle Ray Cove Wednesday night. A group of amateur astronomers has banded together to form the island’s first astronomy club. (photo of Kristian Pikner)

An informal group of astronomy enthusiasts this week joined forces to form the small Caribbean island’s first official astronomy club to alleviate boredom while tourism is derailed due to COVID-related border closings.

“Everybody was sitting around, just staring into space one night after the Ballyhoo closed, and the idea hit us,” Blacktip Island Astronomy Society president Cal Batten said. “We figured we might as well watch stars together since we were doing it anyway after the bars close.

“There’s too many lights around buildings, though, so we meet out on the airstrip,” Batten said. “Everybody brings a folding lounge chair and their beverage of choice and we stay up most of the night watching the stars, hoping for a comet, that sort of thing.”

Society members say the club is a way to better themselves.

“I was going to learn a language, but this is less stressful and more useful,” Cori Anders said. “Plus, you can drink while you do it. It’s encouraged, actually. And it’s an opportunity to learn something new.

“Like, I know I’m a Sagittarius, but wasn’t sure what that meant,” Anders said. “So hopefully this’ll give me some insight into that.”

Others echoed Anders’ sentiments.

“I’m never sure which stars are which, or what people are talking about,” Lee Helm said. “But I do like laying on my back and watching the stars spin. You feel safe in a group. Unless the constable shows up.”

Island authorities are tolerant of the group’s activities, to a point.

“Club members are free to use the landing strip, provided they police all garbage when they leave,” Island Police Constable Rafe Marquette said. “They also have to be gone at first light so they don’t interfere with arriving aircraft. Anyone laying on the runway at dawn will be arrested, be they conscious or otherwise. And they have been. Not to mention anyone by name, but his initials are Dermott Bottoms.”

Club officers include: Cal Batten, president; Marina DeLow, vice president; Peachy Bottoms, secretary; and Reg Gurnard, bartender.

The club’s informal structure is its greatest strength, members said.

“Folks who know about stars and stuff teach the rest of us,” Alison Diesel. “The other night, Cal brought out his big telescope to give us all cool views of Jupiter, Saturn and Venus. And James Conlee, he swears he saw Uranus.”