Wahoo Reef weather station
Sunday, November 3, 2024
Temperature: 87
Humidity: 64%
Precipitation: Not happening
Payoff Accusations Mar Blacktip Island’s Mayoral Race
Vote-buying accusations have heightened tensions in Blacktip Island’s already-heated mayor’s race. (photo by Sampson Post / BTT staff)
Blacktip Island’s hotly-contested mayoral election, scheduled for Tuesday, became supercharged this week when challenger and political newcomer Pinky Bottoms accused incumbent Jack Cobia’s campaign of paying voters ahead of time.
“When you have voters saying, ‘I’m voting for Jack because he paid me more,’ that’s a problem,” Bottoms said. “And we’re hearing that from multiple voters. This is a democracy. You don’t just buy voters. Not like that, anyway.
“This strikes at the heart of why I’m running against Jack,” she said. “This shameless, unchecked corruption is poisoning Blacktip’s political and social fabric. Jack started at the bottom and dug down from there. His time on the gravy train needs to end.”
Cobia defended his campaign’s actions.
“Pinky’s just mad ‘cause we’re paying more than she is,” he said. “I gotta do something to level the playing field, running against a Bottoms. If the extended Bottoms clan voted as a block, they’d run the island. The key for us is to split the Bottoms vote, and a little beer money here and there’s the best way to do that.”
Island political observers noted the island’s unique political structure played an oversized role.
“Blacktip really doesn’t have political parties, per se,” political watchdog Ginger Bass said. “Oh, they label and relabel themselves every election cycle, but they’re not divided on ideological lines like left-vs-right, or big government-vs-small government. It’s more a matter of whose cousin’s running and who you’re most-closely related to.
“On Blacktip, the family trees don’t have many branches,” Bass said. “And in the case of the Bottoms, damn near every local’s related to them somehow. That’s not an excuse for bribing voters, but it is necessary to recognize Jack’s up against a potentially-unstoppable voter base.”
Island residents were more concerned about important local issues than in election irregularities.
“The big issues are bars and roads,” Rusty Goby said. “Jack and Pinky both want the bars to stay open longer, so they’ve got my support on that. But Jack wants to pave both the roads, while Pinky wants to keep ‘em dirt. I’m voting for Pinky unless Jack drops some hefty dosh in my pocket.”
Local officials said there will be a zero-tolerance electioneering policy at the island’s sole polling place Tuesday.
“We won’t stand for any sort of inducement or improper influencing of voters at the Customs house,” Island Police Constable Rafe Marquette said. “You have any shenanigans to pull, get that out of the way before you come to vote. I’ll be on duty outside, and Noddy Bolin, the Customs agent, will be watching inside. Ol’ Noddy, he has an old-school belaying pin he won’t hesitate to use on miscreants.”
Voting begins at 7 a.m. Tuesday. Poll watchers from both campaigns will be on hand to monitor the process.
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Blacktip Island Weather
Wahoo Reef weather station
Sunday, October 27, 2024
Temperature: 88
Humidity: 61%
Precipitation: Batten the hatches
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Neanderthal Site Found In Blacktip Island Cave
An artist’s rendition of what the newly-discovered Blacktip Island Neanderthals, and the island, might have looked like 500,000 years ago. (illustration by Wendy Beaufort/BTT)
Hikers exploring caves in Blacktip Island’s rugged interior Wednesday discovered what experts have identified as the only known Neanderthal site in the Western Hemisphere.
“We hacked through brush for an hour, and were excited to be the first ones to find the cave,” Gage Hoase said. “Then we saw the fire pit and wall paintings and got totally bummed out. Somebody’d gotten there first. We thought it was left over from a wild party.
“Then the university people went all apeshit and had me take them out there,” Hoase said. “They tore into taking photos and measuring everything. We didn’t get what the big deal was about until they told us what was up. So, technically, we were the first ones in the cave . . . after about 500,000 years.”
Tiperon University-Blacktip archeologists are keeping the finds under wraps.
“We’re not telling anyone where the cave is,” Vera Cuda said. “And any artefacts we’ve removed from the site are being kept in a safe until our findings can be verified. In general, though, we found bones, stone tools, goddess figurines and hunt scenes painted on the walls.
