The Blacktip Times

Ham Pilchard surveys the remnants of his Sand Spit Bar Thursday morning after multiple altercations severely damaged the building Wednesday evening. (photo courtesy of Cori Anders)

An open-mic night at Blacktip Island’s Sand Spit bar Wednesday night ended with seven people arrested, 12 sent to the island’s medical clinic and tens of thousands of dollars in barroom damages after multiple alcohol-fueled fights broke out at the popular west-side bar.

“We had two great ideas to get folks into the bar,” Sand Spit bartender Corie Anders said. “One was the open-mic, where anyone could get up and sing anything they wanted. The other was the rum sampling by Bonefish Distillers. Problem was, we had them on the same night.

“Things started out great, with people singing all kinds of songs—covers and originals—at one end of the room, and others drinking the latest rum at the other,” Anders said. “An hour into it, though, we discovered free rum and live mics don’t mix well.”

Bystanders say the evening took a bad turn after the two groups mingled.

“‘Tonio Fletcher’d just finished a surprisingly not-so-bad Janis Joplin knock off when Jack Mackrell grabbed the mic and launched into some kind of Gregorian chant—that’s what it sounded like, anyway,” Donna Requin said. “From the faces in the crowd, you could tell it hurt people’s ears. But all are welcome and no one judges at open mic.

“Then Dermott Bottoms got up, well lubricated with dark rum, and started into a profanity-fueled take on ‘Don’t Sleep in the Subway’,” Requin said. “We got him off stage, but the next thing we knew, Reg Gurnard was trying to seduce Frank Maples’ wife, Helen, by substituting lewd lyrics into an Avril Lavigne song and spraying can of Axe body spray all over, and all hell broke loose. I crawled under tables to get out the side door.”

Island officials spent nearly an hour restoring order.

“Got seven folks jammed into the one jail cell,” Island Police Constable Rafe Marquette said. “Nurse M’rissa took another dozen to the clinic to get patched up. Honestly, I’m still sorting out who to charge with what.

“Ol’ Ham should’ve known better, mixing two events like this,” Marquette said. “Free booze always ends ugly on this little rock. You want to do that, stage it outside, with nothing else going on. May end up charging him, too, before all’s said and done.”

Sand Spit owner Ham Pilchard placed the blame on rowdy patrons.

“These people’re why we can’t have nice events,” he said. “We were trying to do something positive for the community. It should have been a lovely evening, but it only takes a few bad apples, I suppose. Or drunk ones. Now, we’ll be closed for days cleaning up and repairing.

“There’s thousands of dollars in furniture damage alone,” Pilchard said. “No one’s sure who crashed into the behind-the-bar mirror first, but they’re in for a ton of bad luck. And we still can’t find the mic.”

The Sand Spit will be closed indefinitely. Donations are being accepted to raise funds to build a temporary outdoor bar.