Category Archives: Caribbean
Blacktip Island Weather
Sunday, November 26, 2023
Temperature: 87
Humidity: 68%
Precipitation: Soon come
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Salvation Army Bell Ringer Scam Busted On Blacktip Island
Dermott Bottoms’ appearance as a Salvation Army fundraiser Thursday afternoon, dressed in Star Wars storm trooper body armor rather than a Santa costume, alerted Blacktip Island authorities to possible fraud. (photo courtesy of Jonathunder)
A Blacktip Island man impersonating a Salvation Army bell ringer, who solicit charitable donations during the holiday season, was arrested Thursday for collecting funds from holiday shoppers outside the small Caribbean island’s general store, then pocketing the money for himself, local authorities said.
“No one thought twice about it at first,” Island Police Constable Rafe Marquette said. “It’s the Salvation Army collecting for the needy this time of year. Then we realized there’s no Salvation Army on Blacktip. Or in the Tiperon Islands at all. I investigated, and it turns out it was all a scam.
“Dermott Bottoms would set himself up outside Peachy Bottoms’ store, or outside bars at closing time, ring his bell, and folks’d drop dollar after dollar in his little red bucket,” Marquette said. “He wore a Santa suit at first, but after that got torn up in a bar brawl, he switched to a Star Wars imperial stormtrooper outfit. That’s when people started getting suspicious.”
Island residents were shocked by the news.
“To think someone on Blacktip would steal like that is shocking,” Kay Valve said. “And it being this time of year makes it even worse. He took advantage of peoples’ good natures to line his pockets with cash. And his belly with rum. I’ll never get back the money I donated.”
Legal experts say Bottoms is facing multiple criminal charges.
“You’ve got false solicitation, fraud and outright theft, just to scratch the surface,” island attorney and de facto mayor Jack Cobia said. “With him setting up outside stores and bars and resorts the past 10 days, there’s no telling how much money he took in. And whether he spent it all or stashed some away. I can say he’s been drinking higher-quality rum, lately, though.”
Bottoms attacked the accusations as slander.
“Raising money for the kids. And the homeless. And widows,” he said. “Season for giving, y’know. Just not passin’ that giving on ‘til Christmas. On my own, I went to do good, and next thing, folks’re questionin’ my motives. What I believe in. Like questioning my religion.
“Churches do this all the time,” he said. “Folks never question that. Should’ve called myself a church. And will next time. Folks want to give, and I’m helping ‘em do that. Where’s the harm? And when that money gets given out, no matter where it goes, well, that’s double-givin’, isn’t it?”
Bottoms has been released on bail and had his passport seized. Authorities would neither confirm nor deny the charges he will face. Salvation Army International officials say they have no record of Bottoms being affiliated with their organization.
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Blacktip Island Weather
Sunday, November 19, 2023
Temperature: 89
Humidity: 01%
Precipitation: Nope
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Thanksgiving Will Bring ‘Sea Slug Slide’ To Blacktip Island
Sea slug costumes of all descriptions will be de rigueur Thanksgiving Day for the inaugural half-mile ‘Sea Slug Slide’ race past several Blacktip Island resorts. (Photo courtesy of Bernard Picton)
Blacktip Island community organizers will stage the small Caribbean island’s inaugural ‘Sea Slug Slide’ race down the main street to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday in place of the traditional 5K road race.
“Folks are bored with the annual Turkey Trot 5K,” race organizer Led Waite said. “Even when we switched it to the ‘Booby Trot,’ only three runners showed up. This year we’re going a different, more creative direction that really plays to island life.
“Contestants will dress up as their favorite sea slug and crawl down the main drag on their bellies,” Waite said. “Nudibranch, elysia, headshield, it doesn’t matter, so long as it’s recognizable as a sea slug. In addition to the trophy for best time, we’ll also have prizes for best costume and most-realistic costume.”
Participants were busy preparing outfits and practicing their technique.
“I’m using shredded wetsuits for my lettuce sea slug suit,” Jessie Catahoula said. “And of everything I’ve tried, I think doing ‘the worm’ down the asphalt’ll be the most efficient combination of propulsion and not getting scraped to hell. And to not finishing the race a bloody mess.”
