Category Archives: Caribbean

Blacktip Island Celebrates Year Of The Ox With Bull Shark Dives

lunar new year

Blacktip Island residents are celebrating the Year of the Ox with bull shark scuba outings this month. (photo courtesy of Albert Kok)

Blacktip Island scuba operators are celebrating the lunar new year—the Year of the Ox—for the next two weeks with daily scuba outings with bull sharks on the small Caribbean island’s reefs.

“We wanted to do something ox-related, but we don’t have any cows on the island,” Chamber of Commerce president Jay Valve said. “Then we hit on the idea of diving with bull sharks as the next-best thing. They’re something we definitely have. We’re doing two, three shark outings a day, and no one’s been bit, so we’re hoping this brings good luck in the coming year. People are loving it.

“The trick is getting the sharks to the right dive site at the right time. We’ve had to condition them to some extent,” Valve said. “It’s illegal to chum, so we have swimmers thrash around on the surface. Brings the sharks right in. Small children work best. And we haven’t lost too many. So far. Kids, not sharks.”

Organizers said the celebrations draw on lunar new year traditions worldwide.

“It’s not just a shark dive,” Val Schrader said. “It’s a celebration before and after, too. We serve jiaozi dumplings and spring rolls on the boats going to and from the sites, and underwater we have the divers get in a big dragon suit and weave around the reef.

“We can’t do fireworks, but underwater we have everyone wave their dive lights around like crazy,” Schrader said. “The ox theme’s worked well. Last year was the Year of the Rat, and, boy, did that ever go sideways.”

Scuba retailers emphasized other lunar new year customs.

“We encourage everyone to follow the ‘out with the old, in with the new’ tradition,” Bamboo You owner Piers ‘Doc’ Planck said. “At B.Y., we have a complete line of renewable bamboo scuba gear and accessories. It’s the perfect time to upgrade your gear for 2021. And with the celebration going the full 15 days, there’s plenty of time to shop. There’s no reason to invite bad luck by diving with last year’s gear.”

Island officials, meanwhile, were more focused on public safety.

“Folks see a need to swim with sharks, that’s their business, but on land, anyone setting off firecrackers, or lighting bonfires of any kind, will be summarily arrested,” Island Police Constable Rafe Marquette said. “Anything that booms, bangs or flies through the air is illegal, and fires have been banned. The island’s dry as a tinderbox right now and a stray spark could set the whole place off. You want to get shark bit, knock yourself out, but don’t burn the island down with your silliness.”

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Blacktip Island Weather

s50

Sunday, February 14, 2021
Temperature: 79
Humidity 68%
Precipitation – Not a chance

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Koi-Anon Conspiracy Theory Grips Blacktip Island

SONY DSC

A growing number of Blacktip Island residents believe a group of secretive, decorative carp are controlling the world and will soon take action against a wide variety of evildoers. (photo courtesy of Bernard Spragg)


A conspiracy theory claiming the world is being secretly controlled by giant ornamental carp has gained popularity among Blacktip Islanders, causing some island officials to voice concerns about public safety.

“We started hearing rumblings about someone or something called ‘Koi’ a while back,” island mayor Jack Cobia said. “Then the posters and decals and shirts just exploded the last few weeks. Apparently, the idea’s some secret carp network called Koi-Anon is controlling everything from some watery hideout.

“Overnight we’ve got ‘where we carp one, we carp all’ getting spray painted all over everything,” Cobia said. “And anyone who criticizes Koi or questions anything gets whacked with a mackerel. Things are getting out of hand, fast.”

Adherents say the movement represents hope for the future.

“Koi’s the World Carp, and the Earth is balanced on his back,” Lee Helm said. “He’s been pulling strings for a while, people just didn’t notice it. Koi knows everything, and he’s gonna save us all. Soon.

“He’s our new overlord, and I couldn’t be happier,” Helm said. “He’s going to swallow up the fish perverts and conch worshipers and . . . well . . . anyone not like me. Just because it hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean it won’t. It’s a question of faith. And patience.”

Others scoffed at the idea.

“People on this island have been cooped up way too long. They’ve gone bug-nutty,” Blacktip Haven resort owner Elena Havens said. “Lee Helm in particular’s always carping about something, but the others just went off the deep end overnight. There’s zero proof of any of this, and none of their predictions come true. But that just makes their beliefs stronger.”

Some residents have remained open minded.

