Monthly Archives: November 2022

Blacktip Island’s League of Women Voters has been busy this week drumming up voters for Saturday’s contentious mayoral election. (photo courtesy of Leigh Shore)

Following accusations of intimidation by one mayoral candidate, Blacktip Island’s already hotly-contested mayor’s race saw the three other candidates drop out this week and throw their support behind an unlooked-for dark-horse challenger to incumbent Jack Cobia.

“Jack’s a nasty one to cross,” former candidate Rocky Shore said. “Him talking about the fire department being useless and the police being understaffed aren’t policy points. They’re threats. He’s had folks burned out and beat up before. I’m not gonna stand in those crosshairs.”

Other former candidates echoed that sentiment.

“Jack sitting at the bar with his drunk buddies saying how ‘it’d be a shame if something happened’ to me, that’s purposeful and dangerous,” Christina Mojarra. “It’s the definition of stochastic terrorism. Jack’s responsible for any harm that comes to any of us.”

Cobia refuted the claims.

“I’ve never threatened so much as a fly,” he said. “These are just thin-skinned crybabies who can’t handle politics and the little digs that go along with it. Rocky or Christina get hurt, it’s because folks don’t like them sticking their noses into other folks’ business.”

After discussions with island residents, the former candidates put forward Dermott Bottoms as the person most likely to beat the heavily-favored Cobia.

“We took a straw poll, and Dermott’s name kept popping up,” former candidate Sally Port said. “People like him, and if Jack tries to get rough, Dermott’s big enough, and ornery enough to whip Jack’s butt without half trying.”

Bottoms welcomed the challenge.

“Jack comes after me, I’ll wallop him good,” he said. “Been in office too long, y’know. Too old for it now. Don’t have the people’s interest at heart. Roads are bad. Booby pond stinks. Rafe Marquette writes too many drink-driving tickets. I get elected, all that changes. Then I’m gonna sit at the bar all day and drink beer. More useful than whatever it is Jack does.”

Cobia brushed aside that criticism.

“I’m not too old, but Dermott’s too crazy,” he said. “He’s got no clue what the mayor actually does. There’s lots of things to preside over and whatnot. Big responsibility, keeping this little rock full of crazies from killing each other. A vote for Dermott’s a vote for chaos. And I don’t think he realizes the job doesn’t draw a salary. Or a beer allowance.”

Blacktip Island’s mayoral election will be this Saturday at the small Caribbean island’s Heritage House. The island’s lone police constable will be on hand to prevent any campaign-related violence, electioneering or drinking.