Organizers noted the safety precautions in place.
“We’ll start the race first thing in the morning before the roadway gets too hot,” Doris Blenny said. “How long folks take to finish the course is up to them. We’ll also have Nurse Marissa standing by with first aid supplies to treat any scrapes, cuts and burns.
“The road’ll be blocked off between the store and Sandy Bottoms Beach Resort, for safety,” Blenny said. “The last thing we need is holiday crawlers getting hit by a car. Or even a bike. That’d be a P.R. nightmare for the island.”
The half-mile course will start at the airfield and finish at Sandy Bottoms.
“There’ll be food and live music at the finish line,” SBBR manager Kay Valve said. “We’ll be serving traditional stuffed conch and gravy, sea grape sauce, and sliced sea cucumbers. For music, there’ll be local favorites The Social Morays, Effing Zeagles, and Young Jacques and the Double Hose playing all day and into the night.”
The competition is open to anyone with a sea slug costume. Winners of the men’s and women’s divisions will receive the coveted Silver Sea Slug trophy. Finishers will receive complementary antibiotics, bandages and gauze.
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Blacktip Island Weather
Sunday, November 12, 2023
Temperature: 90
Humidity: 71%
Precipitation: Nah
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Blacktip Island Weather
Sunday, November 5, 2023
Temperature: 91
Humidity: 72%
Precipitation: Zero chance
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Anti-Christmas Music Parkour Launched On Blacktip Island
A group of Blacktip Island residents has banded together to create an extreme sport dedicated to hearing as little Christmas music—both live and recorded—as possible this holiday season. (photo courtesy of Shiraz Chakera)
A group of Christmas-music opponents on Blacktip Island this week announced the creation of what they term the new extreme sport of avoiding all forms of holiday music for as long as possible in order to preserve their mental health.
“It’s not a war on Christmas, just Christmas songs,” Jessie Catahoula said. “It’s about self preservation, really. All Christmas music, all the time, drives people bug nutty. The goal is to not hear any sort of holiday music from now through December 26. It’s a sport because it’ll require a lot of running, vaulting and diving out of windows. It’s extreme because we’ll be doing it non-stop for the next seven weeks.
“It’s not possible to completely avoid Christmas music, but as competitors, we’ll dodge it as much as we possibly can,” Catahoula said. “We know the challenge’ll get progressively more difficult the closer we get to Christmas. Headphones and ear plugs will be de rigueur, as will pressing your hands to your ears and yelling, ‘la la la la.”’
Participants say there will be no physical trophy for the winner.
“It’s all about bragging rights, end of the day,” Cal Batten said. “And staying sane. Honestly, it’ll be damn-near impossible to not hear Christmas music, but it’ll minimize the exposure so no one’ll go to jail for assault. That happened to Dermott Bottoms last year the 18th time he heard that damn Mariah Carey song. He tore king hell out of the Sand Spit bar and sent three people to the medical clinic.
“People want to listen to that ‘Wonderful Christmastime’ dreck non-stop, that’s their choice,” Batten said. “But we have the right to not be tortured by it, and avoiding it by any means possible is our choice. If that means me doing a constant parkour routine for the next two months, it’s totally worth it.”
Others stressed the activity’s positive secondary benefits.
“You won’t see me in a bar ‘til New Years, so that’ll kill my booze intake,” Alison Diesel said. “I’m also getting food delivered so I don’t have to go into Peachy’s store. That means my calorie load’ll drop way off, so I’ll lose weight. If a steady stream of holiday music fills my life with lemons, I’m damn sure making lemonade out of it.”
A group of Christmas music afficionados has launched a program to combat the new sport.
“We put big-ass speakers on top of the church steeple to spread Christmas joy as far and wide as possible,” Blacktip Non-Denominational Church pastor Rev. Pierre Grunt said. “We’ll blast out Christmas music all day and night, kind of like a mosque’s call to prayer. We’re putting underwater speakers on the reef, too, so we can reach scuba divers.
“People have to understand this is the happiest time of the year,” Grunt said. “Folks can’t escape it. They can run and hide all they want, but they’ll enjoy this music and be happy, even if we have to cram it down their throats.”
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The Blacktip Times 