Narrator: “It’s common for hunting dolphins to stun fish with their tails, then return to consume them, as we see this young bottlenose . . . D’oh!”
Blacktip Island Weather
Sunday, June 18, 2023
Temperature: 91
Humidity: 73%
Precipitation: Not happening
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Cocaine-Crazed Land Crabs Terrorize Blacktip Island
Swarms of land crabs, high on cocaine, are terrorizing Blacktip Island residents and guests this week. (photo courtesy of Stefan Hunt)
Swarms of land crabs on Blacktip Island this week attacked numerous island residents after the crustaceans allegedly found and opened a bag of cocaine that had washed ashore, authorities said.
“We recovered several packages of cocaine on the west coast beaches, and right after that, the crabs around there just went berserk,” Island Police Constable Rafe Marquette said. “They’re attacking people and wildlife indiscriminately, and making life a nightmare at the resorts and restaurants and bars.
“Them getting into a random bag of blow is the only thing that explains it,” Marquette said. “We think the crabs dragged a bag into the brush. Finding that bag is critical. I’ve tried to search the area, but the crabs there are so wired, they’ve torn up three pairs of my boots so far.”
Residents say the problem is getting worse.
“These things are like zombie crabs—they just keep coming at you, snapping those claws and pinching anything they can get ahold of,” Club Scuba Doo owner Ham Pilchard said. “Squash ‘em flat with a car, they just keep on scuttling at you, claws raised and guts dragging. It’s like that bear, but more so, because there’s more of them.
“And worse, the soldier crabs have gotten a snootful, too,” Pilchard said. “Those little suckers’ll bore right through the side of your house, like they do coconuts. We’re temporarily issuing hammocks to our guests so they can sleep in relative peace.”
Nearby resorts had broader concerns.
“We’ve got coked-up crabs swarming our dive boats, going after divers’ bare feet,” Eagle Ray Divers divemaster Marina DeLow said. “But the bigger worry is what if this coke frenzy spreads to the aquatic hermit crabs? At that point, diving would be all but impossible.”
Island authorities have improvised anti-crab measures.
“First time we’ve run into something like this, so we’re experimenting to see what works best,” animal control supervisor Coryl Bleeching said. “The most effective solution so far’s been giving Dermott Bottoms and James Conlee golf clubs and a bottle of rum and telling ‘em it’s tee time. It’s fun to watch, too. From the safety of a car. With the windows rolled up.
“At first, some of the kids thought it was fun to run down the road dodging angry crabs,” Bleeching said. “Then little Shelly Bottoms tripped and the crabs were all over her. We got her out OK, with not too much loss of blood, but it put an end to the games.”
Some, though, viewed the situation in a positive light.
“This sets up perfect for a Running of the Crabs event every year,” de facto island mayor Jack Cobia said. “Of course, it’d depend on being able to get a bag of coke, which is a major legal obstacle. We’re working on getting Rafe to donate a seized bag every so often. For the good of the island. And by ‘we’ I mean ‘me.’”
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Blacktip Island Weather
Sunday, June 11, 2023
Temperature: 92
Humidity: 74%
Precipitation: Sailor take warning
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Inaugural Blacktip Island Underwater Marathon Set For Saturday
Scuba marathoners will have to battle currents and dodge coral heads Saturday in the small Caribbean island’s first-ever underwater marathon. (photo courtesy of violetto_mm)
Blacktip Island athletes Saturday will compete in the small Caribbean island’s first underwater marathon, a grueling race around the island’s coast, without surfacing, to raise money for local charity.
“Marathons are all the rage, and we wanted to do something really island and scuba specific,” Blacktip Island Athletic Society President Olive Beaugregory said. “Contestants will be on scuba the entire time, with fresh tanks, regulators and BCDs staged every few miles. If you break the surface, you’re automatically disqualified.
“It’s a balance between going fast and using lots of air, and conserving air but falling behind the pack,” Beaugregory said. “This’s a first-ever event, so there’ll be glitches, of course. But so long as everybody survives, it’s all good.”
Racers say dive depth is key.
