Blacktip Island sports enthusiasts are building sand dunes to create a mile-long sand luge course on the small Caribbean island. (photo courtesy of Daniel Schwen)
Blacktip Island sports officials announced Wednesday their plans to build a luge course out of sand in order to launch what they are calling the world’s newest summer Olympic event on the small Caribbean island.
“Turns out fine, dry sand has about the same drag coefficient as ice,” Blacktip Island Athletic Society president Jay Valve said. “Problem is, Blacktip’s flat as a pancake. That’s why we’re hauling in tons of dirt and sand to create a luge track that’ll equal any ice-based course in the world.
“We’ll coat the sled bottoms with graphite, so they’ll really fly,” Valve said. “So far we’ve done trials with sleds on the beach, pulled by skiffs. We tried racing, but it got ugly when people tried to pass. We’re angling to host the 2028 Olympics, and if we get the bid, this’ll be our addition to the Games, our signature event.”
Local officials praised the project for creating jobs.
“An official luge course is right at a mile long, and has about a four hundred feet of vertical drop,” island de facto mayor Jack Cobia said. “That means all sorts of folks’ll be hired to build it over the course of a year. Also means lots of folks’ll be employed to maintain the course, too. When the sport catches on, this’ll be an international destination. It’ll give Blacktippers a renewed sense of pride.”
Not all residents are happy with the project.
“They’re wreaking havoc on the environment for the sake of a silly, made-up sport,” Christina Goby said. “Blacktip’s a tiny island, with an incredibly fragile ecosystem. This track will destroy all sorts of irreparable habitat. Not to mention the track will have to be rebuilt after every storm. The sand will blow everywhere, and the erosion runoff will choke the reefs.”
Others doubted the event’s feasibility.
“Those ice tracks are fairly solid. Sand piles, not so much,” Fanny Basslet said. “It’ll be hard to get those high, banked curves to hold together with sand. If sand lugers get as much speed as regular lugers, we’re gonna see a bunch of sledders launching themselves into the palm trees. Or the booby pond.”
Valve was undeterred by the criticism.
“This is a can’t-miss opportunity that’ll put Blacktip in the spotlight worldwide,” he said. “We’re already holding tryouts to find the best on-island lugers. Of course, we had to revise the wording on the flyers slightly after that yahoo Booger Bottoms showed up with an old World War I German pistol.”
The Blacktip Times 
Speaking of lugers launching, remember sometime in 1980s watching a Winter Olympics where a luger did indeed leave the track with sled going one way and luger himself going another and British commentator, “Oh dear, he seems to have lost a bit of way.”