Blacktip Island Leaders Seek Input For Heritage Festival

culture and history festival

Blacktip Island community leaders will welcome public input tonight at the island’s Heritage House regarding what to include in the island’s inaugural Heritage and Culture Festival tentatively scheduled for next month. (photo courtesy of Lhb1239)

An ad hoc committee of Blacktip Island’s community leaders this week announced it is seeking suggestions regarding how the small Caribbean island might celebrate its inaugural Heritage and Culture Festival this fall.

“We’ve been kicking the idea around for years, but it’s never really gotten any traction,” de facto island mayor Jack Cobia said. “Tourism numbers are down this year, though, so we decided to launch a heritage festival to get word out about what makes us special, and hopefully attract more visitors.

“We’re leaving no stone unturned,” Cobia said. “Everyone’s welcome, and there’s no bad ideas. That’s what’s hamstrung us in the past—folks worried their suggestion wouldn’t be good enough. If this thing’s gonna be a success, we need all hands on deck.”

Island residents say the event faces existential challenges.

“We have plenty of history here, but none of it’s interesting,” Tiperon University-Blacktip chancellor Donna Requin said. “Or worth celebrating. It’s Blacktip Island. Nothing much happens here. And as for local culture, there really isn’t any, unless you count drinking beer and getting into arguments. Jack and his committee may be out of luck there.”

Others jumped at the idea.

“Blacktip has a rich and varied history,” Rosie Blenny said. “There’s Lumpy Bottoms arriving with the first settlers in 1684. There’s Dervil Bottoms—later St. Dervil—teaching the iguanas to sing not long after that. There’s Itchy Bottoms fighting off the pirates time and again in the 1750s. And there’s Sandy Bottoms starting his guest house back in the ‘70s.

“That last one may be the most important of all,” Blenny said. “Until then, Blacktippers had rough lives. Most got by with subsistence farming and fishing, and earning what money they could selling what was left over. Sandy’s place, that grew into his current beach resort, was the beginning of tourism here. After that, we cut out the middleman and started harvesting money directly off the tourists. It truly transformed us.”

The Heritage and Culture committee will meet Friday at 7 p.m. in the island’s Heritage House. Complimentary snacks and drinks will be served to encourage turnout.

“Everybody on this little rock’s a sucker for free stuff,” Cobia said. “We get a bunch of folks here for freebies, them get ‘em good and liquored up, the ideas’ll flow like rum. We just need one sober person to write it all down.”

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It’s That Day Again

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Blacktip Island Weather

38

Wahoo Reef weather station

Sunday, October 6, 2024

Temperature: 90

Humidity: 62%

Precipitation: Zero-point-zero

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‘Rowboat Cop’ Will Patrol Blacktip Island Marine Parks

rowboat cop

Blacktip Island Marine Parks volunteer fisheries officer Booger Bottoms will be patrolling reefs in a the department’s new rowboat. (photo courtesy of Val Schrader/BIMP)

A cash-strapped Blacktip Island Marine Parks department this week announced—to combat a rising amount of coral damage, litter and poaching—it will begin on-water enforcement of Blacktip Island’s marine park rules with the aid of a small rowboat.

“It’s gotten to be the Wild West out there, with divers, dive operations and fishermen doing whatever they please,” marine parks spokesperson Val Schrader said. “The idea is to put enforcement personnel on the water to cite violators on the spot and hopefully cut down on environmental damage.

“Problem is, we don’t have the money for a motor boat,” Schrader said. “Or a motor. Or gas. With our budget, the best we can do is a used rowboat and a pair of binoculars. It may seem a bit underwhelming, but we have full confidence these patrols will be effective.”

Some on the island questioned the move.

“I get they want to put some teeth in the park rules, but this is all for show,” Gage Hoase said. “I mean, a rowboat chasing power boats . . . you kinda have to want to get caught for them to catch you. End of the day, it’s just Marine Parks doing kabuki theater to build support for a bigger budget.”

Others praised the patrols.