“After a few weeks of practice, I think the ideal depth is 10-12 feet,” Kay Valve said. “Any shallower, the surge and bad vis’ll mess you up. Any deeper you use too much air and run into deco issues. And swim more than 26 miles.
“Realistically, it’s part marathon, part obstacle course,” Valve said. “You have to swim around coral heads and under swim-throughs, all while navigating using your depth gauge. And rogue currents are a total random element we’ll have to deal with. It’s an added challenge that makes the race so compelling.”
Local historians say the idea of a long underwater swim is not new.
“Oddly enough, this marathon has its roots in an actual event in the 1700s,” island historian Smithson Altschul said. “Pirates had landed in Mango Sound, at Blacktip’s southern tip. “Smackie Bottoms saw them come ashore and wanted to warn folks at the north end, but it was too dangerous to go across land.
“Old Smackie, he grabbed his diving bell and set out underwater and undetected,” Altschul said. “Swam all the way up to where the airstrip is now, crawled out of the water and warned folks so they could go hide up on the bluff. Forgotten part of island history, but an important one. Of course, Smackie died right after giving the warning, so it’s a cautionary tale. We’re aiming for a happier outcome.”
Event organizers stressed the safety measures in place.
“We’ll have snorkelers shadowing each diver, ready to help,” Beaugregory said. “They’ll also be able to chase off any too-inquisitive sharks, and sweep aside any jellyfish. And Nurse Marissa’ll be on hand with a defibrillator, oxygen and saline injections.”
Proceeds from the race, minus expenses, will go to the island’s Divemaster Retirement Fund.
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Blacktip Island Weather
Sunday, June 4, 2023
Temperature: 86
Humidity: 76%
Precipitation: Hammer time!
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Blacktip Island’s Iguana Beauty Contest Slated For Saturday
Blacktip Island’s rock iguanas will strut their stuff on the catwalk Saturday evening at the Caribbean island’s annual Iguana Beauty Pageant. (photo courtesy of Maky Orel)
Blacktip Island’s 23rd-Annual Iguana Beauty Contest will take place Saturday evening at the small Caribbean island’s Heritage House to raise money and awareness of the need to protect the critically-threatened lizards.
“This event’s always a crowd pleaser,” master of ceremonies Doris Blenny said. “It puts faces on a threatened species, so they’re not just some random lizards crawling under your feet at the bar. Without this yearly event, and the support it generates, there might not be any iguanas left on the island, what with the feral cats and speeding cars.
“As ever, our contestants will compete in swimwear, musical talent and congeniality,” Blenny said. “Their beauty and personality are so underrated, you know. It’s subtle, but it’s there. Something about their eyes. And tongues. And the sassy way they look at you. The pageant will conclude with a free-for-all fight among the big males at the end.”
Some island residents opposed the event.
“This is animal cruelty, pure and simple, no matter how Doris spins it,” island People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals president Harry Pickett said. “Did these wild animals ask to wear bikinis and lipstick? This is an endangered species we’re talking about, and this debacle just encourages folks to catch iguanas and dress them up in Barbie clothes.
“You put lipstick on an iguana, it’s still an iguana. Literally and figuratively,” Pickett said. “And parading them down the catwalk does more harm than good. This idiocy has an overall negative impact on their survival, no matter what the Chamber of Commerce people say.”
Island officials contested that view.
“This pageant’s a unique quirk that draws tourists to Blacktip year after year,” de facto island mayor Jack Cobia said. “Lord knows we need that, after being shut down so long for COVID. Harry just needs to sit back and enjoy the show.
“And no iguanas are harmed by any of this,” Cobia said. “We turn the suckers loose immediately afterwards, and they’re better for it. Long term, we’re forging closer human-iguana bonds. That does more to help their survival than a bunch of road signs. It’s for the greater good.
The contest winner will receive a plate of French fries and shredded cheddar cheese. Runners up will receive lettuce. Island authorities warned the gambling ban on the event will be strictly enforced, with violators being rubbed with French fry grease and thrown naked into a pit of iguanas.
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Blacktip Island Weather
Sunday, May 28, 2023
Temperature: 88
Humidity: 66%
Precipitation: Nooope
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