“For all I know, maybe there are giant carps controlling things,” Antonio Fletcher said. “Stranger things have happened. Maybe that’s why everybody’s acting so crazy. Some people are even out hunting carps. Others are trying to protect them. Only we don’t have carps on Blacktip, so I’m not sure where they could be hiding.”

Believers were nonplussed by the criticism.

“The carps you can find here aren’t the giant Koi ones. Those are down deep where you can’t get at them,” Alison Diesel said. “And, sure, nothing’s happened yet. But that’s because that’s the way Koi wants it—this shows who the real believers are.”

Island authorities, meanwhile, have warned all concerned about public disturbances.

“Mackerel-whackings will not be tolerated,” Island Police Constable Rafe Marquette said. “Any mackerel-based aggressions will be treated, and prosecuted, as armed assaults. Also, all spray paint has been seized from the store and will be held at the island jail until folks return to what passes for sanity on this island.

“And no, I don’t believe a giant koi carp is gonna swallow me up and spit me out in Gitmo,” he said. “Not even ‘Tonio believes that, and that should tell you all you need to know.”

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Blacktip Island Weather

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Sunday, February 6, 2021
Temperature: 80
Humidity 65%
Precipitation – On the way

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Blacktip Island Divers To Stage Bananarama-Themed Underwater Circus

cirque du soleil

From left to right, Gage Hoase, Alison Diesel, Finn Kiick, Marina DeLow, Jessie Catahoula and Angela Fisher practice their circus routine on land before donning scuba equipment to perform the dress rehearsal underwater Thursday evening. (photo courtesy of Harry Wad)


 

Blacktip Island scuba enthusiasts this weekend will stage an underwater contemporary circus based on the music of 80s girl band Bananarama off the Diddley’s Landing public pier in an effort to revitalize the small Caribbean island’s flagging tourism industry.

“The tourism sector’s been hammered, what with all the COVID-related border shutdowns,” Club Scuba Doo owner Ham Pilchard said. “We wanted to give locals something to do that’d also pump some money back into the industry. We’re hoping to make it a regular thing to get folks over from Tiperon.

“Gage Hoase was eating a banana outside the store, and I thought, ‘hey, the time’s right for a Bananarama appreciation show,’ Pilchard said. “The cast is dive staffs from all four island resorts, and we got bleachers set up underwater off Diddley’s Landing that’ll hold a hundred spectators, easy. We’re calling in ‘Quirk du Soleil.’”

Participants say the production has broad appeal.

“It’s a bit like Cirque du Soleil in that there’s no animals, and tons of funky gymnastics and posing,” divemaster Alison Diesel said. “It’s all set to Bananarama music, too, so people al all ages should really get into it.

“For the dress rehearsal, we had Dermott Bottoms in throw bar peanuts into the scene to attract fish,” Diesel said. “That rocked, so we’re totally keeping that up going forward. It added an unpredictability to things.”

Critics, however, decried the production.

“One, they’re building underwater structures in a fragile ecosystem,” environmental activist Harry Pickett said. “Two, they’re putting so many people in the water at once it will spook the fish and other wildlife. And three, they’re feeding fish, which is illegal in the Tiperons. They all need to be locked up.”

Pilchard said those concerns were unfounded.

“The bleachers and the stage are out in the sand, well away from any coral and whatnot,” he said. “And the fish got used to all the people in the water pretty quick. As for the feeding, we’re working on getting a hardship variance, on account of this being for the good of the community.”

The cast includes:

  • Alison Diesel, Gage Hoase and Marina DeLow from Eagle Ray Cove
  • Finn Kiick and Christa Goby from Club Scuba Doo
  • Kenny Chromis and Angela Fisher from Sandy Bottoms Beach Resort
  • Jessie Catahoula from Blacktip Haven

Proceeds from all Quirk du Soleil performances will be split among island resorts.

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Blacktip Island Weather

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Sunday, January 31, 2021
Temperature: 81
Humidity 68%
Precipitation – Not today

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Blacktip Island Inventor To Debut Artificial Gills

artificial gills

A Blacktip Island handyman and amateur scientist claims to have developed the world’s first artificial gills to allow humans to breathe underwater. (photo courtesy of Krishna Satya)

 

A Blacktip Island amateur scientist this week announced he has developed artificial gills, which can be implanted in humans to allow people to spend extended periods of time underwater without relying on scuba equipment.

