Monthly Archives: November 2024

A group of Blacktip Island bicycling enthusiasts announced Wednesday plans for constructing submerged cycle paths around the small Caribbean island’s reefs to further promote both scuba diving and cycling.

“Biking’s popular. So’s scuba,” Gage Hoase said. “And Blacktip’s a dream destination for both. We’re just combining them. It’s stunning no one thought of this before. People are always talking about riding bikes underwater at happy hour, but, like everything else on this little rock, no one actually does anything.

“We’ve already done test rides on the sand off Diddley’s Landing public pier,” Hoase said. “It’s easier than you’d think, and is great aerobic exercise. Plus, if you fall, you don’t have to worry about getting hurt.”

Local cyclists praised the care taken to protect the reefs.

“They’re carving the main trail across the shallow hardpan to lessen environmental damage,” Coryl Bleeching said. “Not only does that spare the coral that grows deeper, but it also reduces the danger of getting the decompression sickness from cycling too deep.

“Eventually they’ll cut a series of side paths, too, so the trail doesn’t get too crowded,” Bleeching said. “We’re also looking at running underwater bike tours, for visitors who’re more comfortable with structured rides. And once the main trail all the way around the island, we’ll launch the inaugural Tour de Blacktip around the 27-mile circumference.”

Environmental activists decried the plan.

“These idiots are destroying fragile ecosystems with this random dumbassery,” Harry Pickett said. “Yahoos riding roughshod over marine life in the shallows is the same as killing the coral they claim to love. And what of the grease and oil from the bikes harming fish and coral?

“The more obvious problem people are ignoring is what’s the life expectancy of a metal bike in sea water?” Pickett said. “And people already don’t return the bikes they borrow from resorts. What will happen to all those rusty frames? There’ll be more trashed bikes on the reef than coral inside a month.”

Marine Parks officials have rejected the proposed trails.

“Clear cutting pathways through the marine park isn’t going to happen,” Marine Parks spokesperson Val Schrader said. “This may sound like a great idea at the bar, but it’s a blatant violation of the law. Anyone attempting to create bike paths in the park will be prosecuted. Just like the idiots who were cycling off the public pier.”

Hoase vowed the project would go forward.

“This is a sure-fire thing that stands to make lots of folks lots of cash,” he said. “There’s people in the government behind it who aren’t gonna let some outdated rules get in the way. And my conviction’s being appealed.”