Blacktip Island Weather

sunday sept 5

Sunday, September 5, 2021

Temperature: 86

Humidity 66%

Precipitation – Yesterday’s news

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Blacktip Island Potterheads Form Underwater Quidditch League

A Caribbean reef squid serves as the golden snitch in ‘squidditch,’ Blacktip Island’s new underwater version of quidditch. (photo courtesy of Joey Pompano)

A group of scuba-diving Harry Potter fans this week introduced squidditch, an underwater version of the quidditch game made popular by the fantasy series, played over sand flats on Blacktip Island’s sheltered west coast, organizers said.

“People’re playing quidditch with brooms and soccer balls, and tennis balls hanging out the back of their shorts, so we figured ‘why not do an underwater version?’ Goldie Goby said. “Instead of brooms, we use boat hooks, and underwater Frisbees instead of balls.

“What makes it uber-cool is we use an actual squid as the snitch,” Goby said. “We dope up a reef squid so it won’t bolt too far, or ink, and the chaser has to catch it with a lionfish net. Also, random squid don’t count. Or octopi. It has to be the specific snitch-squid.”

Players say the game presents different challenges than the terrestrial version.

“It’s’ damned hard to generate any speed, or maneuver, with an aluminum pole wedged between your legs,” Joey Pompano said. “And the squid’s hell to catch, even if it is drugged. The last two games had to be called before the snitch got caught because all the players hit their nitrogen-loading limits.”

Spectators had mixed opinions of early matches.

“It’s a cool concept, and early in the games it’s a blast to watch,” Ernestine Bass said. “But after a few minutes the sand gets all stirred up and you can’t see a thing. The players are supposed to stay up high in the water column, but when competitiveness kicks in, all that goes out the window. It adds to the challenge for them, but it makes for boring viewing.”

Local animal-rights activists were critical of the new sport.

“First they catch a live squid. Then sedate it. Then throw it back in the sea and chase it with nets,” People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals president Harry Pickett said. “It’s the definition of animal abuse three, four times over. Even if they don’t catch the snitch-squid, it’s still been traumatized.

“And what happens when the squid’s so groggy it can’t escape predators?” Pickett said. “The first game they played, a barracuda hit the snitch so fast all you saw was a cloud of ink and guts. Alison Diesel nearly lost her hand. We’re filing a lawsuit to stop this horror.”

Players defended the use of a live squid.

“It’s OK to use squid for bait, but not for a snitch? Please,” Reg Gurnard said. “It’s one squid, on a reef loaded with squid. And saving the snitch from ‘barras is added incentive to catch it quickly. That PETA lot need to get those sticks out of their bums and have some fun.”

Island authorities say the games are within legal bounds, if barely.

“It’s played outside the marine park, so we have no say in it,” Marine Parks spokesperson Val Schrader said. “If they cross into the park, though, we’ll be forced to shut it down. But until then, I have $10 on the Eagle Ray Divers team in this afternoon’s match.

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Wednesday. Time for dolphins:

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Blacktip Island Weather

sunday aug 29

Sunday, August 29, 2021

Temperature: 88

Humidity 64%

Precipitation – Yesterday’s news

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Flying Iguanas Terrorize Blacktip Island Residents

flying iguanas

Recent incidents of Blacktip Island’s rock iguanas flying into moving vehicles and across crowded bars has island resident on edge this week. (photo courtesy of Jimi World)

A spate of incidents involving airborne iguanas on Blacktip Island has created health and safety worries among the small Caribbean island’s residents, authorities said Thursday.

“People are reporting iguanas flying through the air at bars, at resorts and on both roadways,” Island Police Constable Rafe Marquette said. “Several motorists were struck when iguanas sailed through open car windows while the autos were in motion. There’s been at least two wrecks because of that.

“It seems to be the smaller iguanas involved, thankfully,” Marquette said. “Any of the large ones hit anyone, that’d cause major injuries. We’re looking into the causes, and whether they’re actually flying or just vigorously jumping.”

Island residents confirmed the reports.

“This ain’t just iguanas falling out of trees, like you hear about in Florida,” Harry Blenny said. “I never seen one take off, so I can’t say if it’s flight or a big jump. But one cleared the bar at the Ballyhoo a couple of days ago. Smack in the middle of happy hour, so there’s plenty of witnesses.”

Local scientists were puzzled by the new behavior.

“There’s no wings, or added skin flaps to help them glide,” Tiperon University-Blacktip biology professor Lucille Ray said. “All specimens involved are just bog-standard iguanas. But they’re traveling considerable distances. We’re busy examining why they’ve changed their behavior so drastically and so suddenly.”