“It was a hoot seeing them doing trial runs last week,” Marina DeLow said. “Booger Bottoms’d start to chase a poacher’s boat, and the boat’d power up be off like a shot. Sometimes they’d let him get aaalmost there before they blasted off. We grabbed chairs and beers to watch.”

Scuba diving visitors were unimpressed.

“I came up from my dive yesterday and some yahoo started yelling about me breaking coral,” Bill Fisch said. “Gave me a written warning. I wadded it up and threw it in the water. Then he wrote another one for littering and told me, ‘Stay out of trouble.’

“Got even with him today, though,” Fisch said. “I swam under his boat and bungeed his oar blades together. He’s probably still trying to get ‘em loose.”

Bottoms defended the patrols.

“Folks can laugh all they want, but I got a reef to protect,” he said. “I may be slow, but I’m wily. They may get away once, but they can’t escape forever. I’m keeping a list. Now, excuse me. I have to go. Slowly. Somewhere there is coral damage happening.”

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Surf’s Up

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Blacktip Island Weather

37

Wahoo Reef weather station

Sunday, September 29, 2024

Temperature: 91

Humidity: 63%

Precipitation: Incoming

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Blacktip Island Experts Say ‘Second Moon’ Will Wreak Havoc

second moon

The arrival next week of an asteroid NASA says will be a ‘second moon’ for nearly two months has Blacktip Island residents bracing for the worst. (photo courtesy of Harvinder Chandigarh)

News of a large asteroid, dubbed ‘2024 PT5’ by NASA, forecast to orbit Earth for 56 days starting next week, has Blacktip Island astronomists alarmed about the catastrophic effects a shift in gravity a second moon might have on the small Caribbean island.

“We’re a small, low-lying chunk of rock,” Blacktip Observatory astronomer Vera Cuda said. “The spring and autumn full moons already play hell with our tides. The slight gravitational oomph this asteroid will bring could be enough to sink the island. Or leave us high and dry.

“Folks need to prepare for worst-case scenarios,” Cuda said. “Personally, I’ve strapped my fishing boat to the roof of my house, and stocked it with two weeks of food and water. It’s gonna be touch-and-go for a couple of months, and people need to be ready.”

Other residents had more esoteric concerns.

“Having two moons’s gonna mess up everybody’s horoscopes for a while,” self-proclaimed clairvoyant Antonio Fletcher said. “Could be good, or bad, depending on when and where that second moon is any given day. Troubling times are coming.

“Bigger worry is what happens to babies born under a second moon,” Fletcher said. “Moon in Gemini at birth’s one thing, but what if a baby’s born with that second moon in Scorpio? Or if the old moon and new moon line up together? Poor baby born with two moons in Pisces’ll be all kinds of screwed up.”

Some residents say they’ve already noticed asteroid-related changes.

“The animals are acting strange,” Animal Control supervisor Coryl Bleeching said. “Our dogs’ve been howling for no reason, day and night. And hermit crabs are starting to crawl around shell-less. Lee Helm swears he saw two iguanas dancing the foxtrot, too, so chaos is already here.”

Island officials urged calm.

“We have no scientific evidence this space rock’ll have any effect on the Earth. Or this island,” Police Constable Rafe Marquette said. “Folks should be mindful of it, sure, but otherwise go about their daily business as usual. This’s Blacktip, though, so there’s not a chance in hell of that happening. I’m planning on a busy two months.”

Island business leaders touted the asteroid’s benefits.

“We’ve launched an ‘island sanctuary’ ad campaign to get people down here this fall,” de facto island mayor Jack Cobia said. “We’re pitching it as a safe haven away from the rest of the world. Here, we’re cut off from everything. If this thingamajiggy wreaks havoc globally, what better place to ride out the storm than here? Island-wide, bookings are already up 20 percent over last year. It’ll be like the Y2K boom all over again.”

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Wedneday Vibes

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Blacktip Island Weather

36

Wahoo Reef weather station

Sunday, September 22, 2024

Temperature: 93

Humidity: 64%

Precipitation: Take a rain jacket

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tower bridge warp

tower bridge warp

The Blacktip Times is experiencing technical difficulties. Remain calm.

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