“Divers talk all the time about wanting to stay underwater longer,” Harry Bottoms said. “I started playing with the idea and came up with implanting gills in peoples’ necks so they could spend all the time they want to in the sea.

“They look kinda like those things Kevin Costner had in Waterworld, only bigger,” Bottoms said. “And since you’re not breathing compressed air, you can be underwater for hours without getting decompression sickness. They worked great in simulations in the garage.”

Some in the community were skeptical of Bottom’s claims.

“It’s a great idea, if Harry actually pulls it off,” Nelson Seagroves said. “But there’s been no demonstration the things even work, much less if he can transplant them into a person. I’m holding off judgement until after the trials, but I can’t imagine them being successful.”

Others were outright dismissive.

“There’s not a chance Harry’s contraptions will ever work,” Tiperon University-Blacktip biology professor Ernesto Mojarra said. “Never mind implanting . . . whatever he’s cobbled together . . . would be an incredibly invasive medical procedure. Harry needs to stick to fixing air conditioners. If they surgery doesn’t kill you, drowning will.”

Dive professionals, meanwhile, were concerned about the impact the gills could have on the scuba industry.

“The problem with these things is, if they work, they’ll kill the recreational scuba diving business,” Eagle Ray Divers operations manager Ger Latner said. “People won’t need scuba tanks or regulators. They won’t need dive boats or divemasters—they’ll be able to just jump in the water and go. I wish Harry all the best, but I hope his gizmos are a complete failure.”

Bottoms rebuffed the criticism.

“Sure, there’s some surgery involved, and you’ll have to go to the hospital to have the gills implanted,” he said. “But we’re working on a simplified outpatient procedure the nurse can do at the island clinic. “And the scuba folks should have more faith in their product,” Bottoms said. “This is an opportunity for them to reinvent their industry. Folks’ll always want to take a boat out to dive sites they can’t easily get to from shore, and to socialize with other people while they do it. Where there’s a gill, there’s a way.”

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Blacktip Island Weather

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Sunday, January 24, 2021
Temperature: 78
Humidity 66%
Precipitation – Incoming

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Blacktip Island Artist Creates Scuba-Themed Underwater Manga

manga

One of the opening panels of Blacktip artist Jackie Wrasse’s just-released, island-themed manga, Manga, B.I. (image courtesy of Niabot)


 

A Blacktip Island artist this week announced the publication of a scuba-themed manga graphic novel set on the Caribbean island and its reefs.

“I wanted to take the manga concept somewhere it had never been,” resident Jackie Wrasse said. “It’s styled on the classic Japanese graphic novels, but set largely underwater in the tropics. Think Magnum, P.I.  meets a cynical seinen storyline. I’m calling it ‘Manga, B.I.’

“It riffs a little on Lone Wolf and Cub—it’s about an older divemaster and her young protégé seeking revenge on the resort owners who unfairly fired them,” Wrasse said. “They’re basically divemaster-ronins running around attacking dive staffs, frightening tourists and sabotaging dive boats in an effort to get at their enemies.”

Criticism has been largely positive.

“It’s a fresh take on the manga genre, with great narrative and artwork, and some Hawaiian shirts thrown in,” Tiperon University-Blacktip literature professor Christina Tome said. “Most of the action’s either underwater or on dive boats and docks. Like any seinen, it has some pretty graphic violence, with underwater knife fights and speargun shootouts and flying machetes.

“It’s also a big-time revenge drama, with the person seeking revenge getting harmed far more than the people they’re seeking revenge on,” Tome said. “The tension builds with the pair hiding out, trying to get close to the owners, the owners hiring security to keep them at bay, and so on. It’s a great addition to Blacktip’s literary tradition. That’s not saying much, but still.”

Local retailers are eagerly awaiting the book’s release.

“I’ve got people lined up asking about when they can get a copy,” island store owner Peachy Bottoms said. “And Doris Blenny at the Heritage House says the same thing’s happening over there. You wouldn’t think folks on this island would be so excited about a book. This one is mostly pictures, though.”

Wrasse said she is working on the book’s next edition.

“Mangas can go on for 70, 80 volumes, so I have plenty of room to expand the story,” she said. “I may even have the plot branch out to other islands as the divemaster duo hunts down all the members of the owner’s family. I have plans for a scratch-and-sniff version, too.”

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It’s Wednesday, right? Right?

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