“From the animals depicted in the paintings, this group hunted, and lived on, prehistoric cave iguanas and giant cave-land crabs, Cuda said. “The hominid bones, and how they were arranged, suggest a funeral ceremony of some sort. It’s too early to say much more than that. We definitely have our work cut out for us.”
Others focused on how the Neanderthals came to Blacktip Island.
“Neanderthals’ range was limited to southern Europe and the Near East,” historian Angela Fisher said. “This is the only site like this outside that area. Our working theory is they somehow crossed on a land bridge when the sea levels were lower, then were stranded when the glaciers melted and the water rose.
“We know Neanderthals had basic boating skills, but nothing that could accomplish an Atlantic crossing,” Fisher said. “With the current sea level, you can only go down so far in the cave. We reckon they used that brackish water as their water source.”
Some residents questioned the find.
“If Neanderthals migrated to Blacktip from Europe, why’s there no fossil evidence between there and here?” Lee Helm said. “What makes way more sense is convergent evolution, where this Caribbean group evolved independently from the European ones.”
Others embraced the idea.
“Sloping forehead, heavy brows, communicates in grunts?” Val Schrader said. “Yep, that’s a Blacktipper, all right. Totally tracks.”
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Bioluminescing Dolphins Know They’re Cool
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Blacktip Island Weather
Wahoo Reef weather station
Sunday, October 20, 2024
Temperature: 89
Humidity: 62%
Precipitation: Not today
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Blacktip Island Hunt Enthusiasts Launch Iguanary Club
Blacktip Island ‘s new iguanaers have begun ‘flying’ the Caribbean island’s native rock iguanas at downed fruit for sport. (photo courtesy of Staselnik)
A group of Blacktip Island sport hunters have organized what they term the Blacktip Island Iguanary Club, aimed at using the small Caribbean island’s native iguanas to hunt fruit as a sport, group organizers said.
“It’s like falconry, but different,” Rusty Bollard said. “Iguanas are herbivores, so we’ve trained them to retrieve fruit folks might otherwise have overlooked or been unable to get to. The process is similar to falconry—the iguana perches on the iguanaer’s leather glove until released, then it scuttles, quick-like-the-bunny, after the indicated fruit.
“We use the big rock iguanas to go after downed fruit, mostly mangoes and sea grapes, and the smaller green iguanas to get out-of-reach stuff like papayas and sweet bananas,” Bollard said. “There’s a real adrenalin adrenaline rush when the iguana takes off. It’s damned addictive.”
Club members described the iguana training process.
“Bringing fruit back without eating it isn’t natural behavior for iguanas,” Christina Mojarra said. “We start early—right after hatching, if possible—using fruit-shaped lures on a string to get the iguanas used to bringing it back to the leather glove. We gradually give them more and more leeway, and by the time they’re about six months old the behavior’s ingrained.
“We got most of these techniques from Medieval falconry codices and the Blacktip Island settlers’ chronicles,” Mojarra said. “If falconry is the sport of kings, iguanary’s the sport of pirates. It was hugely popular among old-time buccaneers. Blackbeard himself was a keen iguanaer.”
The new sport is not without its opponents
“It’s cruel to catch these endangered creatures immediately after hatching,” Blacktip Island People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals president Harry Pickett said. “And it’s beyond cruel to make teach them unnatural behavior by denying them food. These aren’t sport hunters, they’re sadists and animal abusers.
“Under the island’s endangered species ordinances, this is illegal,” Pickett said. “But, evidently, money’s crossed the right palms. Rusty and them think this’ll draw visitors to the island, but it’ll have the opposite effect once tourists see what the score is.”
Club organizers disputed those claims.
“These captive iguanas are better fed, and healthier, than any wild iguana,” Bollard said. “These are like our children—they get daily care and regular medical attention. Truth be told, iguanary’s getting a lot of attention on nearby islands and shows every sign of growing in popularity.
“That’s our long-term goal,” Bollard said. “This is the sport of the future. We’re limited in fruit varieties here, but on other islands there’s kumquats, starfruit, and even durian. We’re already working out qualifying criteria for apprentice, general and master iguanary divisions. We’ve seen the future, and the future is iguanary.”
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Blacktip Island Weather
Wahoo Reef weather station
Sunday, October 13, 2024
Temperature: 92
Humidity: 64%
Precipitation: Pack a raincoat
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The Blacktip Times 