Other residents focused on the possibility the iguanas had help flying.

“Every time one of them iguanas flies through the air, Dermott Bottoms and James Conlee’re somewhere close by,” Rocky Shore said. “Once or twice is a coincidence, but every time? Dermott and James were the first ones to notice it happening, too. Me? I smell a rat. Or iguana, rather. I think Dermott’s flinging them.”

Bottoms denied the accusation.

“I never threw no iguana at anything. Or anyone,” he said. “Every time something odd happens on this island, I get blamed. It’s not right. And anyway, anybody tried to catch and throw iguanas, even small ones, they’d get the hell scratched out of their arms.

“Them things’re tougher than they look,” Bottoms said. “I had to drag one out from under the house last week, and it liked to’ve torn me up. It is funny, though, watching folks trying to keep their cars on the road with pissed off iguanas thrashing in the front seat.”

Marquette said he was taking the accusations against Bottoms seriously.

“If people—anyone—is throwing iguanas, that’s animal cruelty and will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law,” he said. “Dermot says the scratches on his arms are from working in the bush, but I’m having the nurse confirm that.

“I have my eye on Dermott. And James. If they’re responsible for this, they will be apprehended. If not, well, I’ll have to find out what’s scaring the hell out of all these lizards. It may be the mersquatch.”

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Yep. That time of week again:

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Blacktip Island weather

sunday aug 22

Sunday, August 22, 2021
Temperature: 87
Humidity 66%
Precipitation – Soon come

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Newly-Discovered Laser Clams Injure Blacktip Island Beachgoers

laser clams

The shell of a newly-discovered ‘laser clam,’ killed Thursday by Clete Horn on Blacktip Island’s Eye Patch Beach. (photo courtesy of James St. John)

A newly-discovered species of clams, able to shoot bursts of laser energy several feet, injured multiple beachgoers on Blacktip Island’s Eye Patch Beach Thursday, island authorities said.

“Kids were out there digging in the sand, like they always do, when a clam zapped little Shelley Bottoms’ smack on the forehead,” Island Police Constable Rafe Marquette said. “A couple other kids got hit, then two adults who were pulling them out of harm’s way.

“I’ve never seen, or heard of, anything like it,” Marquette said. “Those clams have about a six-foot range. There’s no way to tell how widespread they are, but we have that whole stretch of beach roped off for safety. Hopefully we can contain them and they won’t spread to other beaches.”

Marine science experts say the clams likely evolved in response to environmental factors.

“Clete Horn managed to whack one with a shovel, so I have a dead one to examine,” Tiperon University-Blacktip marine biology professor Ernesto Mojarra said. “It’s essentially a razor clam that’s developed the ability to focus the sun’s energy. Near as I can tell, it’s a defensive adaptation that’s triggered by perceived threats.

“The mutation is almost certainly a result of landfill runoff leaching through the beach sand,” Mojarra said. “The island dump is just inland from there, and there’ve been mutated fish on that stretch of reef for years. This was really just a matter of time.”

Island officials are taking the danger seriously.

“Closing the beach and posting warning signs is a no brainer, but losing that beach is a hit below the waterline for our tourism,” mayor Jack Cobia said. “If need be, we’ll soak that beach in diesel fuel and light it on fire so we can open it up again.

“Meantime, we’ve got Stoney MacAdam and Rocky Shore out there with welding goggles, gloves and camp mirrors,” Cobia said. “When one of those clams shoots a laser, the mirrors’ll bounce it right back and toast it. And if that doesn’t kill it, Clete Horn’ll club it with his shovel.”

Other residents favored preserving the clams.

“We certainly don’t want any kiddos getting their eyes put out or losing toes, so we appreciate them from a distance,” Chrissy Graysby said. “They’re beautiful after dark. We took the little ones to the beach last night, and the clams were out fighting for territory, with their different-colored lasers flashing. From a distance, it looked like a miniature Star Wars.”

Others hailed the clams as a new food source.

“Sure, you gotta move careful around them, and use long sticks to stay out of range, but they’re tasty little things,” Angela Fisher said. “They’re like regular razor clams, only better. The little lasers partially cook the meat, which really brings out the flavor. I’m selling Jack Cobia on the idea of farm raising them to sell to local restaurants.”

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I’m in a Wednesday state of mind . . .

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Blacktip Island Weather

sunday aug 15

Sunday, August 15, 2021

Temperature: 86

Humidity 67%

Precipitation – Maybe later

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